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Well. . . .i dont know if i am a good example for "normal BM's" but my bridesmaids have offered to help me with what-ever but when i ask they make excuses. . i guess i dont mind because i understand. . they are all very buisy. . . but it does get old VERY fast. . but emotionaly they have been there for me 100%
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my MOH and 2 BMs are in 3 different states and i'm in yet another so my expectations for their level of help might be lower than if we were all in the same area. one of my BMs also recently met someone and pretty much got engaged so she's been a little less communicative but i totally understand that new relationship bubble =). however, they've been as helpful as our locations will allow and overall have been extremely supportive emotionally. we've been able to meet together once already for a wedding weekend last year and will have another coming up in may. i also know they're currently helping with planning my bridal shower, which i'm extremely thankful for! i think it's just important to keep the lines of communication open with your BMs and let them know when you thnk you'll need them and when you want things done. i wouldn't assume they'd offer on their own, especially if they haven't done it before.
I think it's difficult for me since all of my bridesmaids live out of state. So while they can't physically help me with anything, they've been there for me emotionally, and always offered to do whatever they can.
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This is hard. I try to avoid asking them to do things that are a lot of work, because I know they are busy and because I'm sort of a control freak! Besides they are doing a lot of work for my shower and bachelorette party and I know they are going to be amazing, plus theye are going to have to spend basically 4 straight days with me around the wedding, so I don't want to give them extra chores. It also helps that I'm not doing a lot of DIY, so I don't need any assembly-type help.
I think expectations of BMs are kind of on an individual basis. If you have friend you know you want in the wedding, you might just have to be aware that some people are out of state or have big committments to work, school, family.
It would be nice for your BMs to check up on you and ask about thewedding. But ultimately if you need something from them, it looks like you'll have to call. Maybe they don't want to overwhelm you or just aren't thinking they need to call. (Just assuming you'll call when you need them.) Maybe they are afraid if they ask if you need help, theyll get bombarded with a bunch of requests.
Put out some feelers. Say you're going to try on dresses and if anyone wants to join you to let you know. I bet you'll get volunteers for cake tastings! Ultimately, I'd recommend not putting your BMs to too many tasks. If someone seems really gungho for weddngs, that's fine. But I think bride/BM relationships fare better when not a lot is asked.
My BMs are trying to help the best they can. They all came to an agreement on a BM dress fairly quickly! One is helping me with my DIY invitations. Another is going to help with photography (when she's not physically in the photos!). My MOH is coordinating with everyone (out of state and out of country) for a batchelorette party. And even though she's not a BM, she is my closest friend: I made her my officiant, and she offered to emcee and DJ the iPod!
My BMS for the most part haven't really been to helpful except for one who's been such a good sounding board for ideas and have lots of good advice. I also haven't really asked them for much, but they've offered. I think I will definitely delegate some tasks during the days before and during the wedding day. We're DIYing the flowers so they'll have to make their own bouquets, which I hope will be a little bit fun for them.
My MOH on the other hand has been almost completely unhelpful. She's my only sister so she had to be the MOH. I asked for help when making invitations and except for one small thing that she glued, she napped the whole time or talked on her phone with her friends. It was really frustrating and I talked to my mom about it and she just told me not to expect much from her and know that she'll be unreliable. So I have that mindset moving forward. I do feel a little hurt that she's not more involved but I'm not going to get hung up about it and just focus on the positive things (like a really wonderful, helpful fiance).
My sister/MOH and another BM have been helpful so far, because I have asked for their help. Two others live across the world and two others have never been BMs so don't know what are the usual "duties." I plan to ask them everyone for help on specific tasks as I get closer to the wedding (helping to assemble favors, etc).
I think that the best approach is to verbalize your wishes/expectations. If they don't know what you'd like them to do, they won't know if they are letting you down!
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Starting out, my bridesmaids were very excited about the wedding... but didn't seem to put much effort into anything... but now that is getting closer, I think it has gotten a lot more "real" to them so they have been helping me with EVERYTHING! I feel so blessed that they care so much to call everyday to see if I need anything.. and to go over details with me 50 times until I decide they are perfect.. they even threw a great shower for me and are even planning an amzing bachelorette party for me in dallas! I don't know where I would be without them!!
I do still have one BM that totally sucks... but I'm trying not to think about her!! lol
My BMs (and several other friends) keep offering to help with what-ever, especially when I've been talking about whatever mounting stress is dominating my life. But I don't think I'm far enough on to take them up on it. (The current "crisis" is finding time with my fiance to finalize the guest list, which is only a crisis because I thought we had agreed on it weeks ago!)
I've already announced we'll have a centerpiece party at some point this spring where they'll help me wrap vellum around the bajillion vases we're using, and they're totally down.
What do you (any of you) wish you BMs were helping with more? What are you delegating well?
We are in the beginning of planning, but they've already thrown an awesome engagement party and are excited to be involved, so they are pretty awesome! :)
my bridesmaids, at least most of them, have practically begged to help every step of the way...I feel bad because I haven't really nown what to delegate. They came with my dress shopping (for mine and for bridesmaid dresses), and they'll help me put together invitations, favors and the flowers. Maye I'll have more things to help with as we get closer to the date.
I think the reason that my BM's are so excited and willing to help is that I'm the first to get married of all my friends and family.
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I am positive my BMs would rock, but sadly I always feel guilty asking for help. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm sure they'll be there when I finally loose my mind from DIYs and beg for assistance.
@beffielou that is exactly how I feel! I was just thinking last night about how I always mean it when I volunteer to help others, and I'm going to try to keep that in mind when I start to crack.
My sister/MOH and her husband/graphic designer husband are doing my invites, so all that's left for that is to stuff and address, so I don't think I need/can ask for help on that. (Especially since we're printing our envelopes!)
@beffielou that is exactly how I feel! I was just thinking last night about how I always mean it when I volunteer to help others, and I'm going to try to keep that in mind when I start to crack.
My sister/MOH and her husband/graphic designer husband are doing my invites, so all that's left for that is to stuff and address, so I don't think I need/can ask for help on that. (Especially since we're printing our envelopes!)
Two of my bridesmaids live near me, and the other three live in other states. One of them has come with me to venue visits, but the others haven't really done anything...I had to bother them repeatedly just to get their addresses so I can send the STDs out. I'm kind of disappointed.
Its said to say but I am a very independant bride and I feel weird asking for help. So here and there I ask my girls but other than that its me and the Mr.
Mine all live nearby, but they didn't to anything for me. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that they've never been BMs before, so maybe didn't know what they should have done.
I am 5 months from my wedding and none of my BMs have done anything. My MOH is constantly asking if I need her for anything and I always decline help because, 1) I don't know what I would task her with, and 2) I feel I need to be in control of everything regarding the wedding and don't feel I can trust anyone else with anything. Two of my BMs live out of state (Oregon and Arizona while I am in WI) so I don't expect much of them; 1 of them has offered help numerous times since she was just married last August, but I don't know much of what she could do living so far.
The BM that lives in Oregon definitely won't be able to make my Bridal Shower but is likely coming back for my Bach party; my BM in Arizona is likely coming for the Bridal Shower but not the Bach party. I don't expect them to attend either of these events considering but they have offered to which I do appreciate.
One of my BMs hasn't paid me for her dress yet (I bought them all at once from J. Crew). She is who I am most worried about as she just doesn't get the urgency in these things. My MOH and other BM that lives near here are starting to plan my Bridal Shower and are doing it mostly by themselves as she sometimes comes off as pessimistic. Unfortunately, she does not get along with either of the 2 BMs that are planning the Shower - all three of them used to be very close with the other but the 1 BM that hasn't paid me, like I said, has a bad attitude/can be snotty and doesn't hide when she doesn't like people so the other 2 have fallen out of friendship with her within the past 3-4 years. She has always been a very, very good friend to me and I can look past her sour attitude at times as I can appreciate her honesty - plus we have just been through much more together. But trying to get her to move on things will be my only gripe... (I think!) She has already commented about the price of the dresses (saying it was wayy too much - they were $130) so I think I might just bite my lip and buy shoes for her since I know she doesn't have a solid income coming in right now (she is attending grad school and just waitressing).
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Wow, I didn't think that the poll would be basically split in half by bridesmaids who have helped and bridesmaids who have not. That is pretty interesting. Although my bridesmaids have not offered to help, I think I just need to be thankful that I get to have my closest ladies standing by my side on my special day. Everything will work out no matter what :)
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I was just curious if it was the norm for BMs to help out a lot or if most bridesmaids don't do anything. As of now, I have been engaged for a year and a half, and my bridesmaids haven't even offered to help. Not even all of them have taken the time to get their dresses. Is this weird or is this normal behavior?