Post # 1
- Wedding: Topnotch Resort, Stowe, VT
Hi bees! This is my first post and I’m wondering how much information is TOO much information for a proposal. Here’s some background: my SO and I have been together almost 5 years, we’re 28 and have talked about getting engaged over the last 2 years. We’ve gone to try on rings over that time but he never gave me any signs that he was seriously thinking about a proposal… until recently. He tried to have a secret dinner with my parents to talk about ring shopping but my mom kinda blew it when she asked me to email her photos of rings I like the next day. I told him that she had asked me and since then he’s been keeping me in the loop and he’s promised a proposal by New Years. He’s been talking to me about his meetings with a jeweler. I told him I don’t want to know anything about the proposal because I really want to be surprised but I don’t mind talking to him about the ring since I’m kind of particular and I don’t mind being kept in the loop as far as his meeting with his jeweler. He told me two days ago that he thinks he found the ring he likes and as long as financing can be worked out he’ll probably go with it. (eek!)
My friends seem to think that I’m “ruining” this moment for myself and I should ask him to stop giving me details. The thing is, I’ve been waiting for this for what feels like forever, it’s taken a LOT to get to this point, and he gave me a false timeline before this (he told me we would be engaged by the end of the summer which didn’t happen and it caused a big argument) so I feel like a weight has been lifted knowing that he’s actually making a purchase soon.
SO my question is this… what is your opinion on being completely in the dark as opposed to knowing a lot of information? Do you think I’m ruining this for myself? Should I ask him to stop telling me details? I HAVE told him I want to be completely surprised with a proposal and I don’t want to know exactly what ring he ends up going with, although he definitely knows what I like. All this being said, I am SO excited and feel like I’m going to burst!
Post # 2
Girl…. do you! Who cares what anyone else thinks. It’s your proposal, and your life, and if you and your man are happy that’s all that matters
Congrats on your upcoming proposal!
Post # 3
- Wedding: Topnotch Resort, Stowe, VT
TaraMay_: Thank you!! That’s what I was thinking… and I explained to my friends that everyone is different, where some people are more traditional and want everything to be a surprise as opposed to other people who want to be completely involved. I just wanted some feedback because my friends were starting to make me feel bad about it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Honestly, it’s really up to you and what you want! I knew practically every aspect of my ring/proposal and it was still one of the most memorable days of my life! DH sucks at keeping secrets and to be honest, I hate surprises so it all worked out for the best. Don’t let your friends make you feel about it — it’s your proposal, not theirs!
Post # 5
Just let it play out. It will be memorable and wonderful no matter how it happens. Even if you think you know all the details, it will still be a surprise seeing it in real life!
Post # 6
merebear486: I just wanted some feedback because my friends were starting to make me feel bad about it.
They’re making you feel bad about it???? Girl, you need some new friends! Let me guess, have they never been married before? I used to have some “friends” like that and I dropped them on their @sses after I got married.
Stop listening to them, like yesterday. You’re not spoiling anything. That is ridiculous.
This is strictly between you and your SO-soon-to-be-FI.
DH and I got married in kind of a hurry, and rings just were not on my radar at the time. He started renovating a house for us, and then we eloped and moved in together all during a two-week Christmas break, when I was off work. It was hectic and crazy and wonderful and romantic. I was 90% sure my proposal was coming on my birthday weekend because DH dropped a couple of strong hints. Trust me, even though I knew it was coming, I was over the moon. He proposed with an old family solitaire which was fine with me at the time — but later on I became more curious about ring styles and asked DH if we could remodel it, so to speak. He let me pick the style I wanted and we had it customized into a halo setting that I love much better. BUT. If we had done things at a more leisurely pace, you had better bet I would have been asking questions about my ring and giving input in advance. Heck yeah! You are going to wear that ring every single day of the rest of your life — it needs to be perfect. He isn’t a mind reader. It’s OK to give him some input.
Enjoy your upcoming proposal, every beautiful, delicious moment of it! Congratulations (in advance), and good luck!
Post # 7
- Wedding: Topnotch Resort, Stowe, VT
You guys are awesome, thank you! It’s so nice to hear from other people who understand where I’m coming from. I don’t think my friends mean to make me feel bad, I just think they’re more traditional and are used to the element of surprise. But none of them are married and only one is engaged, and her proposal was a complete surprise so her perspective is different. Honestly, this website is the first time I had ever heard of people who had been involved in their proposals so it made me feel relieved amd more normal to know that I wasn’t alone in wanting to be more involved.
Post # 8
My FI and I bought my ring together. We had to have it custom made since the stone I wanted didn’t come in the setting I wanted so I looked at it after it was complete. Other than that, I told him he was not allowed to ask at Christmas and I let him do his thing!
Be as involved as you want, it doesn’t make it any less special.
Post # 9
merebear486: well in this generation the women now go shopping with the guh for the ring. Its very rare that anyone actuslly is surprised anymore.
If you are like me and you want to be surprised.yes you are ruining it. If you are particlar and want a certain style, find a picture, and tell him that his guideline.
i was like you, I wanted to be completely surprised and I was. I had no inkling he was shopping or desiging a ring and my proposal was amazing. I also didnt care what kind of engagement ring I got, I just wanted to marry him. But thats also not the case in todays generation lol
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat. I know so much about it (or at least I think I do). I think SO still has some tricks up his sleeve though, so I’m excited about that. I’ve gotten some interesting reactions about how much I know and people say I’m crazy but I just like to be in the know! My SO is super sweet about it and wants it to be a fun and surprising day for us but I know that no matter what I do or don’t know it will be a memorable day that we will always remember and you can’t ask for more than that 🙂
Post # 11
merebear486: I knew what my ring looked like before he proposed. Because, like yourself, I am very particular about what I want, and my FI and I have completely different tastes in engagement rings, I knew that if I didn’t tell him this is the one I want, I could end up with something that wouldn’t feel quite right. That also allowed for us to get the ring sized properly before the engagement, so that I could just put it on and wear it straight away!
Our friends have been really negative about it, which has actually quite hurt. They’ve said that because I knew he had the ring and what it looked like, it wasn’t romantic, and it wasn’t a surprise. But it was! We bought the ring a good three or so months before he proposed, and he proposed in a way which was so unlike him that I had absolutely no idea! He is a very private guy and has always told me he would never ever propose in public. He said he would hate the idea and that he would be too scared that I might say no (which I reassured him was ridiculous). And then he went and proposed to me on the plane when we were flying to my home country a couple of days before Christmas! He’d arranged it all with the airline and they had put up a mistletoe, announced it over the speaker system and came with champagne and a card signed by the entire crew. It blew my mind.
So I’d say that as long as you don’t know what he’s doing or the exact date, you can know as much as you want about the ring. Knowing what the ring looks like will not make it any less special, for me it was rather something that took the preassure off a little, because I knew that whenever it happened, I could just relax and enjoy it because I didn’t have to worry that I wouldn’t absolutely love the ring.
So that’s my opinion, for whatever it’s worth 🙂
Post # 12
I agree with people here that it’s really up to you. Myself, I don’t want to know a lot of details but I did want input on my ring. We’ve been ring shopping, I’ve sent him pictures, but as far as when he does it and what actual ring he picks, that’s up to him. Good luck to you, don’t let your friends make you feel bad! Congrats!!!
Post # 13
My Fiance really sucks at keeping secrets so I knew almost everything about the proposal. I picked the ring, we went to to jeweler to pick it up, I knew the exact date… But still, the proposal was awesome. Even though I knew almost everything, he managed to trick me into thinking that furniture for our new apartment is coming. Then the garage door opened and I saw him on one knee with a huuuuge poster behind him saying “Kota, will you marry me?” <br />I wouldn’t ever think that I would cry. Ohh, hell yea, I did.
Post # 14
I think it is totally up to you how much you want to know about your proposal/ring and whether or not you’re surprised or not! Congratulations on the upcoming proposal!!! In my situation, I know some of the smaller details… I know he has met with a variety of jewelers and I have a pretty good idea of where he is getting/has already gotten the ring from. We did go ring-shopping together but I told him I wouldn’t pick out “the one,” but that I would pick out about 5 I really liked to give him an idea. He told me that he talked to my dad already. I have a general idea of a timeline and know it’s coming in the next couple of months or so, and I know he is financially capable at this point. I told him not to tell me when he purchases the ring, and not to spill any secrets about how or exactly when he is going to propose… But I love surprises, so I’m hoping he can manage to keep all of those things secret until it happens because he really sucks with secrets, haha. Good luck with the rest of your wait and I can’t wait to hear about how he proposes!
Post # 15
merebear486: it’s really whatever you prefer. I am the kind of person that needs to know (I absolutely loathe surprises) but you know what he completely threw me off and totally surprised me and I loved it. you can know as little or as much as you want as long as you are taking the steps together.