How much is too much (bridesmaid question)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PDA2014:  Decline to be a bridesmaid.

Post # 4
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@PDA2014:  wow.  that seems excessive.  I’m a firm believer that weddings are about WHO you spend time with not WHAT you spend.  is there any talking to the bride? as a bride myself, if I knew my maids were uncomfortable with how much things were costing, I’d change plans immediately.  A friend would want you to be there for the important things- not make you feel emotionally and socially drained.

Post # 5
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If talking to her doesn’t seem to work, you aren’t obligated to be a bridesmaid.

Post # 6
1970 posts
Buzzing bee

@PDA2014:  My suggestion: Run. 

To be a little more helpful–I would definitely decline (a week-long cruise!?) as the combination of mismatched expectations and crushed dreams could stand not only to wreck the friendship you have with the Bride-to-be, but with others as well.  I’d just steer clear.

Post # 8
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

That is ridiculous. I would never expect anyone, nevermind a close friend, to pony up for two big trips like that.

Back out, citing the fact that you’re worried you won’t be able to financially manage it, but that you’re excited to support her in any other way.

Post # 9
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t understand, she wants two bachelorette Parties?

Post # 10
6449 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@PDA2014:  If she refuses to talk about it I would back out. A week long trip would be difficult financially and time wise (vacation from work). That is a lot to ask from BMs.

Post # 11
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Bridesmaid strike. If she won’t listen now, maybe she’ll listen when she has no bridesmaids.

Seriously though, I’d tell her I can’t afford all that and don’t feel like I would live up to the expected bridesmaids duties so I’d bow out. But that I can’t wait to see them get married and celebrate the day of.

Post # 14
128 posts
Blushing bee

I would never tell a bride what she should do but I would mention to her that flying to the wedding is the most importnat event she is planning out of all of them and say that might be all you’ll be able to afford, if not maybe say you dont mind doing one of the cruise trips and see what she says.  If not, atleast she had a moment to think about it and you didn’t come off as judgemental or rude and she can’t take offense to the conversation.

Post # 15
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@PDA2014:  I’d say, “Honey, I love you and want to be there for you though the airplane oxygen mask rule is in effect – If I can’t take care of myself, how can I take care of you? Let’s talk about what we are comfortable with, financially and logistically so that we can support you in this special time.” Hopefully the other bridesmaids feel the same.


Two events requiring that much time planning and financing is asking a lot, and if you aren’t comfortable with it, that’s ok. An entire week after the wedding is half of my vacation for the year! FI would be unhappy if I agreed to that, since it means we can’t spend time with our family or each other!


Please let us know how this turns out!

Post # 16
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I have never heard of the bridal party taking a long vacation together. FI and I take one expensive trip a year, and I can’t say I would want to do it with a big group of people! I would want to spend the money and vacay time just with him. I would have a big problem with this.

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