- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
My fiance and I have been together for almost two years. The first summer after we met, we spent EVERY weekend (plus the whole week of 4th of July) with his parents, sister & her family, at his parents’ summer cottage. During the winter, we spent EVERY weekend up at their ski house.
I actually really like spending time with his parents, but I feel like every weekend in a given season is way too much. Towards the end of the summer, I mentioned to him that I missed my family very much and was having a difficult time with the idea that now all of my weekends were planned for me. Before we met, I would see my parents at least once a week. When I moved in with my FI, that meant moving an hour away from my parents. I worked two hours away from where they live, so, really, seeing them during the week wasn’t an option.
My FI seemed to sympathize and we spent a weekend with my parents for my mom’s birthday (the birthday happened to fall on a Saturday). Great. No problem, we’re making some kind of progress. We even talked about what the whole weekends with parents thing would look like when we had kids. We basically agreed to make it every other weekend split between both sets of parents. I’m still not in love with this arrangement because it means we still have to devote whole weekends where we could be doing something as our own family unit, or, even just spending some downtime together. But it was the best compromise we could both make.
So, winter is almost here and, before there are any blowout fights, we’re having the discussion on when we’ll go up to his parents winter home. Things are a bit different this year – we’re getting married 1/26 and going on our honeymoon for a little over a week, so naturally those two weekends are out of the question. But, I’m also in grad school to become a teacher. I’m hoping to finish up as many classes as I can before we have a baby, hopefully next winter. That being said, I am taking one of these “intensive” classes over winter break, the first two weekends in January. FI was fine with this, but wants me to spend every weekend in February, plus the week of February vacation with him at his parents, since I won’t be there in January. Oh, and, I have to take and pass a teacher certification test at the latest mid-way through the semester (March) so that I can student teach in the fall. So, my point being, it’s not like I’m blowing off his family the entire month of January to give myself any downtime or spend any time with my family, I’ll be in classes and well, um, trying to tie up loose ends for our wedding!!!
I feel like we’re back to where we started. I’m really frustrated and told him I thought it would be too much. His parents are very social people and expect that when you’re with them, you’re “on” the whole time, engaging in constant conversation, playing games with them, etc. Which is fine…if I didn’t have all of this other stuff on my plate, plus wanting to spend time with my own family. And again, I really do like spending time with them but… this just feels a bit much.
I’m also worried that when we do have a baby, we’ll be expected to spend even more weekends with them, so I’m trying really hard to set boundaries now. Am I crazy?
Also, just want to clarify… the weekends we spend with them are either during the summer or winter. So, we do get a break in there from September – mid-December and then again from late March to Memorial Day. Hmmm, yeah, so… I realize how pathetic that sounds as I type it… but anyway, my point being, that during the “off-season” we see them maybe once a month, so it’s not nearly as intense. But still, it sucks that my weekends are spoken for, for entire months at a time.