(Closed) How much money contributed v. how much say in wedding choices?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
9217 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I feel very fortunate.  My parents are contributing about 70% and my fiance’s about 30%, more or less according to ability.  We may pay for a couple kegs but they’re basically covering the whole thing (again, by ability – we are just starting in our careers and don’t have much money).  BUT, both sets of parents have been super cool about just wanting us to do whatever we want.  It helps that we have a pretty casual vision and neither of our mothers are uptight / fussy / high society types.  We like all our extended family and are inviting them all.  It’s been pretty drama free so far!  *knock on wood*

Post # 4
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hmmm Im the only child so my parents always have told me they would pay for my wedding. The only thing my mom has gotten a little controlling about is she wants me to have this curtain bouquet which if that makes her happy and shes paying for it why not. But other than that they both have kept out of the wedding and have been there to support me and my fi decisions :} Although I do ask for my mothers opinion alot 😛

Post # 6
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents paid for a good chunk of our wedding but didn’t try to control anything. My mom had opinions and made her fair share of suggestions but I had the final say in everything. Their contribution was a gift, it didn’t come with strings attached. I personally think thats how it should be for everyone but different families have different dynamics. I guess I lucked out in that my parents just wanted me to be happy with the outcome.

Post # 7
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My parents are pretty much footing the bill. I have %100 say though! My mom gives me ideas and suggestions but in the end it’s my call. But since they are footing the bill, I take everything they say to heart and we have not fought over any decisions yet 🙂

Post # 9
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is such a tricky situation, because I can see both sides. 

I was fortunate that the little bit of money my parents did give me (we paid for most of the wedding ourselves) they let me spend how I wished. 

On the other hand, my husband’s parents were initially going to give us money to help cover food, but instead tried to take over and dictate what we should serve. I posted the issue on weddinbee where light was shinned on that since it is their money, it’s their choice. So we then went back to his parents and said “thank you for the offer” but we would like to pay ourselves.

In a perfect world, I think that if a parent, friend, or member of the family offers to help pay for the wedding; their input should be discussed,appreciated and implemented to some extent –  but it should not be the end all be all.  

Post # 10
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Puffthemagicdragon:  This is exactly my parents alslo.


I find it unfortunate when I read other bees saying that just because this person is contributing that they make the final decision.

Post # 11
9414 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My parents are probably paying for about half…but they haven’t tried to control anything either.  Other than advice.  I feel very fortunate when I hear about some of the horror stories! 

However, my parents and I are pretty alike religiously and politically so there aren’t big things that we would disagree on in the first place.

Post # 12
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

We paid for everything, and we made all the choices.  

While I agree that it’s polite to be accomodating when your parents make requests, I don’t think parents should “buy” influence on how the day goes.  It’s ok to make a request, it’s not ok to give a gift with strings attached. 

Post # 13
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My parents are paying for our wedding. While they haven’t made any major requests or demands, we are definitely taking their opinions into consideration. It also seems like my mom is holding back her opinion a bit as she doesn’t want us to feel obligated to do what she wants. 

Post # 14
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Some people are more focused about what they think is right or what they want. Some people feel that by them paying for the wedding, that means they get to decide how it’s planned.

If you don’t want to conceed any details, or do things other people want, then pay for your own wedding. It’s that simple.  

Post # 15
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@redheadem:  my parents contributed 40%, his parents contributed 20% and we as a couple contributed 40%

both sets of parents were AMAZING at just handing over the funds and being totally supportive of whatever we did with it. I am pretty budget-savvy with money and so I think they trusted me fully to spend wisely… I felt the need to include them in talks about what things cost but they are my best friends so it was bound to happen whether they contributed or not. lol


it was up to us what we did with the money (spend it all plus more or save it for our first place down payment, or go on a crazy amazing honeymoon!) 


I feel very fortunate when I hear nightmare stories about control issues… Basically you’re adults and should act like it! They had their wedding and this is yours…


Post # 16
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you don’t want to conceed any details, or do things other people want, then pay for your own wedding. It’s that simple. 

@drummerbride:  This exactly!  My Fiance and I are paying for our own wedding for this exact reason.

 So happy for the brides that have supportive parents.  This is not the case for me, a great example is my wedding dress.  My mother said she refused to help me with my gown unless I “stopped being fat.”  Thanks mom.

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