Post # 1
*sigh* I simply am not sure what to say, but I’m just frustrated/disappointed/confused and would like some kind of advice….
Did any of you bees have much money when you got married? Did you wait until you had a certain amount before you were sure? Did it end up working out okay?
My FI and I have been reluctant to set an official date yet because he had a part-time job for a little bit, but then recently lost it and I have a part-time job and do some babysitting here and there, but we are young (21 and 22) and don’t have money saved up…I asked him today if our wanted date of March 31 is even a possibility or if it’s too soon? He thinks it’s way too soon, especially since he doesn’t have a job and the railroad job he thought he might get fell through. So I asked how much he wants before he would feel good about getting married…he said around $12,000…..WHAT? Am I crazy or is he? I feel like we’ll never be able to get married in the near future if he expects us to have that much.
For me..I just thought if we had at least part-time jobs and a couple thousand in the bank, we would be fine on a small budget for a while..at least we’d be married. We’ve already been dating almost 5 years (since high school).
Post # 3
I think it all depends on what kind of wedding you want.
Many, many couples have been able to have beautiful weddings for 5K. It takes a lot of hard work and DIY. But at the end of the day the result is the same, you are married.
I think given that neither have you have full time jobs right now you need to really sit down and work numbers.
Write up a guest list of musts, knock off plus 1s, knock off anything that’s not important to you. Some people choose no booze, some no kids. Have a backyard BBQ. A picnic at a local park. An intimate wedding at a local restaurant.
It all depends on what you two are expecting your wedding to be.
Take a gander at wedding budget lists. Cross off anything that’s not important to you. Allot x dollars, ask for estimates from girls on here from your area for realistic numbers.
Work on your budget. How much do you two make, subtract all bills and necessary living expenses. How much can you realistically save each month? Can you expect any definitive contribution from family. Add all that together how long will it take you to get to the wedding you want?
Best of luck!
Post # 4
Hi, thanks for your response….I’m not really worried about the wedding cost…I know that I can do it for just a few thousand (friendors, classifides, etc.)…I think it’s the “once we’re married, we’re going to be footing everything on our own” money we aren’t sure about/agreeing on..
Post # 5
We were 26/31 when we got married and had been working full time since graduating at 21 so we did have quite a bit saved up. It’s always nice to have a good amount of savings, but I dont think saving is a requirement of getting married. As long as you have the same (or agreeable) saving/spending habits, you can always work on building savings after getting married.
@Jamcnair:.I think it’s the “once we’re married, we’re going to be footing everything on our own” money we aren’t sure about/agreeing on..
If you dont get married yet, are you living at home to ease cost of living and save money?
Post # 6
I agree it depends on the type of wedding you want… I had a decent savings so we went for it but our wedding is going to be in the 35K ballpark… we waited almost two years for the big day so we could save our butts off so we could pay cash… I only work part time and we have a toddler at home… we just made it worked and saved more then we spent… and that even includeds almost a year where FI was off work cause he had a bad accident and had an amputation… so its all in how musch you want in order for how long you wait and how much you need to save… if you want a 10000 wedding just save until you forsee it happening and then set a date… just make sure you dont go in to debt I dont think being in debt is a good way to start a marriage…
we had an estimate in mind of what money we needed and figured out a spread sheet of money per month we could save and figured how long it would take and projected it for then…
good luck girl! just save every dollar you can!
Post # 7
Pinkshoes- Yes, we are living at home
Post # 8
@Jamcnair: ah.. if you plan on moving out and being on your own after being married, I think the bigger issue is a secure job where you can support yourselves, not a hefty savings. Honestly, I would be hesitant to get married if I did not have a job and my FI had only a part time job. Otherwise, would it be an option to live with one of your families (after marriage) until you two can get out and on your own?
Post # 9
I agree that you need to have a job to pay bills but you also need some savings to get out on your own. You will have to pay utility deposits with your local company, first and last month’s rent and a security deposit at an apartment and probably prepay for your renters/auto insurance before even stepping out of the door of your parents place. That will easily be a few thousand dollars you need to come up with quickly.
Plus I personally like to have at least a few month’s expenses cushion in case things come up (and now that’s more important than ever with jobs being harder to come by). Try to scrimp and save as much as you can with you getting a job and I hope he finds work soon to help with the savings!
Post # 10
I would make sure that you both have steady jobs and will be able to pay your monthly expenses, but I also wouldn’t worry about having a big savings. Savings are great, but we also don’t have any. I think it’s kind of like having a baby, there is never a “perfect time”, sometimes you just have to go for it! As long as you can afford to put a roof over your heads, gas in your cars, and food in your mouths you should be ok!
Post # 11
@pinkshoes: I agree.. the most important thing is to secure jobs, so that you’ll have a steady income. Savings are great, but if you don’t have a steady flow of money coming in, what are you going to do once the savings run out? Whether it’s 2,000 or 12,000, it’s going to run out at some point. In this economy, you can’t assume that you’ll have a job within ‘x’ amount of months…
Post # 12
I think this is a very personal question and decision. I never would have been ready to be married at 21 or 22 even though I had a full time job and my master’s degree at 22. That is just my own personal feelings though and I think everyone has them. I’d respect your fiance’s decision as it seems rational (and normal for a man?) to want to start your marriage feeling secure in your finances.
Post # 13
Depends on what that $12K represents to him. If it’s not for the wedding fund then is it what he expects to need for a house downpayment and the 6-month cushion that’s recommended for a safety-net?
I’ve never considered how much money was in the savings account, etc. as a condition for setting a date or getting married. To me, it’s much more important that we’re both employed and paying our bills and not struggling.
The fact that you’re both struggling to stay employed is a cause for concern, yes, but not simply because there won’t be a safety net. It’s more a concern because money (or the lack thereof) can put a tremendous strain on the life of a married couple and if waiting until you’re more stable and secure can help avoid that kind of stress, then it wouldn’t hurt to wait a bit for your own sakes.
Post # 14
I think you should wait until you can support yourselves on your own, and you should try to estimate what that would cost where you’d live. How much is an apartment, utilities, car insurance and gas, health insurance, etc. However, sometimes it is best to just jump right in and do it. FI and I both pretty much support ourselves- I pay rent and all my bills, and my tuition, and FI pays foranything he needs though he lives at home- so for us, it would actually be cheaper to get married so we can combine everything. Plus, I’ll still be in school, and once I’m married I’ll be considered independent on the FAFSA- giving me about $8500 free and tons of extra government loans to finish college. We’ll be making money if we get married! So you need to seriously look at your finances now and what they would be married, estimate som figures, and see what is best for you.
And if waiting a bit ends up being best… I know it sucks, but it will come.
Post # 15
@Jamcnair: Have you tried setting a budget? Look around at how much apartment’s cost in your area. Keep track of how much your food would cost if you were making at home (I assume you just eat your parents food since you live at home? Ah, I miss free stuff like that!). Take note of what you spend on gas, etc etc. There are pre-made budgets online that you can use. Put in your current wages and see if you actually have enough to live. If you’re only working 25 hours a week, that will probably barely cover your rent, let alone utilities and gas and food and clothing etc. If you can realistically live on your current salary, get married. If not, wait awhile. And, I definitely agree with PPs that having enough to cover your monthly expenses is more important than saving 12K.
Post # 16
I personally think money stress isn’t a good way to start off a marriage. If he is going to be stressed by not reachin X goal than, regardless of how you feel, it will be an issue. Maybe you can see if there is a smaller amount that he will be comfortable with and show him that you can save and watch your spending on what you have.