How much money makes it worthwhile to be long distance with your DH?

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: We'd have to earn $________ extra per year to consider going long distance for the money.
    $10,000+ : (1 votes)
    1 %
    $25,000+ : (5 votes)
    4 %
    $50,000+ : (19 votes)
    17 %
    $75,000+ : (6 votes)
    5 %
    $100,000+ : (21 votes)
    18 %
    $150,000+ : (8 votes)
    7 %
    $250,000+ : (12 votes)
    11 %
    No amount would make it worthwhile : (42 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee

    Given it’s gone longer than expected and therefore you’ve earnt more money than you hoped for, perhaps it’s time to draw the line. When will it end otherwise? Money is important, yes, however it’s not everything and I am entering the field of medicine where I’ve already seen lives changed due to the unexpected. Life is too short… It may be a morbid perspective, but one I hold strongly these days.

    Post # 3
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    DH and I are long distance and have been for our entire relationship, 4 years. It wasn’t supposed to last this long, but he hasn’t been able to find a different job. I would never do this again. The money is good but no amount of extra money would be worth it to me, unless we were seriously struggling financially and couldn’t make ends meet any other way. We have a toddler and it’s really hard on her because she doesn’t understand. And it’s really hard on me doing it alone because I have no other family. Besides which, it’s just impossible to have a thriving marriage this way. It takes so much extra work to just maintain our connection and closeness with the distance, that I feel like we can never truly grow in our relationship and in our bond as a family until we are living together every day. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    What’s stopping you from joining him where he works permanently? For me, no amount of money would be worth a long distance relationship for more than maybe a school year (9-10 months) and even then, it would have to be a lot. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    419 posts
    Helper bee

    Move. I don’t get the issue. Growing up my dad worked contracts in different cities but flew home every weekend. So IDK if you guys are doing that, but it’s not sustainable. If it really is a TON of extra money I don’t see why you guys can’t afford for you to move there. However IMO TON of extra money = 30k+ extra. Or in other words enough that you getting a job right away wouldn’t be a factor. But rereading the ‘every 2-3 weekends’ visit. That makes no sense. If it can’t pay enough for at a MINIMUM for him to go to his own home more then 2 times a month then frankly that isn’t enough of a pay increase. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  keesl.
    Post # 6
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    No amount would be worth it for my husband and I; however, if it were the right amount of money in the right area, I would be willing to relocate with him.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4639 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    No amount. We have enough money as it is, the thing we’ll never have enough of is time. You can’t get extra time from an employer to compensate for all you’re missing. I mean that very literally, no amount of money in the world would make it worth it for my FI to be somewhere without me, or vice versa. I would hate to look back in 10 years and feel a loss for all of the time we missed out on together because of the prospect of making more money. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    7262 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I would move to where he was working.

    Post # 9
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I am all about getting the money to live the way I want….the variable in my price would be if we are paying rent in both places or is work covering some of his living expenses in addition to the salary?

    Post # 10
    Member
    4817 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    It’s hard to answer because I would move too (I work from home, or I’d find a new job), but if for some reason we had to be apart, I’d do it for probably around $200K for one year (assuming we were still both in the continental US).

    Post # 10
    Member
    1627 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My husband has opportunities to increase his pay by $50-60,000 and receive housing subsidies by moving to a different city with his current eemployer. You’d think he would take it, but nope he likes being home more. I’m not sure how much would make him move to his dream city and get the work assignments he always wanted. Seems like a no brainer to me. Maybe if the job paid well enough to cover my salary he would consider it. So there could always be a possibility I would relocate too and me finding a job would not be as worrisome.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5012 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    cbgg:  This is a hard one to answer because I feel like if FI was making a TON of money…I would just quit my job and move with him. So I guess enough money to make it able for us to be able to live off his salary until I found a job! 

    In your situation, I can see that it’s temporary, though it keeps getting extended. It would have to be a lot and there would have to be a guarantee that it was over within a year or so. Any other amount of time, I’d move. 

    If he takes the extension of two years, I think you need to move to be with him!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1169 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Been there, done that. We did it not for financial reasons specifically but because my now-DH, then boyfriend was pursuing a specific career path that had no job opportunities in the area where I was still finishing up grad school. Like you, we thought we had a reasonable timeline of 1-1.5 years, but it ended up being 3 years almost to the day. We had almost identical travel times, costs, and frequencies to what you describe.

    I can only speak for us personally, but we will never, ever, ever do that again. We both ultimately determined that no one job title or salary amount makes that kind of lifestyle worthwhile. Especially when there is not a definite end in sight, or if the goalposts keep getting moved. At least for us, it started to feel like the relationship kept slipping down the priority list no matter how hard we worked at it — this is a feeling that can get really corrosive over time.

    Money is nice, and I like my career and DH likes his. But at some point, what makes us personally happy has won out over specific professional priorities, so we will never go back to long distance.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3044 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    At a certain point it would be worthwhile to me to quit my Job and move with him. I can freelance over the internet for a while to keep my career moving.

    Post # 16
    Member
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    cbgg:  Enough that I could either go live with him or visit him often which would defeat th epurpose of living apart.  My husband might be going away for two 2 week long trips later this summer and even though it will be nice to have the extra money, 2 weeks seems like a long time to me.  I don’t sleep well when he’s out of town.

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