How much say does your family get?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How much say does your family have in your choice of partner?
    No say - I would lose them over a partner they hated : (53 votes)
    27 %
    Some say - I want everyone to get along and it would be a hard choice : (110 votes)
    57 %
    A lot of say - I wouldn't lose my family over a partner : (31 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My family knows me very well and we are very close so if they had an issue with a partner of mine, I would really stop and consider what it is about that person that made them dislike him. I had an ex they absolutely hated and I couldn’t see it at the time because I was in the infatuation stage, but the more I thought about it, the more I started to notice the things he would do that were manipulative and borderline emotionally abusive. They turned out to be 100% right about him. They also loved FI and got along amazingly from the second they met him, so I consider them pretty good judges of character. My sister is especially good at reading people and has absolutely no issue with speaking her mind when she dislikes someone. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    744 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsPanda99:  It is very important that my FI and my family get along.  Luckily for me they do but my sister’s husband and my family do not get along.  So, my sister brings herself and my nephew to our holiday events and her husband does not come.  That is weird to me and I am glad that my FI and I from the beginning had an agreement that we would spend holidays together and we both fit in very well with eachother’s families.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    2400 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MrsPanda99:  I wouldn’t say that I think about them in specific. My parents raised me with the thought that you don’t date someone unless you could see long-term marriage potential with them- if you don’t then it’s time to move on. So I do what you describe but not specifically with my family dynamic in mind…. Luckily they are all in love with DH & my dad started calling & introducing him as his son-in-law probably 3-4 years before we even got engaged!

    Post # 6
    Member
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @MrsPanda99:  my dad is pretty loving and accepting of everyone so if he really disapproved of someone it would be because the dude treated me badly. As an adult I have more respect for myself than that so there’s no way the issue would even come up now. But when I first started dating my FI my favorite cousin asked who would need to “approve him” and I had a hugely negative visceral reaction and said “no one!!!” 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @MrsPanda99:  Its me and Mr. 99, and thats all…I’m a very family oriented person, but I have a hierarchy of where everything falls, and no matter the circumstance…he’s first.

    He is the exact opposite of everything I was raised around and influenced by, I find him to be refreshing, inspiring and tough as nails…which is exactly what I wanted…I just didn’t know until I clapped eyes on him.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I am very close with my family, and they support my choices, no matter what. It would be highly unlikely that I would date someone that they didn’t approve of because we value the same characteristics in people: kind, hard-working, family oriented, etc.

    IF it came down to it, I can’t imagine losing my family over my partner. They are my flesh and blood. I think if I chose my partner over them, I’d come to resent him down the line and things probably wouldn’t work out anyway.

    Good thing I don’t have to worry about this – they have loved my fiance since we started dating 8 years ago, and he has long since been a part of the family.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    6073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Being that I usually dated people for years before my family even meets them, I’d say they have very little sway on my decisons!

    My mom has met my H only 5 times total I think.  And we’ve been together for over 5 years now.  It was even fewer with my exH.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @MrsPanda99:  …I knew the minute I saw Mr. 99 that I was going to marry him…actually, it was the exact moment he took off his sunglasses and I looked him in the eyes….those cerulean depths told me everything I needed to know about him and I never looked back, someone would have had an easier time bailing out the tide than telling me to leave him alone

    ….my parents got engaged after dating for two weeks….so my experience was nothing out of the ordinary in our family, they’ve been married 37 years, my brother has been married for 10 and we’re going on 6…some people know a sure thing when they see it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @MrsPanda99:  Honestly, it’s a non-issue for me, because my family would only dislike my partner if they treated me poorly or made me unhappy. So I guess they get a lot of say, because they’ve only ever intervened in one relationship in which I was treated VERY badly. So if they were to ever dislike my husband, I suppose I’d have to take a very hard look at our marriage. And I think, considering he’s a part of the family now, they would probably more than likely take issue up  with him.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4640 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My FI comes first. We’re a unit and always present ourselves as one, no matter what the situation.

    My family supports everything I do, if they had issue with someone I was dating and spoke up, I would certainly listen to what they had to say.. They’re not the type of people who create drama or dislike people without merit, I respect them and what they have to say. They adore my FI, and joke that they like him more than they like me…. I would NOT want to marry someone my parents didn’t like.

     

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    My family has zero say or influence in my relationships.  Back in college, I dated a guy for 2 years.  I was having a great time and we had a good thing going for a while.  Obviously, it didn’t work out, but he was a good guy and I have no regrets about the relationship.  But, my parents hated him because they thought his mathematics degree was beneath me (I majored in business) and that he couldn’t provide for me.  Yeah, they had a few screws loose. They even refused to acknowledge that we were in a relationship; they would always change the subject if I brought him up.  And it’s not like they had a bad history or lots of drama with him…they met him twice in our 2 years of dating and both times were in the first few months.  I decided that if they could not even look past their own interests and acknowledge someone who clearly makes their daughter happy, that they would no longer be a factor or influence in my dating life.  They like my FI, which is cool.  I was actually taken by surprise with how much they like him.  But, if they hadn’t liked the man I planned to marry, it would not have phased me.

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