(Closed) How much should I include her? (bit long)

posted 5 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: Should I include FMIL in the planning?
    Yes, include her a lot, I'll tell you where : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Yes, include her a little, I'll tell you where : (6 votes)
    13 %
    Just keep her informed of basics : (31 votes)
    66 %
    Don't include her : (9 votes)
    19 %
    Other? : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

    @Eckle:  Ok you have a few votes but no comments.  I would just let her be.  She obviously has very negative feelings about you two getting married.  So, really, if you involved her you would just be opening up yourself to all this negativity.  I don’t think she will ever change and you will just have to come to terms with it.

    I voted to keep her informed of the basic details.  This way you are not lowering yourself to her level by being negative towards her.  Doing this will also not give her a reason to ‘bad mouth’ you about not being involved. 

    If, in the future she wants to be involved more, at least she knows the basics and there is somewhere to start to build a relationship, but please don’t think this is going to happen anytime soon. 

    Surround yourself with positive and loving people and enjoy your wedding planning.  This is a wonderful time in your life so don’t let others spoil it for you.  Good luck and Congratulations!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2497 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Eckle:  I think if she is nice to your face, you should try to include her in the wedding planning when you can (but only as much as you feel comfortable). It sounds like she has some preconceived notions about you. If she accepts your invitation to attend some of your wedding planning events, maybe her views on you will soften a bit.

    Post # 6
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

    @somethingaquamarine:  +1 Agree.

     @Eckle:  Now that you have explained further about the relationship between your FI and his mum, then keep her informed and invite her to ‘events’, give her the option to say yes or no.  But is she does attend and continues to be negative, just reduce the number of invitations you extend to her. 

    It is delicate to balance, but from what you have said about you, and your job etc. you sound like a very level headed and mature young lady.  I have no doubt you will be able to juggle the situation.

    Post # 9
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

    @Eckle:  I doubt I would ask her to go wedding dress shopping, you really want positive people around you at this time, people whoes opinions you really trust.

    But how about looking for shoes, maybe checking out a place for the rehearsal dinner.  Maybe going to get your nails done to see how some colours work.  You could have a trial mani together.  But, maybe she is not the type!

    Post # 11
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2005

    Honestly I would give her the option of providing input with the stipulation that she not be insult, demeaning or rude.  It’s your wedding, if she doesn’t like it then she can choose to not be a part of it but that’s her choice.

    Post # 12
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

    @Eckle:  Forgot you live long distance!!  This makes it more difficult.  Just relax, let things take their course, the more you stress over it the less you will be able to identify opportunities to involve her.

    As your planning takes shape, you will identify areas that you can involve her input.  Maybe send her some Pinterest photos of what you like.  Ask her opinion of wording for invitation.  Something along that line.  This will be easy if she is on e-mail.

    Also involve your FI in identifying ways to involved his parents (both of them). Currently he hasn’t got an answer, but again, as time goes by things may occur to him.

    More importantly, I think your FMIL needs time to digest the announcement and come to terms with the fact you two are going to get married.  Please don’t push too hard, too early, give her time.

    It’s very early days for you with a Aug 2014 wedding date.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    2497 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Eckle:  I also forgot to write another bonus to inviting her to these things: it forces her to acknowledge your impending marriage to your FI.

    Ways you could involve your FMIL:

    • Invitations (this can be done online – send her images of invites you are considering),

    • Bridal accessories (you mentioned you were 350 miles away from her and dress shopping is too intimate, so this may be a good second option),

    • Decorations for your venue (this can also be done online).

    It doesn’t have to be anything big. If you are having trouble deciding between two things, i.e., chicken + beef or fish + beef, you can ask for her opinion. This way she feels invested in your wedding, but you aren’t leaving big decisions up to her.

    Post # 15
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

    @somethingaquamarine:  That is a great point:

    another bonus to inviting her to these things: it forces her to acknowledge your impending marriage to your FI

    The topic ‘How much should I include her? (bit long)’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors