- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ask her to please try on some gold dresses. She doesn't have to like them but she can at least try them on with an open mind.
I kind of think the dress and how that choice goes down sets the tone for the bridesmaids/MOH feeling about being a part of the wedding. I think if any of your girls hate the dress or color you pick you should reconsider. No one wants to feel like they look awful, even if you don't think they do, you know?
A lot..
if she's not happy with her dress and feel comfortable in it..she's not going to look happy or comfortable in your wedding photos.
Compromise. Maybe a black dress with gold in it. Or a black dress with gold shoes.
I'm trying. I've never been really bossy and usually do whatever I can to make everyone else happy. This is one time that I just want to focus on what I want.
I may just pick out a dress without actually seeing her in it, and just tell her to go get fitted. That way I don't have to hear her whine. How horrible would that be!? lol
Ehh I don't know. I was all about wanting to make my bridesmaids happy and bent over backwards, changing the color of the dresses, in order to please them. Looking back, I feel like I shoudl have just gone for what I wanted. As long as the dress isn't uncomfortable (falling down, too tight, too low cut) and really doesn't make them look awful, I feel like they need to suck it up and wear the dress. It's 6 hours of their life, it's not the end of the world.
I understand completely what most of you are saying about wanting them to be comfortable. I tend to agree. However, I'm afraid I compromise with one and the others won't be happy.
I already have two people in my party that hate eachother.
Right now My MOH doesn't even want to try on the dresses I pick out. I guess I could just give them free reign and let them pick out their own dresses. Then I'll be upset, but like always everyone else will be happy. :)
Is your MOH the only one who doesn't like the dress? If that is the case, and I think you said she is your sister, maybe you can have your mom or a relative get involved and encourage her to try on the dress at least. There are more layers to the situation when it is your sister. I get what you are saying but I would just be wary of doing anything that is going to make your MOH upset for the rest of the time up to the wedding - esp. if she is your sister ;) Also, 'comfortable' is very relative, I mean even if the dress fit well, if I really felt like I looked awful in the style or color I would be very uncomfortable.
I know how you feel! I wanted my girls to wear short dresses because I thought they would go better with our casualish/garden wedding. There's 6 BMs and 2 MsOH. 4 of the BMs preferred long dresses, but I didn't know what the MsOH were wearing yet (didn't get to go dress shopping with them until months later) and if the MsOH had short dresses and all the others had long, I thought that would be a good way to set them apart. It was a tough decision: on the one hand I'm the bride and wanted to be able to say what I wanted them to wear, but on the other hand, they paid for their dresses, so I wanted them to like them. I've been in weddings where I was told what to buy, and I bought it but didn't necessarily like it. I've also been in weddings where I was involved in choosing the BM dress; I much preferred the latter, so I wanted to do the same for my girls. In the end, it was more important to me that they like their dresses (although I did make an executive bridal decision and asked 2 of the BMs to get long, majority vote, eventhough they preferred short because I didn't want it to look funny in pics; now I think I should have just let them get what they wanted but it's too late). How much it matters if they like the dress I think depends on who pays for it.
I think you should care. They are the ones who have to wear it, and are doing a lot for you (hopefully). I would never make someone wear what they don't want to.
I think you should to an extent, but I'm also of the opinion that the BM's should just wear what they're asked, within reason. Unless the gold honestly looks horrible on her, thats the theme you want, and she should go with it. I would NEVER tell a bride to change their colour scheme because I didnt like the colour on me... I think the BM dress colours & styles are the brides choice, and the BMs should just suck it up. Since she's being really difficult, I'd go with your plan, sounds like she's being kinda bratty/unreasonable to not even try them on and give it a chance.
Also, I think too many BM's forget that it's not THEIR wedding, no one is really going to be paying attention to them that much, the focus is on the bride. Sure they dont want to look horrible, but they shouldn't give the bride a hard time either over something that is really for the bride & groom. Just my opinion.
Hmmm. Personally, my MOH and bridesmaid's opinion of their dresses were more important to me than my own. I retained veto power, but I love my girls and wanted them to be happy. It sucks having to drop $100+ on a dress you don't like and will never wear again.
I agree with europomme. I would never in a million years tell the bride i hated the BM dress. I think this is your day and you should have what you want on your day. It's only one day!
Question, how does she know its going tolook awful if she wont even try it on??
I think the color of the dress is completely the bride's call, as it usually ties into other elements of the wedding. As for the syle of the dress, you should absolutely take into consideration what the girls are comfortable with. Choosing a skintight, shiny satin number when your girls aren't model thin, or forcing a large chested woman to wear a backless dress sans bra, for expample, is just wrong.
But your sister doesn't like gold? I say too bad. :)
Well, let me tell you this:
I had a very strong vision of how I wanted my girls to look on our wedding day. I told them what I wanted them to wear, and they were like, "Great! Sure!" Well, come to find out, they all started talking (not to me) that they hated my idea and were really hoping I chose something else. Long story short, I gave them a color, and told them to wear whatever the heck they wanted.
*FYI, I wanted them to wear classy looking silky ivory halter (totally re-wearable) tops with skirts that hit the waist, finished off with a chic belt (that I offered to pay for). No dice! My MOH even tried it on, and I fell in love with the look, and it was incredibly affordable. Plus, I wanted something really different, but classic.
I was initially really upset because like seriously, I had really, really wanted them to go for a certain look, and I kept thinking to myself, "Why won't they just at least try it!? I mean, it's MY wedding!" Then I realized how ridiculous I sounded, and in the end, just wanted them to feel good about what they wore.
They all ended up picking the same dress, believe it or not, and even though I wanted them all to wear their hair down and natural, they all chose up do's. Oh well! Quite honestly, I don't think some of the girls looked all that great in it, and it was kind of a generic BM dress, but they looked happy and comfortable, so whatever! That's what was important.
I have to say, I went with a completely opposite approach. For each of my weddings, I had only one female attendant, and told her to pick out something she liked and just let me know what it was. I understand that you can't do that when you have a bunch of attendants and want them to be coordinated. However, I would still recommend trying to accommodate at least the majority.
I agree with sailor: The bride should be able to pick whatever COLOR she wants, the wedding colors are hers to choose =] The style are negotionable to a point, I understand bending a little to make MOH happy maybe using another one of your wedding colors for her and gold for the BM? Ex: I was going to go with brown and pink as wedding colors, I asked MOH wich she preferred and the BM got the other color! ( i have changed my colors since then, but thats why Im waiting til later on to pick BM dresses, I change my mind so much =] )
I spent a lot of time trying to make my BMs all happy, but it was impossible and in the end I just picked what I liked. As long as its not really expensive or really hideous I feel like BMs need to shut their mouths and deal with it. I had one BM say she preferred blue over green, I picked a green dress and it turns out the color looks amazing on her. I would NEVER complain to a bride about not wanting to wear a certain color.
I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate the dress I have to wear. I cringe everytime I think of it. HOWEVER, I would never ever tell this to the bride! It's her wedding and she has a vision and when I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I knew that meant agreeing to wear whatever dress she liked. I think it would be nice to let bridesmaids have some say in the style or fit of the dress, that way they can be comfortable, but arguing about colour is just rude in my opinion. The bride usually has a colour scheme in mind and bridesmaids dresses are a big part of that, so unless you've tried on the dress and it really does look awful (and the bride would usually agree to change colours if that was the case) then there's no reason to be complaining. Most people don't actually wear their bridesmaid dresses again anyways.
I would just stick with the gold colour because you love it, and let her pick a gold dress in a style she feels comfortable in. It's a compromise and she should be grateful that you are letting her do that. Good luck!
I think having the other bridesmaids in gold and her in black with gold or something would be a good solution.
Well, my bridesmaids were told to pick whatever dress they wanted from Bill Levkoff as long as it came in satin and eggplant. I know for a fact that 4 out of 6 of them would much rather have preferred black, but guess what? It's my choice! I have been in MANY weddings in which I either hated the dress, the color or both but I NEVER would have said that to the bride. Why? It wasn't my wedding! If that's the color you want, then you should stick to it. She can pick the style, if that's an option for the color. I think because she's your sister she's in the position to whine and complain about it. Because she's your sister I say, tell her "too bad" this is what you're wearing, if you don't like it, tough." She's your sister, she'll get over it. And to not even try it on is a little childish in my opinion and sounds like there may be some jealousy going on.
Maybe you can go shopping with your sister to look for a gold dress that you both like. She should at least try them on.
if you're making her spend a lot of money, you should care a little bit at least what she thinks of her dress. but really, she should just suck it up.
From the way you said "like always" it sounds like you're usually good with compromising. I think you should go for the gold this time :). It's your wedding day - don't expect slaves out of your BMs of course, but it's totally acceptable for you to expect them to comply with your wedding colors!
I love love love gold as a color, so I know what you mean. But...it's just not everyone's cup of tea. Personally, I think a black dress with a gold sash and gold shoes would be hot as hell. Black dresses can be really sexy, and the gold would give them the blingy touch it sounds like you're wanting for your Vegas location. Put some gold accents with your bridal gown to match, and you'd be a sexy group of ladies! Have a great wedding!
Personally I think you should care a lot. Unless you are going to buy them the dress. It is a big expense and they should have some say and maybe be able to find something they like and can wear again. Vegas and black cocktail dress is a great combo. What you should do is make a deal, she tries it on and hates the color you agree to consider other things. Gold shoes and jewelry with a black dress would be a good option. I know I will and have put in a stipulation when asked to be in a few weddings that the dress has to be reasonably priced and/or rewearable or I won't do it. Maybe that's a bad attitude but I know how I'd treat my BM and what I do for friends whose wedding i'm in so the compromise there is reasonable to ask. I'd wear whatever if it was being paid for though.
I agree that cost is a pretty big part of it- if you're paying for it then she needs to suck it up no matter what it looks like or how much she hates it! But if not, and if she is expected to fork over some considerable cash for it, I think you should care at least a little. Maybe you can get her to go try on some gold dresses with you? It's entirely possible that she (like me) may actually look horrible in gold dresses, and that's probably not something you want to look at in wedding photos for the next 50 years. Plus, if she hates it THAT MUCH, her dissatisfaction will show up in the pictures.
That being said, I'm a bridesmaid right now and the dress we have to wear is... not my favorite. It isn't terrible, but it looked MUCH better on the girls who are tall and several months pregnant than it did on my 5 foot tall, size 6 frame. But that's life, and I would never dream of telling her I wouldn't wear it. In the end, it isn't really about me- my wedding is coming up soon enough, and I'll make sure that happy bridesmaids are at the top of my list.
Im gonna go against the grain and say pick the dress you want. I've been a BM many times and sometimes the dresses were fine and sometimes they were just plain ugly. But i wore them because i loved the Bride and if it took wearing an ugly dress for a few hours to help make her day perfect then thats what i did.
It would be different if she didnt like a particular dress and you could compromise on a different style but you shouldnt change your color bc she doesnt like it. There has to be a gold dress out there that is acceptable. She is the MOH so maybe her dress could be a different color but its up to you not her.
Eh goes back and forth. I tried to choose a dress that they could all wear again, but you cant please everyone unless you go with a color and let the girls all choose their dresses. I, particularly, wasn't into that so I chose a dress and told them to buy it. If they didn't like it - they never said.
My MOH/Sister was the only one to comment negatively. She called a few weeks later and said "I was just at JC Penneys and saw the same dress with straps so I think I am going to buy it with my coupon and return yours. Don't worry I will e-mail the girls to let them know of the dress in case they want straps too."
I was like well does it have the same diagonal seaming? What about the ruffle? and she is like no, but it is purple satin. I was like no - wear the one I had you buy. Since I chose dresses that cost them $42.00 at the Limited - it shouldnt have been an issue with money! I told her we can add straps to the dress we already purchased and she still doesnt understand.
@klb2748: Now for a $42 dress there shouldn't be an issue...even if you hate it it's not THAT big of a deal...but when dresses are more expensive than that that's when it gets to be an issue!!
@Ziggletk: It depends who is paying. If you are paying for it yourself, she should definitely wear it. If you're expecting them to pay, I think you should take in to consideration their opinions.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 26 |
| beargoose | 21 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| Ms. Salamander | 18 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| kat2014 | 15 |
| mypinkshoes | 15 |
| s.renea9 | 15 |
| aussiebee | 15 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| LammChop | 11 |
| TwoCityBride | 3 |
| janetsnakehole | 3 |
| Mrs. Chai | 2 |
| ticklemepink | 2 |
| garden_bride | 2 |
| Ms. Salamander | 2 |
| Miss Root | 1 |
| SapphireSun | 1 |
| jimbert321 | 1 |
Here's the dilemma... I know what I want my MOH/sister to wear. She hates the idea. She thinks that I'm trying to make her look ugly.
I swear I'm not!
I'm getting married in vegas and want my MOH to where a gold (which tends to look more tan anyway) colored dress. Gold and Vegas just go hand in hand! I would prefer to keep all of them in knee length dresses. So far it's just my sister who has a problem, but she doesn't even want to try on the gold dresses because she doesn't think it'll match her skin tone.
I could go black and red, but I really love my initial idea.
How much should I really care what she thinks?