(Closed) How much time do you really spend together?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@amoret11: Aww. I’m sorry! I can totally see this being us for a while, especially because we’ll be semi-LDR for the first 2 months of our marriage, and then I’ll be working and studying for the bar exam in the summer. Right now while I’m in school and working it feels even worse. All my time is “claimed” by school/work/sleep.

I think the best thing to do would be to “be cliche” but really, schedule couple time. Talk with him about how you’re feeling a disconnect or lack of time together, and make a date of it on Saturday or Sunday. It doens’t have to be fancy, it can literally be “stay in bed from 8-12 on Saturday watching cartoons and whatnot.” Just block out time for you two, and conciously make an effort to enjoy that time together. Sometimes life gets us busy, but you can get back to what makes your life 🙂

Post # 4
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@indibee:  This!

I think scheduling couple time is fantastic. It gives you something to look forward to, and you take care to budget your time accordingly 😉 of course, I dont know this from experience as a newlywed. However! My SO and I are in a LDR, both of us are extraordinarily busy, and we scheule “date nights” where we talk on the phone, etc.

Hope this works and that things improve! Good luck!

Post # 5
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

we spend a ridiculous amount of time together. as embarrassing as it sounds, we are pretty much attached at the hip and do everything together. if i have an errand to run, he goes with me. if he needs to go to home depot, i go with him. at home, we always cook together and go to bed at the same time.

he gets off work at 2:30 p.m., so we are together from that time until bedtime. on his days off, we are together all day.

Post # 6
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@MissDareDevil:   We’re right there with you – we tend to spend just about all of our time together, but we prefer it that way.   He works very long hours so when he gets home in the evening, we like to spend that time together.   We do the shopping together, cook together, cuddle on the couch watching tv or reading books, and then go to bed at the same time.  On the weekends, we do pretty much everything together, from running errands, to cleaning, to going out and socialising.  Maybe it’s because we were long distance for quite a while at the start of our relationship but we seriously just can’t get enough of each other’s company!  

@amoret11:   I’m sorry things are so busy and you’re struggling to find quality time with your Darling Husband.   Could you maybe try keeping a list during the week of what errands you have to run and try to knock them all off on Saturdays?   Maybe try making Sunday a day for just the two of you – either to relax at home in your PJs or to head out and do something special just the two of you.   Perhaps by setting aside a day for just the two of you will help you to feel a bit more connected and as though you’re actually getting time together.  Good luck!

Post # 7
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

We are pretty homebody-ish, so we spend a lot of time together. We are both home around 5ish, and will usually spend the evening together. Occasionally one of us has something else going on.

Weekends are the same way. I love it, maybe eventually we’ll get sick of each other, but not right now!

Part of our clingyness (lol, mostly me) is probably due to spending a large chunk of the three years pre-marriage long distance. So I really value and appreciate that I have the chance to bum with him all evening!

Post # 8
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think we spend more time together than the average married couple since we work for the same company. We commute to and from work together and normally go out to lunch every day. We don’t see each other much during the day since he’s on one end of the building and I’m on the other but it’s nice that we’re under the same roof. Our nights and weekends are mostly spent together as well. With the exception of Saturday mornings when I go garage saleing with my mom and the occasional lunch date that I have with my friends, we’re pretty much together constantly. I’m still not sick of him after 7 years so we must mesh well. 

Post # 9
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

A lot, except when working (we work in separate places, and he goes in a little earlier and comes home a little earlier). After work, we hang out, cook together, watch the same TV shows, go to bed (if not to sleep) at the same time, hang out with the same friends…

Post # 10
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We work together and live together, so we are with each other 24/7. He gets his breaks from me by going to play golf and I get my breaks from him by doing whatever I want while he plays golf.

Post # 11
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It’s been the same for years- basically every single night we have dinner & watch tv together, and we’re also together most weekends, except if he works in the mornings. Either way, we are lucky to get to spend lots of time together.

Post # 12
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We are right there with you, OP. Mr. LK spends 12-13 hours a day working and commuting. He leaves before I wake up and he doesn’t get home until 6:30pm, at the earliest. We have just enough time to eat a family dinner, split off to do our evening chores, and meet back on the couch for 30 minutes of family time before DS goes to bed. Then we have another 30 minutes of together time before Mr. LK crashes for the night. So, in total, we have about 90 minutes together each weekday. Needless to say, we’re pretty attached at the hip on the weekends because we barely see each other during the week. But we also have DS to take care of, so our alone time is extremely limited. Add in house hunting and trying to maintain our friendships and individual identities, and we feel like we are seriously lacking in together time.  

Post # 13
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@UpstateCait:  This is us too.  We work for the same company and spend a lot of time together.  We don’t commute together, but we do eat lunch together pretty much every day, and we stop by eachother’s cubes a couple times throughout the day.  And then we typically spend the evening and weekends together.

I know it probably sounds like a lot, but we’re really happy this way.  We were friends before starting a relationship, and when I was in the process of buying my house everyone kept telling me he should move in with me.  I thought they were crazy and that it would be way too much of one person to see them all the time at work and then at home.  But he started staying at my place for convenience more and more and after a little while I realized I never wanted him to leave.  And then he confessed his feelings for me and we lived happily ever after 😉 lol.

Post # 14
11342 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@amoret11:  I can totally relate to your post, and I can sympathize with how you’re feeling. I know it’s frustrating, and, at times, it can even be heartbreaking.

I’ve now been married for more than 2.5 years, but my DH and I never really did get to enjoy having a “newlywed” period. Our entire dating relationship and engagement were long distance. Then, because we lived and worked in different states, even after the wedding, I had to split my time between my state and his for almost a year so that I could maintain my job until after my house in my city sold. Because of the nature of his job, Darling Husband usually ends up having to work at least part of all seven days in a week, including much of the weekend.  DH’s two minor children live with us half of the time as well. 

It’s not that I didn’t know about these factors going into the marriage.  However, I was still hoping for a way for us to feel as if we were newlyweds when the kids were not with us.  We’ve been trying to make more of a concerted effort to spend time together now when we can, but there still are not many opportunities. And, when Darling Husband isn’t working, or taking care of something for the kids, he’s often totally exhausted and sleeping. I guess that’s how I managed to end up with 900+ posts on WB in just a little over six months! LOL

Post # 15
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

@MissDareDevil:  Same here.

But it wasn’t always like that. Our first six-ish months I had to work three jobs because Darling Husband got laid off a week after our wedding. I worked Sunday-Saturday, anytime from 7am-10pm, hours varied, but I worked a 35 hr FT job, a 15 hr PT job and an additional weekend 15 hr PT job. It was really hard, and I was taking one class per semester. My husband at the time was finishing his masters, and when he was able to work, it was nights. so during the week I was off between 5-6pm and he wouldn’t be home until 11am. But since I got up at 5am for work, I would be in bed. It was really hard. And if I ever had a Saturday off, we literally would spend the entire day in bed cuddling and watching TV together. They were awesome days and I never regretted being “unproductive”.

Now our schedules are more balanced out since he has a professional career, I finished school and will now be a Stay-At-Home Mom. But the first year was extremely hard. 

Now we are attached at the hip like MissDareDevil said. We do everything together, cleaning, shopping, projects, events, etc. We are huge on just being together – I get really lonely if we don’t prioritize that time.

I agree with PPs, make/schedule date nights/mornings/whatever works. Even if it’s just a few hours, make it work. Don’t become strangers. Darling Husband and I fought more if we didn’t spend enough time together. You just have to learn what works for you to make each other priorities in your life. Yes, you both have responsibilities like work/school, but your relationship is long-lasting, work and school won’t always be there. 

Post # 16
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Husband and I don’t get nearly enough time together. We usually only have the evenings together due to our different work schedules. He works the graveyard shift which is normally 12-8 AM with Tuesdays and Wednesdays off which makes things horribly difficult for us and I work 8:30 AM – 5 PM with the weekends off. It’s so frustrating especially cuz he rarely gets enough sleep and is usually tired, but when we are lucky enough to have time together we try to make sure that it’s quality. My Husband and I don’t have nearly enough sex which doesn’t really make it seem like we’re newlyweds.

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