- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
DH and I were married 4 months ago (peak season, NY, on a Saturday), and his brother is getting married in December (also a Saturday, in Florida, “off-peak” season). They live in FL and travelled to Long Island for our wedding. However, aside from flights, they didn’t have the extra expense of hotel rooms since they stayed with their respective families. He was the best man, and she was a bridesmaid.
For their wedding, we are travelling to them in the state where they now reside. So the expenses include flights and 2 nights in a pricy hotel room ($350+/night). DH is the best man, and I am a bridesmaid. Additionally, we are doing all their wedding events: engagement party, shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party, whereas, she didn’t come to my bachelorette (totally understandable), and we didn’t have an engagement party.
Obviously, with our increased expenses to attend their wedding, it stands to reason that our gift wouldn’t be quite as generous.
However, here’s where it gets tricky. We never received their gift. Allegedly, they put $500 cash in a card and then lost it in the limo, we believe. She mentioned giving us another gift, but I couldn’t expect them to be out money again and told her there was no need.
The wedding envelope website suggested $275 as a gift. (To put it in perspective, if my DH and I lived where they did and attended our wedding, the wedding envelope recommended $315 as the amount).
I’ve asked around and have gotten various responses, including: “match what they said they gave you,” “whatever you feel comfortable with,” “put $500 on a park bench and call it even,” “nothing, because that’s what they gave you.”
We currently have much higher earning potential, but we are each in our first year in our professions . Chances are that we presently have a higher income and more job stability, but they recently bought a condo, while we are still a ways out from being able to purchase a home and are saving aggressively.
What do you ladies think? Putting all feelings about “how can you lose that much cash/why wouldn’t you leave it at his parents’ house to get later,” what is appropriate to give in this situation?