Post # 1
My hubby and I eloped last month and are throwing a casual celebration party out of 1) low funds 2) respect for our guests who also have low funds. Our guests are thrilled about this! Anyway my husband is going to be a groomsman for his friend who knows our financial situation, but he is asking his groomsmen to pay for their own EVERYTHING, including the rental of the very expensive tuxedos he picked out (Actually I suspect his bride-to-be picked them out). My husband has had to take days off work to be part of this wedding. I don’t know the bride all that well but I still had to attend and give gifts for her shower and bachelorette party. It has already taken a toll on us financially to be guests at someone else’s event and that’s not even including the hotel room and wedding gift, which is probably expected to be a hefty amount because he is a groomsman, not just another guest. Anyway we can’t afford a honeymoon of our own, so how can we give so much to his friend? I don’t want to be a cheapskate, but what is the minimal acceptable gift?
Post # 3
ANY gift is acceptable, because it’s a gift, even if it’s just a card of congratulations.
EDIT: I am apparently not well-versed about bridal party “obligations”.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Aquaria: I think $50 but lots of people in the party don’t give gifts.
As for the rest of your post that’s what you (your SO) sign on for when you agree to be a groomsman! You definitely didn’t have to attend the shower and bachelorette party if you don’t know her.
Post # 5
I’d have declined to be in the bridal party, to be honest. I’ve declined wedding invitations altogether before because DH would’ve had to buy a new suit (formal dress code) and we couldn’t afford any gift at all.
Post # 6
Any gift is acceptable. Your husband should decline being a gm. Its very expensive to be in a wedding, if you can’t afford it I’m sure the friend will understand.
Post # 7
Gifts for a bachelorette? I’ve never heard of that.
Anyway, you certainly don’t have to give a gift – give a card. Maybe this makes me a jerk, but I’ve never given a gift when I’m in the bridal party – I figure I’ve spent enough money by that point.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I think if you’ve given gifts for her shower and bachelorette, a sincere card wishing them the best will be more than enough. The groom knows your situation and should be happy just to have your husband standing next to him.
Honestly, I didn’t even realize the bridal party was supposed to give gifts. They pay so much already, and they are important in your life so you ask them to participate in your wedding. How is that not a gift enough? My maid of honor and my husband’s best man gave us gifts, but it was totally unnecessary, and they were the only ones in our bridal party to do so– but they had the means and really wanted to (both had just gotten new jobs and were excited to have money to spend hahaha).
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I would also rec your husband decline being a GM. It’s one thing to spend $100 to rent a suit and show up, it’s another to be expected to spend hundreds of dollars to attend mutiple events related to the wedding, especially if it’s a destination wedding. As for a gift, I would send a heartfelt card wishing the couple congratulations and leave it at that if your husband decides to stay in the bridal party. If he bows out and attends as a guest then there is nothing wrong with a $50 gift if that is all you can afford.
Post # 10
Not all brides will think this way, but I think just having you there to celebrate is enough. We registered for gifts but really don’t expect anything. Gifts are only a bonus to us.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Honestly, I agree with PPs. Your husband shouldn’t have accepted the invitation to be part of the bridal party if it was too much of a financial burden. And, if you don’t know the bride that well, I wouldn’t have gone to the bridal shower or bachelorette parties.
Any gift you give to them should be accepted with grace and appreciation. I think it is fine to give them a card for their wedding, especially since you already gave them gifts. (I also always thought that the bridal shower gift is essentially the wedding gift, but that may be just me, idk).
I never really understood why people obligate themselves to do things they can’t afford; this is not a direct response to the OP, just my observation and I’ll use my own wedding as an example. FI has 4 GMs (1 BM and 3 GMs). He is paying for half of their tux rentals in lieu of a gift for them (since he did chose rentals that are a little pricier than a traditional rental and he can’t think of good gifts for his guys). Anyway, a few of them expressed the cost of travel and hotel for the wedding and getting days off. I keep telling FI, if they can’t stand up for him we would understand (we are certainly not demanding their presence there) and he does express that to his guys but they insist on coming.
I think after all is said and done, you give what you can and are comfortable with and the bride and groom should be gracious, no matter what the gift is.
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@MRSsrm85: +1 We don’t expect any gifts from our bridal party.
Post # 13
I think a small gift would be nice but not necessary. You can find a nice picture frame or bottle of champagne for around $20. Maybe a cute picnic basket or something small they could use on their honeymoon? But honestly, a card is probably sufficient.
I spent a lot of money on my brother’s wedding, and wound up spending $60 on their gift. I usually spend in the $200-$300 range for family wedding gifts, but I had to get something much less expensive as I was broke from the dress, the shower, the weekend bachelorette and so on.
I’m not expecting gifts from my bridal party and understand that their presence is my gift – in the dresses they bought and altered, their work and money that went into throwing my bridal shower and so on. Most rational people will understand that. I do hope they get us a card! But that’s the limit of my expectations from them.
Post # 14
I am of the belief that if it’s a destination wedding, your present is me showing up. If you want lots of gifts, marry in the local church/VFW and register at Target.
Requesting gifts for a bachelorette is asinine. The entire point is to celebrate the last day of being single/to drink/to have a girls’ night. None of that should require me making a trip to Victoria’s Secret, though I will be happy to pay for the bride’s drinks, food and cover charge for the evening.
Post # 15
Even if I’m getting married locally, I assume OOT guests will get a card or just something small… or all go in together on something.
If your husband’s friend knows his situation, he shouldn’t be offended if you don’t get them big gifts. He knows his wedding is already a burden on you. Don’t worry too much about it.
Post # 16
I would have declined as well. I’m sure they would understand, considering they are aware of your financial situation. They should appreciate the fact that you are low on funds and either offer to pay for some of the costs, or accept that you just can’t go.