Post # 1
I need some help figuring out what is appropriate in this situation… I posted another thread about all the expenses we are incurring to attend a friends wedding in NYC. We will be spending over $1000 for flights and hotels alone. My FI will need to pay $200 to rent a tux (he’s a groomsman). Are we expected to give a gift? If yes, how much do we need to spend?
The couple will be attending our wedding one month prior to theirs. Do we need to match what they spend on us? They are quite well off, so I’m a little worried they will get us a pricey gift and we will need to reciprocate..
Post # 3
A $50 gift and a nice card would probably be fine.
Post # 4
I would give $100 and a card.
Post # 5
@cestvrai: are they incurring significant travel expenses to come to your wedding?
I would give $100. We typically gift $1-150. When our siblings get married I am sure we will gift alot more. But for right now that’s what we do.
Post # 6
@cestvrai: I had a few cousins spend about the same to come to our wedding and they didn’t give us a gift and I completely understand. They spent a ton of money to celebrate with us….do they really need to give us a gift to prove to us that they care and wish us well? HELL NO.
You do NOT have to get them a gift – just give a nice card. Anyone worth a damn will understand and not need a cash gift from you.
Post # 7
@cestvrai: I would spend normally what you would give. Whenever I’m in the bridal party, though, I do tend to give more
Post # 8
Just give what you can afford and think is reasonable. Sometimes gifts aren’t even expected from bridal party members…I didn’t expect mine to get me gifts in addition to being in my wedding. I don’t see anything wrong with just giving them a nice card, but it depends on what’s normal for your circle I guess.
Post # 9
@cestvrai: I would give no gift or a small but thoughtful gift, like a cookbook by a chef they like.
ETA: I would always give a nice card.
Post # 10
When I go to someone’s wedding, the amount I spend on a gift has NOTHING to do with how much the couple spent on their wedding or how much money they make. I base my gifts off of what I can afford and how well I know the couple.
If I were in your shoes, I would probably give them a card and $50 (or a $50 gift card).
Just give what you are comfortable with and please don’t worry about what anyone (the couple included) thinks. If this couple is friends with you, they won’t care whether you give them $5 or $500.
Post # 11
@cestvrai: When you agree to be in a wedding, you agree to go and know there are expenses. You knew them going in. You should give a normal gift.
We had a pretty reasonable wedding (when we got engaged, none of our bridal party would have had to spend the night or drive for the wedding. 2/3 moved away during planning) and only got gifts from half of our bridal party. It hurt. We knew they spend money to be in the wedding, but where was the card and gift? Gifts are not supposed to be expected and it honestly did not matter what they gave us, but it is hard to write out all of these thank you notes and not send them to your bridal party (we had already written thank you for being in the wedding notes to give at the rehearsal). It isn’t that we wanted a thing, but it was more of a “this is so strange”. We would never expect that they wouldn’t give us a gift– it would be like showing up to your childhood best friend’s 10th birthday party without a gift. It is strange socially. If you can’t afford a normal gift, then a smaller gift will work. Even a card.
Post # 12
I had this exact same thing happen during my wedding. I was in my friends wedding party in September and had to fly across the country, then she was in my wedding party in October and flew to me. We decided that early on we werent going to get each other gifts. We just phrased it something like this. “So dont bother getting us anything because we are just going to give you back whatever you got us.” And both agreed it was silly to just get each other a gift to pass it back. I know her wedding is first but I’d have no problem suggesting it. It all adds up. Since your groom is in the wedding party is it safe to say he is closer? Tell him to run it past his friend. I’m sure that they wont care at all.
Post # 13
I would give a gift, probably around $100.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago
Get them something off their registry around the $50 range. That way they will remember you got them a gift and not think wow they were cheap and only gave us $50 cash. They understand that you are traveling to be at their wedding and probably understand that you don’t have the money to afford to travel, you being there is part of their gift!