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I tend to spend around the same amount. They're saving on not having to feed me, sure, but I'm also probably saving in travel and accommodation costs. But it does depend a lot on the registry and what they're registered for.
I'm kinda with you on this one. I think I probably do spend less if I don't go. Although, the only weddings I don't make it to are people I'm not as close to. For family and good friends, I find a way to get there.
I can see where you are coming from, but I usually spend the same amount whether I go to the wedding or was invited and can't make it.
Spend whatever you can afford without going broke. Everyone has different financial situations and personal guidelines as to what to spend so there is no universal rule across the board. What you might normally spend, someone else may see as either being stingy or extravagant but it's not their money to play with. Only you can decide how much to spend.
If I'm not able to attend a wedding, I just buy a card and mail it. The idea that your gift should cover your plate really does not make any sense, and unless you are paying the bill yourself, there is no way that anyone other than the bride and groom will even be made aware of that cost.
I tend to not send the same amount. If FI and I attend, we spend in the $150 - $200 range. If we don't attend, we go more with a $50 - $100 gift, depending on the relationship. If it is one of 42 cousins (yes), closer to $50, but if it a friend of us both, more like $100.
I def. spend less if I don't go to a wedding. Usually I give between $300-500 as a present if I attend. If I'm not able to attend the wedding I usually buy one of the higher priced items on their registry or a formal table gift like Waterford candlesticks or something.
I spend less if I don't attend because, generally speaking, if I'm not going to the wedding I'm not super close with the person anyway.
The only thing I would add, is if you don't go the wedding people may not realize that's why you gave less. So if you usually give $200 and only give $100 because you didn't attend, you will probably only get a $100 from the couple if they are invited to your weddding, even if they do attend.
I can't speak from experience, but etiquette nixes the idea that a wedding gift is a person's way of paying for their meal. A gift should be given freely as a symbol of goodwill and blessing for the new marriage and the couple's life together, regardless of what you're getting "in return." I know my parents always picked something really nice off of a couple's registry to send them regardless of whether they attended the wedding, and I hope if there's ever a wedding I'm not able to attend that I'll have the class to do the same.
If I don't attend the wedding, it usually means I'm not close to the couple, and that's largely how I determine how much I spend (combined with what we can actually afford). When I don't attend a wedding, I usually spend less on the gift, but that's because I don't usually spend as much on a couple I'm not super close with as opposed to a best friend or family member. I hate admitting it, but it's true.
Generally speaking, though, I always try to be as generous as possible, but a girl has limits!
Maybe I'm weird, but I tend to want to spend more on the gift if I can't attend.
maybe this isnt kosher - but if i dont attend, i usually just send a card. 99% of the time if its someone that is a close relative or friend theni will make it come hell or highwater. so if i dont come then i dont bother with a full out gift. the only time i have bought a gift when i didnt attend is when i had something at work i coudlnt get out of but really would have gone otherwise, then i spent what i normally woul dhave spent $150.
I spend the same as if I would have gone to the wedding or not gone to the wedding. However, it does work out to less, if I don't go, because I am not purchasing a new outfit, etc.
I usually spend the same or more if I cannot attend (but around 50-75 bucks and things off the registry)... I tell y'all what, after reading some of the responses I'm tempted to send y'all invites :D.. j/k :D
Whoa, Littlestbirds. I get where you're coming from, but implying that your opinion is the only one that has "class" might be a bit much.
Depends who it is.
If it's someone that is probably going to give us a gift and that has a history of gift giving or appreciation then I give what I can (usually in the $100 range).
When it's FI's certain side of the family, I give a check for $25. I never change what I buy or send based on whether I can or can't attend. I agree with Roxy - I don't think they notice that it is higher or lower based on whether you do or don't attend. But heck what do I know?
Depends. If it's a wedding I really really wish I could have gone but couldn't make it I'll spend more to express that the couple really does mean a lot to me even though I missed the wedding. If I'm not attending because I'm not close to them than less than I would usually give, just a symbolic, thanks for the invite kind of gift.
Umm I wouldn't buy them anything! Sorry, but I've gotten wedding invitations from people I barely have known and I wouldn't buy them a present if I couldn't make their wedding. If it was a close friend or family member then I would probably spend around $50 on them if I wasn't going to their wedding.
We had a ton of people that didn't make it to our wedding. We didn't even receive cards from many of them. Those that did send us something - it was usually a card and $10. I guess people in MN are super cheap!
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I usually spend less on a gift for a couple when I can't attend the wedding (unless it's a really close friend/family member). I reason that since they aren't paying for my food/drink, this makes sense. But does it? Do you ladies spend the same amount whether or not you are able to attend the wedding?