- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
Let me start with a little background… I have a friend who I was very close with for many years. She was at a fairly unhappy stage of her life during the last couple of years of our friendship. However, despite a few personality conflicts, I tried to remain supportive and we managed to stay friends throughout. About a year ago, she asked me to help her with a very daunting project for her business, since it was something I am experienced with. Because it was a tedious “side project” that I was doing at no charge, I happily agreed and knew I’d have to do it during the few hours that I was not occupied with my own career. It took a few weeks, but saved her thousands of dollars. During that time, she would constantly badger me about “when it would be finalized” etc.
A few weeks in, my phone broke and I couldn’t reply to her as I waited for a replacement. Within the same day of getting my replacement, I received several really nasty text messages and voicemails (during working hours) about how I was ignoring her and attacking my character. I immediately let her know that was not the case, that I was finished with her work and that I would send her all of the final details that evening. It was not a pressing issue, as the deadline was still weeks out. She was ultimately very happy with the results, but maintained her abrasive attitude. She never apologized or even said thank you. It was at that point that I put my foot down and asked her to not contact me. She sent negative text message to me for a short time after, until I ignored her and all contact ceased.
Fast forward one year to a couple of months ago… I found out she fell in love and was engaged. They were soon married at the courthouse, as she needed his health insurance for a medical issue. I don’t tend to hold grudges, reached out to her and simply congratulated her and let her know that “I was happy that she is happy”. She unexpectedly called me and let me know she missed our friendship. That was not the response that I was expecting, but I really appreciated it. We have slowly rekindled our friendship (at a very cautious pace on my end). Turns out she is having a very intimate and small ceremony/restaurant reception soon. She sent FI an invitation, which we accepted. They do not seem to be registered anywhere and are not asking for gifts, but implied on their invitation that a contribution for their dream honeymoon would be most appreciated. The DH’s Uncle will be paying for the airfare and lodging to Europe, from what I’ve been told.
My question is, given ALL of these circumstances, what would the appropriate “contribution” be? Normally, FI and I give at least $200 per couple. However, I don’t know if that would be a bit “too” generous in this case or not? Given the past history, the future uncertainty (though I’m hopeful) AND especially with us planning and paying for our own wedding that take’s place in a few months.
Any advice from etiquette bees would be greatly appreciated!