- Miss Mochaccino
- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I’m in a situation where I have a MIL with very strong opinions on birth! She firmly believes every baby should be born by c-section and think’s it’s irresponsible not to have a c-section. I personally prefer natural birth and would only get a c-section if medically necessary for my or the baby’s safety. After growing up with his very vocal and opinionated mother, DH was at first inclined towards c-section but agreed to actually educate himself on the topic and now supports me. MIL will probably never be willing to educate herself on the topic – her opinion has been fixed for years.
Now… I’m struggling with how much to involve MIL in baby appointments and prep. She and FIL were crazy excited when we told them about the pregnancy. They are already buying us stuff for the “grandbaby”. The other day, MIL said “If you want me to come to your scans or any of your appointments, I’ll be there in a heartbeat, just let me know” — it was pretty clear that she was requesting to come, not just offering to support.
The thing is, because of her strong opinions on birth, having her there would probably stress me out. I’m afraid that the more we involve her in stuff, the more say she’ll think she’s entitled to. DH has had a talk with her to just back off on the opinions re c-sections, and she’s been better thus far, but I can’t guarantee it will last.
On the other hand, I feel selfish. It is their grandchild, yes, so perhaps I should include MIL in one of the scans since I know DH probably won’t be able to make all of them? (My own mother lives in another country and so can’t come…)
When it comes to birth, there is really no way I would want them to come… I just see it as a private moment for DH and me. When his family is there, they tend to make things “about them” and tries to make it an event full of inside jokes for their family. Before DH and I were ever pregnant, MIL made a joke to SIL (in front of me) about how maybe I would want a natural birth and then she made crazy breathing noises and she and SIL laughed. That’s the last think I would want around me during labor. Even recently when I told MIL I was suffering from nausea and vomiting, she chuckled long and loud as though she found that entertaining. Normally I can put up with her jokes, but not in the middle of labor.
I do suspect that DH, however, might want them to come and be in the waiting room… and then come in after the birth. I think my preference would be for them to wait until we were home for a few days before coming to meet the baby, but I don’t want to be selfish.
Looking back, MIL has definitely not made an effort to include me in numerous family things, and I’ve been hurt by her exclusion a number of times, and I’m tempted to let feelings of resentment bubble up and influence this decision, thinking why should I includ her when she’s ignored my requests to be included in a number of things? I know that is wrong and me using this to retaliate would not be productive, so I’m really trying to over come that and forgive her. I’ve been working on my relationship with her, have had some good communication (and some arguements which we resolved) and have seen some improvements. But still, it’s not the easiest of relationships and, well, there you go!
So how much did each of you include your inlaws (and parents) in baby prep and the birth? How did you come to those decisions? What suggestions would you make for me?