How much will you include inlaws in the birth, scans, prenatal visits?

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Miss Mochaccino:  Um, no way in hell would i let my MIL and DH decide no how to birth my child. are they for real that they think C-section is better? WTF??? 

I would not include my Inlaws ( and they are far less crazy than yours) in any prenatal appointments, scans ect. I also am not having anyone besides my DH in the delivery room. Maybe my mom, but thats TBD when im actually pregnant. 

Your inlaws sound batshit insane, unsupportive of you and YOUR choices. I would not have them anywhere near me in labor. If I were you I wouldn’t even tell them when I’m in labor, I would just wait til after the baby is born. She sounds like a crazy bitch and for your own sanity leave her out of it.

 

Post # 3
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My ILs will be included in the birth/prep for my child about 2 to 6 hours after the child is born.  My parents might get called sooner, as they live further away and will need more time to travel.  They definatly will not be in the delivery room with me, and the only reason they would know when pre-birth appointments are is if I need someone to drive me because I’m somehow incapacitated and DH is unable to drive me. 

There is no reason for grandparents to be so involved that the go to pre-baby appointments with you.  It sounds like so much more stress, and I wouldn’t want to have my very supportive, non-invasive MIL to see me in that situation. 

Post # 4
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Miss Mochaccino:  I will not be including my parents or DHs parents in doctors appointments – those are for us only (granted it helps that they don’t live that close, but even if they did, that’s a hard line for me)

In the delivery room, that’s me and DH only.  No discussion or debate.  (My sister let my mom in and totally regrets it – you’d have to know my mom to fully understand my feelings on this).

Waiting room – that’s fine by me.

I wouldn’t inlcude her in your birth plan conversation and I would keep that at an arms length.  If she is really closed minded on the subject it’s just going to cause you stress.

Post # 5
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m pregnant now. I can assure you neither my parents nor my in-laws are going to any of my appointments, scans or the birth.  It is none of their business.  It’s not their child being born, it’s their grandchild.  How you choose to give birth is a decision that you make and to some extent your husband.  You are adults presumably and can function on your own. 

I would be very careful in making sure you stand your ground on this otherwise your MIL is going to be way too overbearing and active in every part of your upbringing of that child. 

Post # 7
Member
4876 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Miss Mochaccino:  I personally think it’s very strange to have your parents at your doctor appointments and scans. Call me strange, but I just think that it’s weird to have them there. Don’t get me wrong, if that’s your thing, go for it. But I won’t be doing it. I don’t know anyone who has invited their parents or ILs to their doctor appts. Not PG yet, but I don’t even want our parents/families in the room with us during delivery. If they feel so compelled to sit in the waiting room for hours on end that’s their choice but it’s not like they’ll be allowed in the room. I don’t care what they do outside of the room.

Post # 8
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

My in-laws and my parents will both be happily shown ultrasound pictures after the appointments, but I would not want them at any of my doctors appointments.  I think it might be nice to have them waiting in the delivery room though and ready to come in once baby, myself and DH have had some alone time to bond.  

Post # 9
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Miss Mochaccino:  I just don’t understand why she is so adamant on c-sections? That so so weird lol. 

Post # 10
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I text my MIL and my parents with pictures of the scans but that’s about it. I definitely wouldn’t invite any of them to my prenatal appointments! Do you go to your MIL’s Pap smears? I mean, I get that it’s cute to see the baby and all, but these are medical appointments, not just peeking into your uterus for funsies! 

I would try to be okay with having MIL visit you and the baby while you’re still in the hospital. I feel like that’s kind of a big deal, and unless you think she won’t be able to behave herself at all and it will really upset you, I’d try to let her. But maybe set some limits like, all visits are limited to one hour. As long as you have the same rules for her and your family members, she can’t really complain. 

Post # 11
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Miss Mochaccino:  Personally I don’t intend on including them at all, in that way. My parents won’t even be included. I’m not pregnant yet, but I assume I’ll be going to most appointments solo, or with my husband. That being said, my MIL lives super close and if she asked to go I would probably take her to one or two.

I don’t think you should exclude her just because she did so in the past. Maybe she unknowningly did it? A baby is not a good way to ‘get back’ at them. If you decide to let her go to an appointment take it as a trial run, if she stresses you out you can tell her she stressed you out and you don’t want her to come to the other appointments for the babys health.

Post # 12
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You have absolutely NOOOOO responsibility or obligation to include your family in ANY of your appointments.  All doctor’s appointments, scans, and the birth itself will only be attended by myself and my husband.  In my view, it would be inappropriate for my mother or MIL to attend other doctor’s appointments with me, so why is this any different?

As far as our level of involving parents, we’re sending ultrasound photos to our parents, and they will likely all be in the waiting room at the hospital (I’m starting to get overwhelmed with the number of people who say they will be there, but that’s a whole different post).  Our decision-making regarding our children is ours alone – and this starts with the pregnancy and birth.  People can give their opinions on types of birth, activities during pregnancy, whatever, but we’re taking everything with a grain of salt and making all decisions ourselves.  It’s time to develop a “let it all roll off your shoulders” mentality when it comes to other people’s opinions – everyone has them and is happy to share, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.

If you don’t want anyone at the hospital, don’t invite them!  It’s your choice.  You need to start advocating for yourself and your child now, and if that means creating a less-stressful birth environment by not having these people present, that’s totally fine.  Do what you need to do, and don’t worry about offending your MIL.  Some people just like to get offended by anyone doing anything they don’t agree with – you can’t control her reaction, you just need to do what’s best for your family (you, your DH, and your baby).

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Miss Mochaccino:  It is your body, I do not see any need for your MIL to go to any of your DR appointments, esepcially if you think it will casue you stress. I actually find that kind of weird. My DH went with me to a total of three appointments, one to meet my DR and the two ultrasound appointments. We brought ultrasound pictures home to share with the family. My mom did come to one ultrasound with me, but that was a last minute unplanned one where my DH couldn’t go and my mom works as a nurse next door to my DR so she just swung over for the 10 minute appt and got to see the baby. She was excited since everything has changed so much since she had an ultrasound and she never gets to see any since she works on a surgical floor. But it’s my mom and she would neber give her unsoliciated opinion about my birth plan or how to raise my kid, she’s pretty awesome like that though.

Post # 15
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

Miss Mochaccino:  Is your MIL a nurse or something? The fact that she wants to come to your scans etc. leads me to believe that she might be thinking that she’s “helping” you so I was just curious.

My family (who live in the area) were in the waiting room, and my SIL who is a L&D nurse was with us (thank god she was as she was a HUGE help!) but my IL’s live almost 3 hours away so they didn’t come until the next day. We showed them ultrasound pics and kept them updated via phone or email (as we did mostly with my family). They would normally ask if they could buy/make something for our daughter and they love to come up and babysit but they’ve been really good about sort of waiting for us to let them know whats ok and what we need from them as grandparents. They were also willing to help when I was recovering from my csection when my DH or family couldn’t (driving me to appts etc.)

You are right, its their grandchild but its YOUR birth experience. If you don’t want them there stand firm and make sure your husband is on the same page as you and make him stand firm too. And if they don’t follow those wishes, thanks to pregnancy hormones, you are not responsible should you snap at her if she chooses to come anyway 🙂

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