How much would you be willing to spend on a single item for your boyfriend?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Aquaria:  I agree, but then I’m not a hypocrite; I wouldn’t have wanted him to spend any more than we agreed on, and when I’m earning more, I certainly plan on treating him to some nice gifts.

I think the whole 3 months salary thing is nonsense, and I don’t like the idea of something being expected, if that makes sense. If someone can afford to spend $10,000 on a ring and WANTS to, cool; but I don’t like the idea that they should, or that they have to, or that they’re cheaping out if they don’t, particularly if as you say their partner wouldn’t be prepared to spend the same.

Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aquaria:  that’s an interesting question, because the ring can also be a point of pride for the guy. I would probably spend a couple thousand if I could, but I would have been happy with a much less expensive ring.

Post # 5
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

The most I’ve spent one one item for BF so far is probably the super awesome figure I got for him for our last anniversary, that was about £120 ^^ if I could afford to just up and buy him something more expensive (like a ps vita or the xbox1 – though I would use that as well haha) then I would.

But the ring I’ve set my heart on is £150,  so I don’t think that’s too unbalanced :3 no ring would be fine too. 

 

What would annoy me is if he insisted that I have to be given a ring and that it has to cost stupid amount, which perhaps he’ll be saving for but then turn around and buy himself something else – I’ve seen threads along those lines. The scenario can go either way. 

Post # 6
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Aquaria:  That’s a REALLY good point, what a great thread idea! 

I think for me it’s more of a question of how much either one of us can afford to spend. Right now, my SO is in a much better financial position than myself and I think spending up to 1000 euros for an engagement ring for me would be within reason but I would neither want nor expect him to spend any more – actually, I’d feel guilty if he did. Right now, I can’t afford to spend nearly as much but if I were in a similar financial position, I would spend a similar amount on a once-in-a-lifetime gift for him. If things go according to plan, I will be making exactly the same amount of money he’s making now very soon (within the next 6 months, hopefully) and I plan on buying him something of similar value to my engagement ring for a wedding present. I really like the idea of a great watch for him. 

I wouldn’t, however, spend that much on a Christmas or birthday present for him and would probably check his temperature and send him to the doctor if he wanted to spend that much on a “regular” present for me 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

Well our finances are essentially fully combined, so the question of how much could be afforded is the same, although he earns about 20% more than me, so I’d feel guilty about it if it was a large proportion of our savings.

I would spend thousands on him but he would feel super uncomfortable about it. For Christmas I spent about $300 on him for Christmas and he spent more like $200 on me. I couldn’t care less, even if the money wasn’t coming from the same pot, but with a birthday next week, he’s already told me multiple times that he feels so guilty about the small Christmas spend discrepancy, I shouldn’t get him anything for his birthday. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable so he’ll get a book and a dinner out and that’s it.

short answer: less than what an engagement ring would cost, but only based on his comfort with the situation rather than mine!

Post # 8
Member
5432 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

This is such a good post- I never thought about it like that! My ring cost $1500 (Moissanite and diamonds) and I think I would probably spend about the same. We were both students at the time and he saved for my ring since we met when we were 17 (it took three years, not three months, to buy my ring aha). I’m still a student and make minimum wage when I’m not in school, so it would take me a long time to save as well.

Post # 10
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

The biggest financial gift I ever gave DH was to pay off his credit cards, and that was a lot of money… much more than my ring. However, I had come into some money, and we were married, so why not? If we weren’t married, I would have paid off less of it, I think.

Physical gift wise, the most I ever spent was on a pedigree kitten as a gift for my existing cat (long story). Yes… I spent a fortune on a gift for an animal…

Jewellery wise, DH spent less than 1 month’s salary on my ring, but it would have been pointless for him to spend more. Big rings just aren’t practical for everyday wear IMO, and mine is high quality as it is.

Post # 11
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aquaria:  well it’s not just a gift. It’s a symbol of your marriage that the wife wears every day for the rest of her life. Worth an investment. 

No, I’ve never spent the equivalent of my engagement ring on my FH and at over $20K I doubt I ever will. When men and women earn equal pay, men carry babies, and wear high heels I’ll worry about it. 

ETA: aren’t you the poster whose husband won’t ‘let’ you quit your 2nd job? I think you might need to learn to be spoiled sometimes. everything isn’t equal, nor should it be. 

Post # 12
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@Polygon:  

that’s an interesting question, because the ring can also be a point of pride for the guy. 

@MsMeow:  

I think for me it’s more of a question of how much either one of us can afford to spend.

@blushpinkbride:  

When men and women earn equal pay, men carry babies, and wear high heels I’ll worry about it. 

+1 to all of this.

@Aquaria:  

Generally speaking in our society, men earn more money than women. I think in a situation where the man earns more than the woman, or he has more wealth/assets, it’s entirely appropriate for him to spend considerably more when it comes to wedding jewelry. From my experience, most men also don’t look at this from the “eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” angle; they consider it a point of pride to provide nice rings for their ladies and don’t expect to be compensated equally, for the lack of a better way of putting it. 

However, I’ve always been very generous when it comes to gift-giving in general. When we got married I gave DH a simple, inexpensive gold band because that’s what he wanted. If he had wanted a fancy designer band I would have gotten it.

He didn’t ask me for anything more than that, but I kept asking and he finally said he would like a pocket watch. I had a family heirloom that was badly in need of repair and DH said he would rather have that one than a new one. So I spent $500 having my grandfather’s 1940s solid gold railroad pocket watch refurbished and restored.

A new, solid gold watch would have cost God knows how many thousands. But if DH had wanted a new one, I would have spent that money without blinking an eye because I love him and he deserves the best. 

 

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

@Aquaria:  nope, I’m ‘waiting’ but happily so and would wait forever if that had to be the case. We do own out house together though, so that’s why finances are combined. Believe me, I’d like a little legal acknowledgement, but the long term commitment is 100% there.

Post # 14
Member
518 posts
Busy bee

@Aquaria: 

I think it depends on where the couple is in life and their individual finances. I bought my boyfriend a $10k Rolex last year for Christmas, which was the biggest “individual” gift I ever bought him, actually the biggest gift I ever bought anyone. Like a ring, he wears it every single day and he will have it always. I know many women who buy their fiancé’s or husbands a high end watch for either their wedding gift or for a milestone birthday, but it’s more common for the woman to not work or just make less than the man does so I agree with the other posters on that. I am not engaged yet, we live together. I don’t ‘expect’ any kind of ring, but as another poster said my boyfriend definitely feels the ring will be a reflection on him, and he has a high standard he wants for the ring he gives me.

Post # 15
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i will say I’ve probably spent more than $12k on FI at one time. NBD; he needed it, and I had the cash available. I guess to compare, my ering was ~$10k, so I guess that’s close enough…

Post # 16
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I think it really depends! At the moment I make next to nothing, but my future career will be high-paying. Right now I spent $450 on a Christmas present for him, which is about a month’s pay (I’m in my last year of school and only work part-time at a retail job).

When I’m making $250k, I’m not sure I’d go ahead and blow $20,000 on him at Christmas… But I think if he REALLY wanted something and I knew it would make him incredibly happy, then I would probably be willing to spend $10k for a big milestone, like 5th anniversary or something!

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