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I got an email last night from my uncle with sort of an odd request. He said that of course he in no way wanted to take the attention away from me and my FI on our big day, but he was wondering if he could somehow separately arrange with our photographer to take some formal pictures of just his family (him, his wife, and their two daughters) during our wedding day. He told me they haven't had any professional photos taken as a family in years and he was hoping I could help him arrange it using our wedding photographer on our wedding day.
I was thinking I could say that I could mention it to our second shooter after we finish our formal photos, but only if time permits (that I can't guarantee it). Obviously he wouldn't have to pay for it as he offered, as all our photos are included as digital files.
I'd love some feedback from other bees on how to respond.. How far would you go to accomodate this kind of request?
I think this is an odd request, but if you have a second shooter that can do it AFTER you and FI get all the pictures that you need and want then let him I guess. But make it clear that if there is no time there is no time and you will not go without pictures that you want on your wedding day so he can take pictures. I think if they want pro pics done then they should go get them done, but not invade on your wedding day and your photographer that already has enough on their plate!
Wow! I think that's kind of ballsy to ask you. If he wants it that bad why don't they hire someone to do it???
That being said if I was asked I would probably reply with something similar like you did. And only with the second shooter! Are you taking family portraits? If you are maybe at that point when you're taking pictures with his family you and husband can step out of frame for 5 seconds.
But then I fear that if you tell him that he would automatically assume it WILL happen. When in reality the shooters -both of them- will be very busy the entire day!
I get that your uncle offered to pay for it, but I can't help think it's kinda ballsy to want to take advantage of your wedding photographer. I guess it is completely up to you and how you feel about it. If you don't mind putting his family on the "must take" list then go for it.
My niece's wedding photographer offered this at her reception. He had a backdrop put up at the reception and then anyone who wanted their pics taken could do so and then order them from her wedding pics. I'm persoanally not a fan of that as we brides tend to want our photographer to concentrate on getting the wedding, not people's family shots,etc.
As I said, if youre comfortable with it, go for it. I personally would be a bit taken a back by it all. You're right in saying you wouldn't be able to guarantee it
Not knowing anything about your uncle or your relationship with him, I don't feel right judging him, but my initial reaction was that that is a pretty inappropriate request.
I think your response is the right way to go. You certainly shouldn't promise him that it'll happen. This is your wedding, and you can't go back later to take more pictures. He can always get pictures taken with his family.
My FI is a photographer and has shot some weddings. After a wedding he has to sort through thousands of pictures, choose the best ones, and then touch them up. That's part of why photographers cost so much. So if your photographers work the same way my FI does, you'll have to tell them how important that particular photo is to ensure that you get it, or you'll have to make special arrangements to have them e-mail it to your uncle. And make sure it doesn't get put into a photobook. That could be awkward!
Wow! Kudos to you for being so accepting and not immediately turning Bridezilla on this one.. I'm not so sure I'd be able to do the same! I think it's just plain rude to ask such a request.. what are you supposed to do while his family takes these photos?
As PP said, I would just make it very clear that they can do it IF and only if time permits. You should definitely not have to make any changes to how your day was planned to accomodate them. It's your day! If they want professional pics they should hire someone..
I'm glad to see other people saying it's a kind of ballsy request. I was a bit taken aback by this and he didn't really give me an easy "out" to say no in the email so I feel like I look kind of like a brat if I say we can't. He just said that they haven't been all dressed up together in awhile (his daughters are 18 and 22) so it seems like the perfect opportunity.
I'm still not sure exactly what to say to respond that wouldn't sound rude but also shows that this request is pretty out there and we can't make any promises it will happen. With 29 days until the wedding, I have a lot of other things to worry about besides if their family can take their own portrait! What would you write back?
This happened at a family wedding. The bride didn't seem to mind and it did not interefere with anything else going on.
The bride actually had the family photos framed and blown up. They were then given to the families as Christmas presents.
It was very sweet and to this day they are hanging in everyone's homes.
@Gerbera: We will have some formal family photos. To be honest, I want to minimize large group formal photos so my FI and I can get as many as possible with just the two of us.
Like I said, we are having a second shooter so it might work but time will be super limited as it is because we're starting very late. I don't know if we have time during formal photos to pose them on their own when we have more shots to do, but maybe after we finish or in a different location.
I'm going to go against the grain and say that honestly I don't really see this as a big deal.
I had 2 photogs at my wedding and we ended up with over 800 photos. And there are some "family portraits" in there with neither my parents, DH's parents, DH or I in them.
As long as they don't expect to have a 20 min photo session but rather a few photos taken quickly, I'd just give the photog a heads up and ask your uncle to be flexible about whether it was taken right after the ceremony or sometime during the reception.
It may be a bit ballsy to ask, but asking now is much better than pulling the photog aside during the reception and asking for the photo then.
I personally am very close to my uncles, if I had a second shooter I would just ask them to please take a moment to take a few shots of my uncle and his family. I dont see it as a huge deal.
@MaraBeth: Depending on your timeline for the day, contract with photographer, etc., you could maybe say something like "We are pretty pressed for time for pictures as it is / Our contract with our photographer doesn't really allow it / our photographer will only be editing or giving us a certain number of pictures as is / I just don't see how we can fit that in to the schedule for the day" and then offer to give him the photographer's contact information so he can set up his own photo session on a completely different day.
Honestly, in my area, getting professional family pictures isn't that common anyway- especially when your kids are adults. If you know someone who will be at your reception who is a decent amateur photographer you could tell your uncle "X might be able to take pictures of you" and then set that up.
@MaraBeth: It is a little odd, but I don't think it was completely unreasonable. If I were you, I would check with the photographer and see if the second shooter can take a few shots of your Uncle's family, maybe during the reception.
As far as a response to your Uncle, I'd just be honest. I've found that works best.
I asked because IF you were already doing photos with this uncle's family it will save you time by just stepping out of frame for 5 seconds and your photographer snaps the pictures. If you had to separately set the family up at a location with your shooter that might take 15minutes or so.
And I also wonder if other family members might then think it was OK for them to ask for pictures with the shooter as well?!
We took formal portraits with all extended family at my wedding (as is customary in my tradition) and it took an hour. And the only reason it went that fast (we have a huge family) is because my brother's and MOH were running around gathering everyone and had them lining up.
So if you had to set up separately for them it could take extra time. I think it's important to consider having someone else besides you coordinating with the shooter for this to happen. You will have way too much to worry about than to find your shooter then his whole family and have them set up somewhere. You also don't want to waste your shooter's time.
@KatNYC2011: @bells: I also don't think it's a huge deal, and I've never really been the type to think this day is all about us. I do think he is hoping to have some posed formal photos taken, and I don't want to say we can do it and then on the day have awkwardness if we're running short on time. I have no problem with it, but I want to respond in a non-rude way to say that they can probably do it but we can't make it a priority if time is limited.
I think its kind of a strange request. But I think your response makes perfect sense if the second shooter has time then okay. However I might contact your photographer to see how they feel about this. They might not be okay with doing a family shoot considering thats not what they are hired for and essentially your uncle is trying to get professional photos without paying the price.
@MaraBeth: In that case I'd just tell him you'd let the photographer know that he'd like this done and make sure that the photographer knows who would be in the photo and if time allows the photos will be taken. But let him know that they may have to be taken at the reception rather than while the other posed photos are taken, so as long as he's flexible on when they are taken you will do your best to fit it in.
I would tell him to grab the photographer during the regular dancing and to gather his family. I would make it his responsibility and tell him the right time to do it so it doesnt interfere with your events. Tell him to gather the family first, then locate the photographer. You will just give him a heads up.
We had an aunt do this with our photgrapher. She didnt ask permission, which I dont think she needed to do and am OK with, and I love having the formal pic of her and the family. There were two pictures and if she gathered the family first, then the photographer it probably took no more than 3 minutes out of the photographers time.
Can you ask either your mother or father (whichever is his sibling) to tell him no? I think siblings are good at being blunt with eachother without hurting feelings. It may be the easy way out, but you don't need the stress if it will make you feel guilty to say no. My wedding isn't til next yr and I'm already outsourcing the conversations I don't want to have with certain family members.
That's really bold of your uncle. I say tell him "too bad" - they can easily go to a photo studio to get family photos done, or they can get a referral from you to your current photographer. I wouldn't try to accomodate them, unless you're in a situation where you're super close with this uncle and his family, then I would just casually toss it in at the end of the day when you feel confident that you have all the photos you want!
@KatNYC2011: @lefeymw: Great ideas, I think that's a good way to handle this diplomatically. Maybe I can mention it to the second photographer, and see if he can gather his family during cocktail hour or the reception for a quick photo.
I too find this to be a somewhat odd request.
I like lefeymw's response; I feel like the photogs like getting those family moments during the reception anyway, so it wouldn't be a huge deal for them to grab the photog for a minute (or the 2nd shooter).
You can always just say that the timeframe is really tight for formal shots that day, and if the above doesn't work, maybe just tell him you can put him in touch with the photog after the wedding, so that they can arrange for portraits separately?
I find this to be a very odd request, but I don't know your uncle. Our friend is a wedding photographer and has graciously offered to be our photographer for our wedding day. Knowing our photographer on a personal level, I do not think he would be ok with this kind of request. But I could be reading it wrong...I'm interpretting it as your uncle wanting a 20 minute photo shoot with just his family, but if it's a couple of shots with just your uncle's family...maaaaaaaaybe that's okay? But honestly, I think my friend would think this is odd and would not be happy with it since he is hired to take photos of the bride and groom that day...not their extended families. He would probably feel taken advantage of since he does offer family photo shoots as well.
@candy apple: They live across the country, so I can't just refer them to the photographer. I think he's saying that they're all there, they're all dressed up, and there's a professional photog present so maybe he could do some formal shots of them.
What threw me a little is that he said "If it's okay by you, I would make the arrangements as a separate transaction (I assume your photographer may be interested)"...that made me think that he wanted more of a formal portrait session? I think I'll just say that that's not necessary and tell them to pull a photographer during some time other than formal photo time because of the time crunch.
I have to agree that you seem so laid back about this request! I think it would have been a bit akward for myself, just because it is another thing you would have to think about on your wedding day (which is already full of details). Plus it could take photos away from the wedding, I'm personally looking forward to having candid photos. I do want family photos as well, but maybe just a few shots as opposed to a whole other session. If you feel comfortable with it and it doesn't bother you, go for it, I'm sure it will win you some brownie points. Personally though I would turn it down - you only get married once, but family photos really can be taken anytime.
If you're doing a lot of posed family shots then, hey, throwing in one in of his family unit isn't a big deal.
But if he wants a portrait session? He needs to make arrangements himself and not do it in the middle of your event. Presuming that they'll be in town for more than just the 6 hours of the wedding, why not suggest he call your photographer and arrange a session before you wedding package begins or maybe for the next day. I still think it's a very odd request, myself.
I don't know, I don't really find it that strange...at my wedding, we got all kinds of family photos. During the reception, we slipped out and just kind of lined up for photos for the photographer--nobody specifically asked, but it has been awhile since the ENTIRE family has been together, so it was nice to get pics of everyone.
It is your wedding, formal pics should not exclude you and your groom! I would tell a white lie - which I don't consider as wrong at all because he is putting you in a terribly awkward position here, and it is wrong. I would tell him that many family members have made this request (he doesn't know FI's family or all of yours, presumably, so for all he knows this is true), and you're sorry but there just isn't going to be time for everyone who wants formal pictures done to have them taken without your photog missing important wedding moments, so you have to say no to the people making this request.
Or you could have your parent who's brother it is call him and be like wtf, no. That is probably what I'd do! haha
@MaraBeth: From a photographer's perspective . . . N-O. Not only is this taking coverage time from you, but it's essentially your photographer shooting a family portrait session for free when he/she was hired to shoot a wedding. I would object to this on the basis of those two facts - if he really wants family portraits he needs to hire a photographer to do that.
You have to think about it from the photographer's perspective - they were hired to shoot your event, your guests at the reception, shoot as the day unfolds, etc. To stop to do formal portraits with a distant relative will mean they will possibly miss some moments between the principals of the wedding, he/she can't use these photos in a portfolio or blog it as a family session, these won't be repeat customers since they live across the country . . . and then you always risk other families seeing this going on and requesting the photographer do the same for them. What you can do to get out of this is simply tell them the photographer is not comfortable taking time away from your coverage but might be able to arrange a shoot the following day or something along those lines. Believe me, most photographers aren't going to be happy about this request. It just seems wrong (and honestly, selfish on the part of your relative).
Does anyone in your family or any friends maybe have a nice DLSR camera they might bring to the wedding and you can have them take a nice picture or 2 instead while you and your FI are getting your pics done? I can understand your uncle's point and I personally don't think its a big deal to get a few shots from your photog, but if you feel uncomfortable with it, that might be a good alternative. If your uncle just wants a nice picture of his family dressed up, he doesn't need an expert photographer to take it. Just have someone snap of pic or 2 of them with a nice backdrop during cocktail hour.
hmmm I thought this was pretty common practice. My second shooter will take family portraits during the reception. Then they're available online to view and purchase. My parents have had their photos taken at other weddings too.
I don't think it sounds so ridiculous. There will be lots of time during your reception when the photographer is not slammed.
Very nice of you, personally? I wouldve said no, and not to be mean but there are other times and places to take family photos and my wedding isn't one of them
I would have not accomodated this. I would give my uncle my photographers information so she can book this own session with him, on his own time.
@PinkMagnolia: You may think so, but your wedding hasn't happened yet...I felt like my photog still had some moments she couldn't catch just because the day was so busy, I would of been very unhappy and missed out on important pics if she had stopped to take family photos.
My sister did this at my wedding. It annoyed me greatly and I think it annoyed my photographer too. She just jumped in and said "okay, now I want one with my family". I wasn't okay with it since I had a limited amount of time with my photographer and wanted to move on. Plus, I felt like I was being taken advantage of (probably because I was). If you're okay with it then I think telling your uncle just what you said here: "they can probably do it but we can't make it a priority if time is limited" would be just fine. It isn't rude and gets the message across that if he wants a portrait session, he's going to have to schedule one while his family is in town.
@MissHelen: Exactly. This has happened to me at weddings and it's often a ripple effect - once one mom or dad sees it going on they're going to approach the photographer as well. I am not happy when I'm asked to do this and I'm sure your photog wasn't either.
It's important to remember here that the primary photographer has specific instructions for their second shooter throughout the night - the primary is paying the second shooter money to get details, candids, etc while the primary shoots the principals of the wedding. This will ultimately take away from what you get, period. And I think it's also important to note that this isn't an uncle who just wants a few quick shots at the reception if he's saying he wants to pay the photographer and is asking in advance (rather than just asking for a quick shot at the reception like many do).
My first thought when I read this was "Is there not a Picture People/JCPenny/Yuen Lie near them?" Those places take decent pictures and they are cheap!
I'm kind of on the fence about this. As a photographer, I agree with @BeeM that it's a wedding and not a family portrait session, but logistically speaking it does make sense to have pictures like this taken because your family is all in one place, I admit I have a few shots like this on my list, only to be taken if there is time.
How would I handle this as a photographer? I put these types of requests at the very end of my shot list and get to them if I have time, so OP what you suggested in your first post is the right way to go.
I wouldn't. I would provide the name of the photographer and the prices but since he offered to pay, he can pay on his own time or for an additional hour (at full cost).
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