How much would you give?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The “cover your plate” gift amount is outdated, give what you would like to give or what you think is appropriate.  We usually give based on how close we are to the person.

Post # 3
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Guests are not responsible for the expense that their hosts incur in hosting them.

I base my gift based on my relationship with the couple, not their budget for the reception.

Post # 4
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

Because of where I live, on average it could go up to $100/pp. So usually my FI and I will give $200 on average as a gift, regardless of a sitdown dinner or not.

I guess it depends how close we are to the couple. We probably go as low as $70/pp. But that’s it. While it’s true that guest are not responisible for the expenses, we would like to think that we are helping them out a bit since we know how expensive weddings are.

But at the end, it’s up to you.

Post # 5
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I think that if you are a strong believer in this rule and always do it then you should keep on doing it. I just think etiquette wise it is the right answer. Continue to cover your plate in this instance if you intend to keep up the rule in all other circumstances. Make the dessert if you like and give a gift equal to the reception cost for 2 individuals.

Post # 6
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I get that some groups and communities are into this, but it doesn’t make it any more acceptable  of a philosophy. 

It is one thing if you use this as an average or general guideline, taking into account the closeness of the relationship, if that is  typical in your community. For the purposes of this discussion,  I will assume budget doesn’t enter into it for you.  But it  is a distorted view, and against any standard of etiquette past or present  to actually discriminate based on the cost of one specific affair vs. another. 

In any case, gifts are properly supposed to be from the heart.  To put a price tag for admission, you might as well sell tickets. Not to mention that those throwing less expensive affairs probably could really use more help starting out, not less! 

In any case, give according to your budget and the closeness if the relationship.  There is no direct relationship to the dessert you are bringing. 

Post # 7
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We usually give $200, if I go alone I give $100. 

Post # 8
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We ususally like to at least cover the cost of our plates. The minimum we give is $150 per person but based on relationship we will give more if we are closer.

Post # 10
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

graygodess20:  I feel the same way about gift giving. Typically I give 100 to $200 depending on how well I know the couple. I think you should just give a standard gift to them. Let’s that dessert you’re making be a little something extra to make the day special

Post # 11
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I disagree with some of the bees. If our friends/family follow the “cover your plate” philosophy, then you should continue it. This is especially true for first/second generation immigrant families. If it was customary to give a gift, then do so. I would give your standard amount and your dessert, like what sarahalthea:  is something extra.

Post # 12
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Kiawah Island

I usually give about $100.

Post # 13
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

OP asked as a question of etiquette, where gift giving is voluntary and from the heart. Cover the plate is completely contrary to that.  

However, what some here are referring to is not really cover the plate at all.  They are basing their gifts on what’s typical in their area, an amount that happens to be generous, because many people tend to give generously at weddings.  My usual wedding gift would likely more than cover the catering cost at the majority of affairs we attend, but in my mind they are not connected.  

To me, cover the plate  is where you give more at the wedding at the five star hotel than you would to the couple who rents the  VFW hall. Putting aside how guests determine what to give, there should be no expectation on the side of hosts or guests of honor.  A wedding is not a commercial fundraiser and people should throw the party they can afford to throw. 

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

graygodess20:  i would give what I normally give.

Post # 15
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would just give what I usually give, which for us is $200/couple.

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