How much would you give if…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: In this situation, what would you give in addition to a card?
    $25-$50 : (41 votes)
    55 %
    $50-$75 : (21 votes)
    28 %
    $75$-$100 : (5 votes)
    7 %
    other (please explain) : (7 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 2
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Contributions!? GAG

    I’d probably give them a picture frame esque gift

    Post # 3
    6985 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would not give more than $50.

    Post # 4
    414 posts
    Helper bee

    Personally, I’d just get them a card. It’s just a get together and they are not paying for anything.

    Post # 5
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    housebee:  Hmm, I would probably give somewhere in the $50-75 range, given that I’m not that close to the couple. Edit to say : that would also include my contribution.

    However, I’m surprised they didn’t suggest a number. I’m quite familiar with contributions because in Québec, many couples request guests for one that covers either their meal, either part of their meal. So what guests usually do is if they planned on offering $100, but the contribution asked for is $50, the other $50 will be given as a separate gift (card, envelope the day of), or they’ll just send a $100 cheque with the RSVP. If your situation is more like an informal get together, then maybe 30$ each is enough of a gift if you’re responsible for your own meal. It depends how much it costs. Or, the couple only expects you to pay for the meal and nothing else. It’s not clear. That’s why although the practice I’ve described to you isn’t ”okay” etiquette-wise (but is widely practiced here), it still allows more precision about gifts and expectations than not talking about money at all. 😛

    Post # 6
    1622 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

    Man, requesting contributions makes me want to give less. Does that make me mean? I don’t feel anyone should actually request a gift or expect it. Plus paying your own bill. 50$ and I feel generous with that. If you werent paying your own dinner or being asked for a contribution then I’d give more.

    I’ve never heard of contributions in my area. Just the standard registry gifts or giving enough cash to cover your plate at a wedding. ( 200$ if it’s 100$ a head and there’s 2 of you). 

    Post # 7
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Oof polling 101, don’t make the best choices where two poll options intersect (I’d vote $50)

    Post # 8
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    $0 but I have little patience or forgiveness for rude people. 

    Post # 9
    2364 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    housebee:  Hmm…do you really WANT to go?  I probably wouldn’t bother and just send a card if the relationship was that casual.  

    Post # 10
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    BurlapnLace:  +1

    housebee:  Yes, do you really want to go? It sounds like you are not hot to trot on this. Since it’s just a friendly get together after dinner, I think a card with nothing is fine or a card and a bottle of champagne or their favorite wine is plenty.


    Post # 11
    11634 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Requesting contributions is very gauche to me, as is not hosting any portion of the event, so I’d probably decline to go.  I’d send a card with my best wishes.

    Post # 12
    4404 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    It honestly wouldn’t occur to me to give anything in this situation. It’s a pay-your-own-way after-dinner drinks get-together (so many hyphens, ha)? It seems like a chance for people to say congrats and raise a glass with the couple, but not an occasion for giving money. 

    But if I REALLY felt pressured to give something, I would at most slip a $50, or 2 $20s, into a card. 

    Post # 13
    320 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant

    They want everyone to foot their own bill yet they want “contributions”?  Contributions towards what exactly?

    I would give friends $50, even if they didnt have a regular reception.  If we are invited to a wedding and decline, we still give $50 or so.  Getting married is an exciting time and I want them to know we care about them.

    Post # 14
    3668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d give a card and a bottle of wine or champagne.

    Post # 15
    4140 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d bring a gift anyway with a gift reciept. Hopefully they would appreciate the gift, but if they’re having a cash-grab moment, they can drive to sears and wait in line for it. 

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