How naive I was…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@crookedframe:  I feel your pain. I think of how many weddings I’ve attended as a +1 for someone else, not realizing how much added stress it was for the people paying for everything, and I just cringe with guilt!

I would get it out as soon as possible, via word of mouth, or on your wedding website if you have one, that the space is limited, and therefore cannot necessarily accommodate every extra body people are wanting to drag along.

Post # 4
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m glad that I learnt that here I am going to have to do that with my RSVP’s!! If it wasn’t for weddingbee I would have lost my planning ming a long time ago lol! All the best with sorting it out!

Post # 5
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Even if you write that in there will still be people who don’t know their manners!

Post # 6
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@crookedframe:  man, I was hoping this was not going to be a issue in Australia as I’ve never known anyone bring/want to bring a plus one that wasn’t a serious partner to a wedding here. People hey! 

Post # 7
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry your guests are asking for “extra” people which have not been accounted for 🙁

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@crookedframe:  Just be firm and tell them no. You’re paying for it, you choose who comes. Don’t let people pressure you into running your event in a different way than you planned.

Post # 9
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@crookedframe:  another bee recently had a card sent back that said “we have 3 seats reserved in your honor” and the person wrote back that 4 people were attending. Some people are just clueless

Post # 10
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@crookedframe:  I know exactly how you feel! I ran into an issue at our engagement party therefore I knew for certain guests that clearly stating ” ___ seats have been reserved in your honour” on our wedding rsvp’s was a must.

My now DH’s Uncle (who at the time didn’t have a SO) and his son were invited to our engagement party.  He showed up with his son and 4 unexpected guests.  He brought a date, her two children and a friend of his son.  UHM WTF … you couldn’t even call us ahead of time?  If it was at the house no big deal but at a venue … come on … no courtesy.

So I KNEW for the wedding that we needed to be crystal clear!  We still had some people not show up at all, some that brought a guest that weren’t supposed to and some that were supposed to bring a date but didn’t so in the end it balanced out.

It’s only normal to get fustrated and just go with it but there are some people that try to take advantage and you must put your foot down.  Good luck!

 

Post # 11
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@crookedframe:  We did online rsvps so we didn’t have to deal with this.  Sorry your guests are being rude.  Hopefully you won’t have anymore responses like that.  Best of luck!

Post # 12
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@crookedframe:  If it makes you feel any better, even with ours we have had similar issues. And I addressed each envelope with each guests names “Mr soandso & guest” so it was very clear. We also went against etiquette and put “Adult Only Reception” on the rsvp and people still assumed they could bring their kids. 

UGH. 

 

It’s unavoidable!! 

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@housebee:  Ha. We did online RSVPs and we’re still dealing with it. Yesterday, I got RSVPs for my aunt and uncle, plus their son, who wasn’t invited. He’s at least 18, in college and living on campus. It doesn’t even make sense for him to come! And our wedding is in October, so it’s not like it’s summer and he’s out of school.

Post # 14
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Luckily I only had this happen with two different family members!

One was my aunt and uncle RSVP’d (I’d also included my cousins and their families in the invite), and then showed up with one of my cousin’s and her two kids in tow. No biggie on this one, and my aunt apologized for not putting them on the RSVP becuase she hadn’t known if they’d be able to make it or not.

Another aunt and uncle, however (on whom I’d also included my cousins and their families) showed up not only with aunt, uncle, cousin, cousin, cousin’s wife, three second cousins, but then BROUGHT ALONG their babysitter, her husband, and her three kids, NONE of whom I’d ever met before. Because seriously, the five adults that were already there could not manage three kids for one weekend.

 

Anyways, there will still be people who just assume they can bring/add whomever they want. Hopefully the rest of your guests don’t do this to you!

Post # 15
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Please don’t be upset that you did not include this recent, yet increasingly popular language on your response cards.

First of all, this wording (and, for the sake of accuracy, I should add that response cards in general) are not traditional, so you’ve done nothing at all wrong by omitting it. 

In fact, I’ve seen several threads describing situations in which this language has, at least in part, helped to create problems instead of helping to avoid them.

When you tell people, before they’ve even told you whether or not they’re planning to attend,  that you have already reserved X number of seats in their honor, they may take you at your word.  When one half of an invited couple — or someone else invited from a family — is unable to attend, sometimes these guests decide to take it upon themselves to bring other, uninvited guests of their own choosing, since, in their minds, the hosts have already assigned these seats to that person, couple or family.  Of course, this is not at all what most hosts — who likely would rather fill any vacant seats with other guests of their choosing — intended when they decided to use this wording.

Simply contact each and every guest who attempts to bring anyone whose name was not on the envelope, and tell him or her that, unfortunately, you are not able to accommodate any extra guests.  The fact that you did NOT use the “we have reserved X seats in your honor” language actually should make this statement all the more convincing for these guests.

Post # 16
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@crookedframe:  LOL…well dont feel bad, those people would have done it anyways…I know this because my RSVPs were “we have reserved ____ seats in your honor, please indicate how many of _____ will attend. ____”

the last blank being for them to fill……I had at least 4-5 people do one of 2 things…..

a) the left the part they fill in blank because obviously it would look tacky writing “3, or 4” when its clearly stated 2 seats, and just wrote in 4 names in the name section.

b) they just blatently didnt care how it looked and wrote 3, or 4 in the space where it was indicated 2!

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