How non traditional was/is your wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Secular
Post # 3
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Did you mean to post this in the ‘secular’ section and wanted responses related to that, or just anything untraditional?

Much of our wedding was traditional, but there were some key components that upset family members (thankfully none of them expressed this directly the day of).

For one, my mother was livid that I was not allowing her to give a blessing over the food before dinner.

My ceremony was also completely secular, which no one had ever seen outside of a courthouse wedding. While I did not explicitly discuss this with my religious mother, I know it was something she was concerned about. She ended up loving the ceremony though! I do know some of my other religious relatives noticed though, based on some of the subtle things they said.

So those were the two main things – no blessing of the meal, and no hymns/prayer/gods in the ceremony. Very untraditional in my family!

Post # 4
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m pretty much the opposite of you.. the only thing we aren’t doing is a priest/in a church, we are having a very secular wedding.


Post # 5
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Minae:  It was not, at all, really.

We self-united (no officiant), had an 8-minute ceremony in which there was no mention of anything spiritual whatsoever, as we are both quite intent about our atheism (we are vehemently anti-supernatural-everything… except the TV show, which is awesome lol). We said our vows in unison. Our readings were from Douglas Adams and The Velveteen Rabbit. I walked down the aisle alone. I wore a blue dress. My hair was pink. 

Certain non-religious aspects (even anti-religious in moments) were disapproved of in advance, but everyone thought that it was beautiful when it actually happened. My advice if people are giving you trouble is to keep everything on a purely need to know basis, and when people tell you what to do go “mhm, thanks for letting me know about that, we’ll think about it.” 

Basically: SNIP. Smile, nod, ignore, proceed.

Post # 8
260 posts
Helper bee

Well…  we’re not getting married in a church.  We’re getting married on a little island in Mexico

No parents names on the invites for sure.  Don’t even really care to have invites, except I want one as a keepsake.

I have a green amethyst engagement ring, which has raised some eyebrows

I will be wearing a backless wedding gown that’s quite revealing

The entire bridal party will be barefoot (with the girls in barefoot sandals)

We don’t want a first dance

That’s all I can think of ATM

Post # 9
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, that stuff all sees pretty tame. I did a lot of looking at offbeatbride while I was planning so pretty much everybody’s wedding seems very traditional next to a lesbain, pirate themed hand fasting.

I did have a bridal party but it included both men and women. I had a honeymoon registry (which was a huge hit). I had two officiants. I also didn’t get a separate wedding ring. And I had a ring warming ceremony. And a group blessing where the bridal party/immediate family put their hands on us and everyone else put their hands on the person in front of them like a big web. We had the wedding in my dad’s backyard. I didn’t have a train or a veil. No wedding cake. (dessert buffet instead). No real flowers (all origami). No garter/bouquet toss. Bridesmaids found their own dresses and bridesguys found their own suits. Hm…I know there must be other stuff.

I got some surprised reaction but nobody actually had any problems with any of that.

Post # 10
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The only thing people are really making a fuss about is that we’re having a vegan wedding.  I’m vegan and my FI is vegetarian, and I want to be able to eat everything at my wedding! You wouldn’t believe how much people can complain about free food.  I managed to win a lot of people over with the engagement party, but I’m still getting a lot of, “Not even fish?” type responses.

We’re having a completely secular ceremony, but everything else is pretty traditional and we’re including a lot of Jewish customs that are more cultural than religious.

Post # 11
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I didn’t have a bridal shower, bachelorette party (aside from some pizza and a quick rehearsal in my apartment with the officiant), or wedding party. Our vows were entirely secular. We were married on the dance floor of the venue where we had our reception…many people seemed to find that weird at first, but as the wedding got closer,  many others were starting to do the same thing.

MIL found it so appalling that we weren’t having a wedding party, and asked multiple times why. They were also uncomfortable with the idea of someone getting ordained through the Universal Life Church to marry us. That and the fact that besides a quick ‘thanks’ from the officiant, there were no speeches, prayers, etc.

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