How NOT to get your hopes up about expecting a proposal….

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Stranger516:  Oh goodness. That’s what this whole board is for!! I’m sure every single one of us has had a “I bet it’ll be (insert time and place)!” and then it wasn’t. That’s what we’re here for 🙂 If I knew how to turn off that part of my brain that suspected and hoped for it to happen, I would tell you but I have yet to figure that out. Expect the worst and hope for the best. Luckily for you, the worst is — no proposal while you’re in EUROPE! Forget the ring, that’s the trip of a lifetime for some people!! Even if you don’t get it then, it’ll still be an amazing trip!

 

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Yep.  I moved in with SO last August.  We booked a holiday to Bali for January, and his brother got married in the November.  About a million people at the wedding asked if I thought SO would propose in Bali.  Family and friends kept asking right up until the day we left.

 

I usually laughed it off and said no (while we’ve been together more than 6 years now, it just didn’t seem like he’d do it after living together for such a short time).  But at the end of the holiday, when it didn’t happen…it still hurt.  So many romantic dinners watching the sunset, sitting on beanbags by the beach at 11 pm drinking beers, walking through the water at midnight etc.  It was a really great holiday but everytime I couldn’t help but think: maybe my family and friends knew something I didn’t?  Maybe this is it?

It wasn’t.  I felt a little sad.  I have another holiday booked in November…and family and friends are once again asking “will it be this time?”  I don’t have any advice…just try and enjoy every romantic moment you have on your holiday, and try to eliminate any thoughts of proposals whatsoever.

Post # 5
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Stranger516:  My FI and I had a trip planned to Spain and Italy. While in Tuscany we had a hot air balloon ride planned and I felt for sure that he was going to propose. We had been together for 9 years (since we were 15) and I just felt like it was for sure going to happen. Honestly, I was never ‘waiting’, but I just had a feeling it was going to happen during that trip. Well… it didn’t. My FI now says that he had considered it, but he would have been way too nervous to travel with the ring (he’s a worrier). He did it the next year 20 minutes from our house 😛

Post # 6
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The same thing happened to me. Dream trip to Jamaica after we had been together for 6 years. I thought for sure he was going to propose… but he didn’t.

Honestly, I know it’s easier said than done, but just try to forget about it and enjoy your trip. I kept thinking hmm I wonder if he’s going to do it, and then it was the last night and I realized he’s actually not going to propose on this trip, and it was a bit disappointing. We had an amazing trip, sure, but I had psyched myself up a bit.

Convince yourself there’s no way he could propose. Then if he does, you’ll be super surprised!

Post # 7
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Stranger516:  I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your SO is to… try to stop thinking about it! I know, easier said than done.

But really, if you don’t expect it to happen and sort of forget about it, you won’t feel all ‘let down’ if it doesn’t happen. Plus your SO won’t be worrying about what’s the matter with you if you get back and you’re a little miserable/upset for (what he thinks is) no reason! You’d be doing both of you a favour 🙂

Just enjoy the trip together and take life as it comes – enjoy the sights, smells, sounds, tastes… Take it all in and distract yourself on purpose! – you’ll be in EUROPE for goodness sake! That is AWESOME.

Post # 8
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We went to Europe for a month and a lot of family and friends thought it would happen there. (Gondola rides, trips up the Eiffel Tower etc etc). I didn’t think he would because I knew he would think it ‘cliche’ and also he lost his job a few days before we left so neither of us were really in that headspace.  People constantly asking me was so irritating though – I felt like saying why don’t you ask HIM seeing as only he knows what his plans are. And I did not want the holiday to be ruined by me getting my hopes up  and then being disappointed.   He confessed after he did propose about 6 months later that he thought about doing it when we were randomly walking in the countryside near my relative’s home in England but then it started to rain, lol.

I thought he was going to do it NYE just gone when he was very insistent we have dinner at a nice restaurant, just the two of us, then go to a lookout to watch the fireworks. No proposal. I was pissed in this case. Once again turns out he was going to do it but the look out was too crowded.

He did it less than 2 weeks later in the end at a random picnic one Friday night.

Post # 9
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Stranger516:  holy! I feel like I could have written this EXACT post!! SO and I just had our 7 year annversary (we have been living together longer than you and your SO though). We are going to Italy for 2 weeksnext year as well and I keep wondering if he will pop the question then! I have the exact same concerns as you–I don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t happen…but it’s practically all I can think about! I feel your pain girl! But what an exciting time for you! and a  trip to Europe too 🙂 where abouts are you going?

Post # 10
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Stranger516:  Oh yes, certainly have been there! I thought (hoped) it would happen on a vacation my SO and I took this spring, to a place that is special and romantic to both of us. Nope. I was disappointed, and didn’t really enjoy the last day or two of the trip because of that. 

We just took another short vacation a week or so ago, and I was really wondering if it would happen on this one, since I saw a ring email on his computer by mistake and we’d been talking about it a lot more lately. But the vacation was an adventure to a new place, that was interesting but not romantic and not somewhere we’d want to return to. I actually found myself thinking, “I hope he doesn’t decide to propose here because I don’t like this place enough!!” That was weird feeling, to have that thought.

Anyway, I think the only way to avert serious hopes/expectations of this variety is to talk about getting engaged or the timing of when you want to get married enough so you have some idea of what the actual timeline is. And then, before the trip, just work extremely hard to not have expectations and feel that if anything does happen, you will be super happy, but if it doesn’t, well, this might be your last trip as BF and GF– in the best way, since by the time you take the next trip, you might be engaged! That’s how I got myself to not be too excited about engagement possibilities for the latest vacation. Plus the memory of past disappointments (unfulfilled expectations about trips or holidays) kept me from going too crazy over it.

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

@jesicka309:  I’m sure we all agree that once we have an “audience”of people guessing when the proposalwill be it makes it hard for us.I’ve been with SO nearly 17 months now of seeing each other every day… and my parents are starting to annoy me with questions and they even told me the other day when they though it ought to have happened:-

 

“When we went out for your birthday meal (9 months into relationship) we thought he was going to do it”.

 

“When he took you out for your anniversary dinner we thought this would be it” (I knew they thought it might happen because they grinned like cartoon characters at us on the doorstep.

 

However they DON’T think it will happen at 18 months as “that’ not a proper time to do it” ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH stop watching us!

 

This is what I mean by audience.  It doesn’t make me feel good that they told me this because I feel like they are getting impatient with SO and it’s not his fault!

 

Post # 12
Member
17 posts
Newbee

Holy Cow…this happened to me last year! We had booked our very first cruise together (it was a first for both of us). A few days before we left, he even took it upon himself to upgrade our “room” to a “suite”. I thought for sure it would happen on this cruise. When we vacation, we normally go in a large group with our families…never really just the two of us. So in my mind I was like “SWEET…it’s going to happen on one of these five days!!” The entire vacation I was like okay NOW!!! When it didn’t happen, I was crushed and mildly irritated that he let the moment past with nothing. After we got back and called all our familiy to let them know we were okay and back on land…I got in the car and went to sleep, I basically slept the entire car ride home (it was an 8 to 9 hour drive). I acted like a full on brat! Having been there, I’d suggest not building yourself up and try to forget about it now so you can enjoy an amazing vacation in Europe. Laughing

Post # 13
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

@Stranger516:  oh I feel your pain! We have a huge trip planned for the end if November! It’s my trip of a lifetime! We have it booked since early this year. we were away last week and my SO was joking about us just getting a ring in this cheapo jewellery shop there and getting engaged. And then he said ok how about I propose when we go away on November. I have gone full force into looking up rings researching jewellery shops there etc

he also said to not get my hopes up in case something comes up financially he has no control over. Just today he was complaining about all the bills that have come through.

if it doesn’t happen on this trip I am gonna be seriously pee’d off because he has basically laid it out that it should. I’m trying to calm myself down and remind myself it might not happen cos anything might come up in the meantime but I can just imagine the when we are away I’m literally gonna be waiting in tender hooks for it to happen!

Post # 14
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

@Stranger516:  Here’s how I would handle this situation so that you aren’t disappointed:

Don’t get your hopes up (I know this is hard because I am the exact same way!). 

What I would do, is go over all the things you want to see. Get super stoked about the amazing architecture, funky clubs, cool people you meet, and other things that you are looking forward to on this trip. This way you are focused on what you will be doing, and not what might happen while you are over there 🙂

Do some research, find some cool things to do while you are there. This will also keep your mind of a potential proposal. 

When you are there, just enjoy the moment. Try not to think about a proposal. Keep yourself focused on what you are doing in the moment and let things happen as they happen.

I know this won’t be easy, as you have been waiting a long time for this. But try to stay focused on how amazing it will be to be on vacation and to see all the amazing sites that Europe has to offer. 

If he proposes, awesome! If not, well you are in Europe! Enjoy it as much as you can! 

Everyone’s time comes when they lease expect it. This is usually how it happens. 

Take my friend for instance: She has been with her man probably as long as you have been with your’s. She has had 3 kids with him, and they have lived together most of the 6 years or so they have been together. 

She was upset after one of their anniversaries that he didn’t propose. She asked him about it and he shrugged it off, saying he didn’t need marriage to prove his love to her. She was disappointed to say the least.

Well, her sisters went on a trip. And when they came back, she went to the airport to pick them up. When she got home, BOOM! He proposed. Seem’s kind of random, right? That’s what sometimes happens, they propose when you aren’t expecting it. Which is a good play on their part, because then you are surprised 🙂

Post # 15
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

I hope he proposes to you on the Trip. But remember, if it doesn’t happen, at least you can look forward to the surprise it will be for you when it does. Thing is, it WILL happen! You just don’t know when 🙂 As hard as it is to wait, you have to be patient and realize that you will have your time some day.

Try to enjoy this time in your relationship as best as you can without the ring. It will be worth the wait when it happens!

Post # 16
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Stranger516:  YES. I’ve been there (twice) and it was honestly my own fault for having such high expectations…because I let everyone in the world pump up my head for the Eiffel Tower proposal and the Hawaii proposal that never came. So naturally I was pretty bummed when I came back empty handed from both trips. But the timing just wasn’t right. I’ve since learned to consider the trips to be ABSOLUTELY AMAZING experiences that we wouldn’t have had if he had to save for a ring. The trips were what they were, and nothing more and nothing less. Looking back, I can’t look back and say that the trips were horrible because I didn’t get a ring..For crying out loud, I was in LONDON & PARIS and then later, HAWAII! What could be better than having those experiences? My SO does not understand why in my mind the engagement process should have been tied up with our trips, but he’s not really a romantic so I let him off the hook.  I guess I considered those type of trips to be “honeymoon worthy” and therefore engagement worthy. that was before I realized that trips and rings and all that jazz costs serious MONEY. So for us, part of the holdup was money, but in hindsight I’d rather have had the trips than had the ring 2 years ago. Who knows when we’ll be able to travel like that again?

The best advice I can give you is to vent HERE, not with friends and family because as well meaning as they are, they will keep on betting that the trip will bring a proposal, and it will be SO HARD not to get caught up in that excitement.  Beyond that, just try not to think about it. After all, it’s EUROPE, which is automatically awesome. Plan out your trip and that will keep you busy and not worrying about getting engaged.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors