How often do you and your SO fight?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

sweetis:  Pretty rarely. It’s not that we don’t disagree – but I think we’ve learned how to navigate our disagreements effectively so they don’t become fights. I credit FI with this, mainly – I can actually be a bit fiery and combative at times – but he is good at calming me down and saying “hey, there’s obviously an issue here, so let’s have a discussion about it and solve it.” So while I wouldn’t say we don’t have our disagreements, I’d say we hardly ever fight.

Post # 3
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: TBD

I mean personally me and FI never fight. We may bicker but that usually leads to a tickle fight to settle things. We’re lucky. 

 

On the VERY rare occasion it’s not something that can be settled with a little bickering and tickle fighting we talk it out. NEVER go to bed angry. That’s our rule 🙂 A little conflict is good, but you shouldn’t be fighting all the time. 

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We have what I call a “frank and open exchange of views”, which is really just an argument maybe once a week? But it’s about stupid stuff like what to eat for dinner, or who’s turn it it to empty the dishwasher.

Actual yelling at each other and getting really angry fights….maybe once every 6 months max? We do make an effort to fight fair though: no bringing up stuff unless it’s what the argument is actually about.

I don’t think it’s concerning if you fight often, I think it’s more concerning HOW you fight. Some people are just naturally argumentative or combative, and will always fight. I don’t think there’s some set number of fights you can have in a week, and once you reach that you should break up.

Post # 5
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Hanover Grande Ballroom

Me and FI fight like an old married couple LOL.

but seriously, we tend to ‘bicker’ almost daily about silly things, this always ends in us laughing or a tickle fight.

actual fights where we are mad more than 5 minutes? MAYBE wants every 3 months and thats due to me holding a grudge usually. yes, i need to grow up lol.

Post # 6
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Hanover Grande Ballroom

sara_tiara:  great advice!

Post # 7
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sweetis:  I try to let things go as much as possible. FH is much better at it than I am, however. I just find arguing and fighting a waste of energy. How does it keep the spark alive? Getting pissed doesn’t help me feel romantic or connected in the least.

In the last 6 years, FH and I have fought once or twice and that was enough. Do we disagree? Sure do! Do we have screaming matches? No. I find that kind of shit intolerable. For me, it would be indicative of a negative relationship because I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it long term. To each their own.

Post # 8
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

sweetis:  for us, its more bickering than fighting and its always stupid crap. never serious. 

when its serious we talk about it, we don’t raise our voice or curse. 

Post # 9
Member
4828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

sweetis:  Really never. We might disagree, but it never escalates and it gets resolved really quickly. I think I got lucky having him for a husband.

I have always felt that if you are 90% of the time happy in the marriage and 10% not, then you’re solid. If it’s the other way around, it’s time to reevaluate. In other words, if there are WAY more happy times than unhappy times, you should be good. I’ve been divorced so this is something I thought about at the time and helped me decide to move on.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we’ve never had a fight or raised our voices at each other. 

we’ve never bickered that wasn’t just friendly banter.

we’ve had a few disagreements.  and then we discuss the matter and try to find a solution. 

Post # 11
Member
3876 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We fight occasionally, although we disagree on quite a few things. Usually with DH, I make a conscious decision to let the little things go. 

To be honest, DH is pretty even-keel, which keeps arguments to a minimum. Actual fights are few and far between, and even then, they are pretty tame – no name calling, yelling, throwing things… none of that. And I can’t think of a single one that went more than a few hours without an apology from one or both of us.

Post # 12
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

applecat:  +1. I’d turn everything into a fight, lol.  My partner is calm, easygoing, and mellow. If we disagree, we tell each other but we do so respectfully. I don’t understand couples who say they always agree unless they are clones. It’s equally problematic to have constant disagreements. 

What we do – and I’m still learning – is pick our battles. Does it annoy me that he doesn’t empty his lunch pail after work? Yup. Is it worth fighting about? Nope. So, I just do it and he continues thinking it’s the lunch pail fairy. 

If he did something that truly pissed me off, you bet I’d be telling him though. I think that overall we have found ways of living together and building a partnership that work for us. We try to use disagreements productively so we learn and don’t repeat them. 

Post # 13
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

I agree with sara_tiara:. I think it matters more HOW you fight. FI and I are both stubborn and can be argumentative by nature (sounds like fun, huh? lol) but we tend to argue about stupid stuff and we totally recognize it. For example, we had a 15 minute argument Sunday morning…about pizza…even though we weren’t eating pizza, or planning to eat pizza, or doing anything remotely involving pizza. Stupid stuff like that happens weekly. Real, true arguements happen much less often.

We have rules, though. No yelling, no interrupting, no name calling. And if any of those things happen, the other person can stop you and point it out and you change the behavior. Name calling is never an issue but we both tend to get worked up and try to interrupt before the other is finished. He can stop me and say he isn’t finished with his thought and I have to quite down and wait. Same with raising our voices. We also agreed a long time ago that if one of us says we need to walk alway, the other person lets them go. No chasing after them. Just say okay and let the other person go cool off, gather their thoughts, and come back when they can discuss things with a clear head. Once you say something, you can’t take it back. This is how we avoid saying things we don’t mean.

We also take breaks. So if we’re arguing about something that appears not to have an end in sight because we both feel like we’re right or we have something we need to do or an appointment or whatever, then we can say that we need to table it. We stop the argument, go about our business and then we come back to it later. Usually by the time we come back to it, we’ve both cooled off and we can have a more productive conversation.

This works for us because neither of us stay mad long so we’re able to get past that emotion and move on to the meat of the problem.

Post # 14
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

sweetis:  My FI and I have never had a fight that includes yelling or saying nasty things. Once in a while we might get snippy with eachother but we don’t really ever fight or argue.

Post # 15
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

SO and I fight here and there. But it’s rarely anything really big. We have “bad days”. 9 times out of 10 it’s my fault since I’m the moody one that get’s cranky a lot more easily. He is very even keeled and usually will just let me be a brat for a while. sometimes it works where he just let’s it play out while I act like a brat, sometimes it backfires and makes me more mad. But it’s a good balance no matter what to have one who is more controlled and one who is more fiery. I need someone like that and I’m lucky that he is the person he is. I can fight about almost anything lol.

I would say we have little battles almost weekly. But never are we disrespectful, it never lasts long, we don’t yell or get nasty with each other, its just us butting heads.

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