How often do you and your SO have sex?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How often do you and your SO have sex? Two part question. Choose a #, then letter.
    a. 1-2 times/week : (112 votes)
    39 %
    b. 3-4 times/week : (80 votes)
    28 %
    c. 5-6 times/week : (18 votes)
    6 %
    d. 7 or more times/week : (10 votes)
    3 %
    e. 1-2 times/month : (21 votes)
    7 %
    f. 2-3 times/month : (37 votes)
    13 %
    g. Once every couple months. : (7 votes)
    2 %
    h. Once every 3 or 4 months. : (5 votes)
    2 %
    i. Once or twice a year. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Oops, forgot to pick a number.

    We are only doing the deed once a month or so… We are living with my parents and I really don’t feel comfortable doing that there. Sucks, but such is life. I’m actually ok with it, I don’t really have too much of a sex drive :/ but it’s really difficult on FI.

    Post # 4
    7192 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Usually 1-4 times/week. I think I have a higher sex drive than my DH, but I don’t complain about it. Plus, since I got pregnant, my sex drive has gone WAY down.

    Post # 5
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I voted 2-3 times a month, and that I complain we don’t have sex enough! For the first 6 months of our relationship it was once-twice a DAY, and then has slowly (over the past year and a half) petered out a lot. I’d like to say that it’s because we live with his parents (we are 27 and 24, but both still students!) but we have ALWAYS lived with his parents, and never stopped us in the beginning. I hope we’ll get a permanent second wind once we have our own place!

    Post # 6
    29 posts

    It varies. I would say we average 2-3 times per month. Rarely, it has been 1 time in 3 months ( bad omg ) or 3 times in 1 week ( good omg ). I want more sex, but I’ve had to accept it. Sex has always been good, so that helps. He’s extremely affectionate. I don’t quite get it, but I have learned that it’s not me or my looks, he’s not crazy, and he’s not gay. I still think he’s weird, and I still struggle with it a bit.

    He prefers handjobs/mutual masturbation and oral ( both giving and reciprocating ) to intercourse. He would prefer we 69 instead of have vaginal sex pretty much all of the time. I love vaginal sex. I really don’t care at all about receiving oral. We almost always have handjobs/oral as foreplay, but we do have vaginal sex in at least half of our sexual encounters.

    He has no problem getting aroused by me. He’ll have a boner and turn me down. I tried watching porn with him once, and it didn’t arouse him at all. I’m honestly not sure if he even masturbates. It’s like he is borderline asexual, but that’s not quite correct since we do have sex a few times a month. He is mostly into vanilla encounters, but he will get a little kinky from time to time. It makes no sense. He never looks at other women (or men). At least I know I can give him an erection easily.

    I’m venting a bit, but it’s gone from being a huge issue to being a much smaller one. I know I can’t improve it ( believe me, I have tried ), and I truly have moved mostly past it. I will always be envious of couples with more normal frequency sex lives.

    Post # 7
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    @anonbee06:  I hear ya. We had the opposite problem in that sex has gradually been more frequent – though at the beginning it was once every month, sometimes once every three months. Now it’s settled into once or up to 4 times per month. Now that we’re trying to conceive, it’s a little more frequent (i.e., basically we’re abstinent until my fertile times), but that’s still not saying much.

    I generally assume it’s something about my appearance even though I don’t have any concrete evidence. I’ve taken a “whatever” kind of approach to it. I can’t change the guy, so I may as well live with my situation.


    Post # 8
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We average about 1x a day 🙂 Most days just once, morning or night or both, when we’re tired sometimes not, after he gets back from a few days away… well… lots. 

    We both have very high sex drives and are very compatible. 

    One request I have… is more oral. (for me). But it’s not a huge deal. 

    Post # 9
    29 posts

    @CookieCreamCakes:  Don’t automatically assume it’s your appearance. I think society thinks of men as always having to have a high libido. If the men don’t, then something must be wrong with their partner, right? So women like us tend to keep things like this to ourselves, when there is actually a good chance our partners just have a low libido.

    One possibility that comes to my mind is low testosterone. I mentioned it once to SO, and he absolutely shut it down. Maybe I approached it the wrong way, but he felt seriously emasculated when I made that statement. He has compromised with frequency, so he’s not entirely numb to my plight.

    I still have my insecure days, though. It helps when I remember that he is the weirdo who will put his tongue down my throat and grope me and then not sleep with me. If he was turned off by me, surely he wouldn’t do that?

    I also believe he is a morning person. He is usually always up for it if I initiate in the morning. It just rarely works out that we are up early enough before work. Or I should say it rarely works out that *he* is up. I am always up way before him.

    On the upside, I just sent him a naughty text message since this thread put it on my mind, and it looks like he is up for some fun tonight. It’s never guaranteed, though. He gets a lot of mysterious headaches and backaches. Especially in the evening, solidifying my morning person theory.  /sigh.

    Post # 10
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We do it 2-3 times a week, and I complain we don’t do it enough!

    Post # 11
    939 posts
    Busy bee

    4-6 times a week. We would both like it to be more often, but we have conflicting schedules and I have a 4 year old so sometimes by the time I get her in bed for the night I just want to go straight to sleep myself!

    Post # 12
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    F/ 2-3 times a month

    4/ we dont mind

    We have 3 kids – enough said lol

    Post # 13
    229 posts
    Helper bee

    For us, it’s usually 3-4 times a week. I feel like both of us would like a little more, but our schedules don’t align. We live with it, though. What we get is plenty. 

    Post # 14
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    3-4 times a week and if it were up to me, it’d be more. I put “I complain it’s not enough” but I don’t actually. I would like it more often but we already have sex somewhat frequently so I don’t complain lol

    Post # 15
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bunnyharriet:  Around once a week, we both would like it to go up, but there are obstacles.

    Post # 16
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Glad to see others in the 2/3 times a month category. No excuse here. It’s just our life.

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