Post # 1
This question is purely out of curiosity… my FI have a healthy relationship. We didn’t fight at all until we were together two years. This is our 8th year together, and we have had our share of fights although it always ends on a positive note. Last night for example, we got in a fight because he was later than he said he’d be .. out with his friends, and I had to work in the morning. I hate being woken up! We can never go to sleep though, without resolving things. So I guess my question is… how often do you fight, and what is it usually about?
Post # 3
We barely ever fight. I think we’ve had 2 actual fights since we’ve been together.
Post # 4
We rarely have any “big” fights – in fact, I think the only time we had any really big fight was while we were engaged! We bicker but thats just how we are. If we do have a fight we always talk it out right away and dont let it simmer while we sit on it. We get over it pretty quickly and are able to just move on. We bicker on a regular basis (every couple days we might have a little bicker – but thats completely normal for us) but other than that we dont fight.
Post # 5
We hardly ever fight. We have been together almost 6 years and literally have only had 3 fights. We have never had a “don’t talk to each other” kind of fight.
But I am not a fighter at all, and he is so laid back that nothing upsets him.
Post # 6
It’s pretty rare, we normally work things out before they become a fight. We are human though ultimately, so there have probably been 2 times in our 8 months of marriage that we fought. My definition of fighting is having a controlled and respectful heated disagreement, almost like we are on a debate team. There’s no screaming or insulting the other person.
Post # 7
I guess I’ll be the one to break the “we fight” ice, cause DH and I used to fight a lot. We were LD for a long time and sometimes the stress definitely got the better of us. It started out that we’d be able to communicate through an issue before anytihng came of it… then eventually that just broke down. We had some big issues re: sacrifices, future planning etc. that added resentment to the mix though which never helps.
We’ve been living together almost two years now and although it took some time adjusting to life together all the time AND living together, we do really well. We probably only fight once every few months but get through them pretty respectfully. Other than that, most issues we’re able to nip in the bud before things boil over.
During our more trying times one thing we found incredibly helpful was Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. *corny I know* Although when first reading it, I was in total denial about DH being SUCH a typical ‘man’ (I still wanted to romanticize about how sensitive and different he was… HA!), I see that he really, really is. Once we both started embracing some of the books techniques and accepting that some of our actions/needs are just part of how we function it became SOO much easier to brush certain things off, support each other and relate.
Post # 8
I have freak outs. It is just a family thing I grow up with, and FI just lets me vent it out instead of arguing back which could cause fights. So no, in that spirit we rarely ever have a full out screaming match.
Post # 9
We hardly ever fight. I think we have had maybe 3 “big” ones in 3 years, but they were resolved within a few hours. He is SOO laid back that he basically never gets mad.
Post # 10
Oh we fight…and in three years of living together we’ve probably had 20-30 fights. I’m not ashamed to admit it, either. I’m kind of a “get it all out there, hash it out, and move on” person and he’s very “bottle it up and stew”. So our personalities clash a little when it comes to dealing with things. We fight a lot less now than we ever did…honestly most of our fights were about money. The past two years my fiance was a student and I was the main breadwinner…now that he’s also providing an income, it’s such a relief and getting our bills paid on time does wonders for our attitudes. lol
Post # 11
Rarely, but if we do we’ll talk about it straight after. We might bicker where we disagree about who said what and those often end up laughing at one another.
Post # 12
We rarely fight. If we do, it’s usually b/c I have my period and I’m PMSing. But through the years he’s learned how to watch what he says when he knows it’s my time of the month, and now that I’m hormonal and pregnant, he’s probably extra careful!
Post # 13
@kate169: DH and I are the same. I always say what’s on my mind or call him out if he’s done something to put me off, he on the other hand won’t. He sometimes won’t even call me out if I’m being a brat :). So I have to remind him to keep me in check and speak his mind. Otherwise, like you said, its bottled up until… BOOM!
Post # 14
We don’t really fight at all, except for when we drink which is very rare. We don’t bicker or get in little spats at all…so if we do fight, it’s a big one.
Post # 15
we definitely have disagreements which often times lead to fights. it’s been happening a lot lately (stress about the wedding!) but normally these issues pop up maybe once a month or so. we fight about stupid things – not getting home on time, forgetting to do something, etc. i’ll admit that it’s usually my doing. i’m kind of a troublemaker sometimes and get annoyed more often than he does… but i’m working on it!
Post # 16
i don’t think we’ve ever had a fight, and we’ve been together 7 years. He grew up in a household with a lot of yelling (his mom had an untreated mental illness) and he HATES HATES HATES it. We get frustrated with each other sometimes, of course, but we always talk it out. We’re both quite verbal, and he’s especially good at explaining what he’s upset about and listening to what I’m upset about.
It’s not fun and those conversations can be very tense, but I would not call them fighting. And we both always feel better and closer by the end of them.