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FI and I have never really had a fight... Maybe one or two mild disagreements, but we are REALLY good about talking through everything that is going on with our relationship.
We see each other every 3 months or so.
I don't really think there is any difference between when we are apart or together.
My SO and I do fight quite a bit at times when we are apart, and it does get really bad.
We do not fight when we're in person, (One or two squabbles but nothing major)
We see each other every 9-12 months.
We've been fighting quite a bit recently, and I'm not sure why. It's painful, really is, we get on so well normally.
My issue is I get down about the distance sometimes. I like to talk about my feelings. I told him today how it made me feel sad, and he just completely blew up on me, said if I felt that way, we shouldn't even be together, which hurt. He also said he didn't care about whether I trusted him or not and that he didn't care anymore what I thought.
Do you get down about the distance? Do you talk about it, or keep it to yourself?
Oh yeah, I get down about the distance quite often, especially on the weekends when my son is with his dad.
Normally, I would try to keep my feelings to myself, but FI wouldn't have that. I find often times when he gives up on trying to get me to talk, I just spill it,
He has a lot more experience with long distance than I do , so that helps.
Has he ever said things like that to you before? That is pretty messed up if you ask me.
Do you guys have a timeline for when you will get to be together full time?
@NehaPrasad92: My husband and I fight at times and it's always worse LD than in person. We've been in a LDR for 6+ years now and are still LD even now that we're married. We see each other maybe once a year (a few weeks out of the year if that). At some points, we'll fight about every 3 days at others we can go a few months or so without fighting. The fights are never anything too serious but mostly because we're not together. He's usually very busy (work, gym, training). When he finally gets a chance to relax and call me he's usually watching tv at the same time and he's horrible at multitasking so I can feel a bit ignored and that's normally how the fights start. We always talk through it though and we both know that it's the LD because there is never that problem when we're together.
The LD actually gets us both down at times, sometimes it hits him harder than me, but we never think about ending things just because of the distance (there would be too many what ifs or how would it be if) and we always talk openly about how we feel (which can be somewhat hard for him because he's what I call a "Mans Man" and learned at a very young age that men weren't supposed to share feelings).
Your SO’s response to you telling him your feelings doesn’t seem right. You should be able to talk to him about feeling sad that you’re not together or any other feelings you have (I would think he would be feeling the same). Isn’t that what a SO should be? Your best friend, the one person in the world who understands you and completely knows who you are, the one person who will always be there for you and be by your side.
@NehaPrasad92: When my FI and I lived 2 hours apart things were difficult. I know this is not like you and your fiance living in different countries, but with our schedules it was difficult to see one another. We really don't fight... we get in occasionally disagreements but always talk it out. With my ex I would go nuts and yell and scream and that was definitely the WRONG way to handle things! Now when we occasionally argue (maybe once every few months? a handful of times a year?) I let myself "cool off" for a bit and he always will realize what he did that was wrong and I am ready to calmly discuss at that point. Not that I don't ever do things wrong, but if I do I admit it right away before an argument could happen,lol!
@CholeLeAnn: He apologised for what he said, said he needs to try and talk about these things more often instead of bottling them up. Which I said I'll absolutely help him with it. He can be a little closed off at times, especially with topics like this which make him feel uncomfortable. Not to mention his home situation is a bit crap as well...
We have a timeline, we'll be long distance until he finishes his college (about three years from now) and he'll move over here whilst I'm doing my Masters and PhD. We'll get married and then once I'm done with all that, we'll move to America. Hopefully we might get engaged this summer but I don't really know. We always work things out, even when things go completely to shit (or almost to that stage!) We work things out.
I'm horrible in arguments because I'm so stubborn, but so is he. So it doesn't end well, unless one of us apologises first.
Anyone else want to chip in? :)
We really don't fight. Once in a great while we will have disagreements, but we always have to talk them out, on the phone. We text/IM a lot throughout the day, but talk on the phone at least daily. If we ever have anything serious to talk/disagree about, it is ALWAYS vie the phone and never via text/IM. Yes, I do get down about the distance sometimes, but I am able to talk it out with him. It is worse when we are apart, but again, we don't have a lot of disagreements.
We get to see each other on weekends, a couple times a month.
We don't fight that much. In 2011, we saw each other 3 times. 2 times were for 3.5 days each, and the 3rd time was for a week before I had to go to my duty station. We're getting married on paper when I get midtour leave, and then when I return stateside for good, we're having the actual ceremony and reception.
We fight more often when we're apart, but it's mostly due to the stress of the military and rarely seeing each other. Now that we have a relative idea of when we'll be together for good (minus deployments, etc) we don't fight at all. We just talk about the wedding and all the details, what our house/apartment will be like, how we'll decorate it, how excited we are to finally be able to be stationed together, etc.
The fighting definitely gets worse when we're together! But what's weird is I don't mind it all that much. It makes me feel good that we can be so open with each other when we don't talk all that much when we're apart. We had two pretty big arguments when I visited, but weirdly enough they reaffirmed my faith in our relationship.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand that's how I know he's the one ;) haha!
ETA: Last time we went 4 months without seeing each other, this time it will be a little under 3 months. We see each other for a week each time.
We fight alot more in person than we ever did over the net LOL
but its all good :) i like the make up dinners im cooked lol
Im in a LDR and I see my SO barely once a month. My SO and I use to fight all the time but I think it was due to the fact we were missing eachother and didnt know how to express it. Another reason we argues was because we would talk all day long I guess to make up the time we don't have in person. It was so bad that when we saw eachother our fighting would so kill the mood. But we had a sit down about it and express how we are feeling about the LDR and that its only temp and we need to enjoy the moment we were have with each. So we give each other space now because not enough space can cause fighting. And we try to make the LDR fun. You guys just have to keep in mind that it may be tough but you guys love each other and its only temp. I do get really bummed out sometimes about the LDR but I have to remember we are LD for a season I don't know what yours is but Im in a LDR because Im in school which is the bigger picture in the end. Another thing as women we handle things a little diffrent than men. We may cry but they may lash out with anger because they don't want to cry or express how they really feel. You should talk to him about it and how its not ok for him to hurt your feelings and try to find things to get your mind off the LDR and try to make it fun. When you talk to him make sure you go about it the right way it may be the way you talk to him that he go into emotionally over load We are in a better age these days we have skype and cellphones. Hope this help PM me if you need advice.
Im in a LDR and I see my SO barely once a month. My SO and I use to fight all the time but I think it was due to the fact we were missing eachother and didnt know how to express it. Another reason we argues was because we would talk all day long I guess to make up the time we don't have in person. It was so bad that when we saw eachother our fighting would so kill the mood. But we had a sit down about it and express how we are feeling about the LDR and that its only temp and we need to enjoy the moment we were have with each. So we give each other space now because not enough space can cause fighting. And we try to make the LDR fun. You guys just have to keep in mind that it may be tough but you guys love each other and its only temp. I do get really bummed out sometimes about the LDR but I have to remember we are LD for a season I don't know what yours is but Im in a LDR because Im in school which is the bigger picture in the end. Another thing as women we handle things a little diffrent than men. We may cry but they may lash out with anger because they don't want to cry or express how they really feel. You should talk to him about it and how its not ok for him to hurt your feelings and try to find things to get your mind off the LDR and try to make it fun. When you talk to him make sure you go about it the right way it may be the way you talk to him that he go into emotionally over load We are in a better age these days we have skype and cellphones. Hope this help PM me if you need advice.
I am in a LDR and my SO and I see each other roughly one weekend per month. We rarely fight, whether we are in the same city or far apart. I attribute this to our great communication skills. Things are just, how shall I put this, "easy", you know? It's just so easy to be in this relationship, no matter the distance. We always talk openly about things, and we feel free to express ourselves.
Now, in the past, I was in a LDR with a guy who I always fought with. I don't know why I ever put up with him for as long as I did, honestly. So dramatic, manipulative, needy and sometimes downright mean. Wow, how my eyes have been opened since I've had a man who cherishes and respects me, and loves me for all the right reasons!!
@NehaPrasad92: I see my fiance about as often as you do, and i think the stress of being so far apart and seeing eachother so infrequently for sure causes added stress to a relationship. So I wouldnt feel bad about it, happens to most imo
I'm a feisty capricorn! My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) and I argue quite a bit.. mostly because of me. I can't help it! Especially when I PMS haha. We hardly ever have major fights. When we do.. its usually me getting really upset (because he lied or something stupid) and then he spends the time trying to calm me down by overwhelming me with sweet things. (which pisses me off at first but I always give in.) Honestly, I'm very lucky. I can be a complete bitch, and if he wanted to call me names or something I would totally deserve it.. but he is a gentleman. We've been together for just about 4 years and he has never called me a mean name.. he always makes sure that he calms me down and things are good after that. We hardly ever fight when we are together but the distance isn't always an easy thing to handle. Just be open about your issues with eachother or else they will eat away at you. (Obviously I'm quite verbal with my man ahaha if something bothers me, he is the first to know.)
@NehaPrasad92: My BF and I aren't that far apart so we see each other about one weekend a month. Its hard but we make it work. We hardly ever fight because I'm a talker so I always try and express my feelings before they escalate and he is so lenient and relaxed that hardly anything bothers him.
What your SO said to you really shocked me. I know you said he appologized, but in my opinion, that's not enough. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship before my current one and I had a flashback to that when I read your story. It was LDR as well, because of school (like my current one), but we would fight ALL THE TIME. In fact, we broke up a few times and each time we mended our relationship, I thought it meant we were good together and strong and meant to be. I failed to see that it was really a sign of how unhappy we were. We weren't good for each other at all but I couldn't see that until I was finally free of him.
Now I'm not saying your SO is emotionally abusive! But I think maybe you should look deeper into your relationship and see if maybe there's any underlying issues besides simply he distance. I think, no matter how badly a couple fights, if they truly are happy and healthy, neither one of them should EVER threaten separation.
Good lucky with everything.
We were long distance for the first 1.5 of our now 11 year relationship.
Typically, one of us traveled every month. Only once were we unable to make this happen. But, depending on our schedules sometimes it was three weeks between visits and sometimes almost eight weeks (beginning of the month to the end of the next.)
Our fights were pretty predictable. If it was a time when we were apart for an extended period of time, we fought. If we had a really long weekend to see each other, we fought. It was like missing each other, adjusting to being commited without a physical connection, adjusting to being in the same space during visits, adjusting to separating again.
Then, the long distance was over and we fight maybe......once a quarter? Once every six months? And it's for about 10 minutes. We just don't fight that much.
Humm... Like once a month? I don't actually know. We never fight. But the few times we have are loud and def clearing the air.
Honestly? My FI and I pretty much never fight. Earlier in our relationship, maybe once a year. But now it's very rare, when we are in LD or not. We are pretty good at communicating everything before things ever blow up into an argument.
Sometimes I get touchy when it's that time of the month though haha. But it's never about anything worthwhile and he knows to watch out when I'm having that time of the month. Haha he is a very good sport.
We see each other maybe once every three months. But starting in may we won't be long distance anymore!! First time in our relationship of 4 years! So excited.
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For the Bees in long-distance - how often do you fight? Do you find the fighting gets worse when you're apart or with each other? How often do you get to see each other?