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Ok, I'm not going to lie. The DH and I had a big fight last night. We resolved it last night but that made me think.
How often do you get into big fights?
ETA: Just in case this gets heated, remember all relationships are different. Please keep that in mind if you disagree with something.
Thanks! :)
Do you mean big fight like lots of yelling and upsetness or fighting over a big issue?
We might have one once a month or so, but we don't really fight over "big issues."
FI and I rarely fight, but we have one reoccuring fight about a particular wedding guest, but now we thankfully have resolved that. Besides some wedding drama we dont really argue. We have very good communication and talk things through so I am thankful for that.
This is actually a topic of some pride for me an my FI. We are both stubborn people, and can be obnoxiously 'right' about everything. We used to fight more than a couple should...yelling and stressed out. Not over big things, just silly stuff. We put a rule into place about 3 months ago that if either one of us says "Stop, and walks away" the other is not to follow. Come back when your calm. So far, so good... most often when we are in the same room again (after a quick breather) we totally get how silly we were being.
I want to say maybe 1x a year for a big fight but since that issue was resolved we haven't had anything big enough to fester and get like that.
Me being 8wks preggers has definitely made things a little more stressful since I feel like poo most of the time, but we still don't usually fight or have any real pressing issues.
In our almost two years together now, we've had 4 or 5 major arguments, but we've always kept it respectful and never called names or yelled at each other. I didn't think that was possible before I met my fiance, so I am A-ok with our number.
My BF and I rarely fight, we do have disagreements but are able to squash them and move on. The only thing we can't seem to resolve is the issue I have with his parents leeching.. I know it's a sensative topic and I need to thread lightly.
We rarely have big fights, it's mostly little stupid arguments over small things that gets out of hand (like when we were packing to move and I felt like I was doing everything).
We've only every had one really ugly name-calling bad fight. Other than that our fights are always respectful even if they are a bit heated. They happen maybe 2 or 3 times a year. So, rarely.
Our fights are always respectful and there's no name calling. We give each other the silent treatment and by coffee time the next morning all is forgotten.
I define a big fight as one where I feel really bad the next day, or at least for a few hours that night. So, maybe once every other month? Just because I get easily stressed and take it out on FI. But it used to be once a week, so we're getting better ;)
I said every other month, but that's not accurate. I would say that most are hurt feelings and misunderstanding without any swearing. Usually words are said, we go off on our own for a bit and then come together and talk it out. We have only had one major arguement, and I think it was mainly due to wedding planning stress, just a week before the wedding. It was resolved the next morning, very short lived.
@yrret107: Weird, we had a big fight last night too! Our house has gotten really messy and I'm about to start my period which means I'm really stressed and I took it out on DH. I would say we have a "big" fight every other month or so. Usually it's about something stupid and it's just me yelling at DH because he is the person I take my stress out on! But we always resolve our fights very quickly (like within 30 mins max)
@PitBulLover: That is weird. Plus, I was on my period and I had been PMS before my period. I think the fight escalated when he said, 'Oh, is this because you are PMSing!' Oh, yeah, that was bad. LOL
@yrret107: Um, I am PMSing too! haha, and DH said the SAME thing and it escalated the fight too!
@PitBulLover: Yeah, I was about to be smart and tell him that PMS stands for PRE menstrual syndrome but I didn't. I was close, though. haha!
We have been fighting a lot more than usual lately. Our stress levels are up do to us buying a house, me going back to school and the EXTENSIVE recurring fight we keep having about his parents and how I'm not really talking to them and neither is he. We try to move on from all the issues with his parents and then they will do something else ridiculous.
They own the home we live in but were stuck here for a while longer before we can get into our house and this just continues to stress the both of us out.I'm really hoping that once we live in sufficient housing with no mold, leakage, dead mice or other parental ignorance we will be able to return to a fight free lifestyle.
I also feel like these threads never go well because 1. everyone defines fight differently and 2. because very few people ever want to admit they fight with their SO. Every single one of these threads I've ever read has stated that everyone on weddingbee never fights with their SO and everything is always completely amazing. I'm glad to see that other healthy couples have fights and have learned to move forward after them.
@MsBrooklynA: It's going fine so far.
I do think that what you consider a big fight is relative to your relationship.
@MsBrooklynA: I agree with that, that it usually seems that the majority of people will be like we never fight but maybe it's just that people don't want to admit it. I'm not ashamed that DH and I fight. We are human and it happens. We are always able to work through things and we love each other very much. As long as it's not an all the time thing, I think it's fine!
We fight a couple of times a year, but usually nothing major. Neither of us are very confrontational (although we can both be very passive aggressive). We both try really hard to see the other's point of view, which usually heads off a makor fight.
When we do fight, more often than not one of us will decide to take a timeout...we'll sit in separate rooms until we've cooled down and try to reapproach it calmly.
@yrret107: I'm not saying it's going bad or wrong I just think that overwhelmingly people comment more so on how their rarely/never fight unless the OP or a few PP's mention that they do. I think very few people want to admit that they do fight.
@PitBulLover: I agree. I think it is normal to lose your cool sometimes. I get confused sometimes at how people can never ever fight or have had 1 fight their whole relationship. I guess I lump bickering and disagreements into "fighting" but I think the Bee has a bad connotation of fighting.
@cherrydoll: Kind of in the same situation with my FIs Mom too. Thankfully, we have no extra money to give her and can't have any of her pets stay with us. We have both decided we can never have her stay with us (she is too emotionally draining and unstable).
We rarely fight and are both fairly open about anything bothering us. We've only had one seriously major fight in our relationship. We have disagreements, but they don't turn into shouting matches or cause either of us to sleep in the spare bedroom.
It depends on your definition of a fight. Mine is every time he gets frustrated with me so 2-3 times a week. His definition of a fight is getting so mad he stomps around and feels like yelling (which he never does yell) so maybe once a year. We view things completely different.
We rarely fight (I define fight as all out yelling at each other back and forth).
We do get into minor disagreements over silly things where one or both of us is frustrated (probably once every few weeks). But we don't let those things escalate to yelling and name-calling and such.
Probably once every couple of months. It's usually about the littlest thing, and it getsblow up. Usually on a day where we are both grumpy or tired to begin with.
When MIL was still an issue...every Tuesday. It was weird and coincidental but it seemed like every tuesday or at the most every other tuesday. It was terrible.
Now that MIL is not an issue? Meh...once a month? Usually during PMS. Although I feel like I get PMDD and should get checked out.
For me being an italian mexican with a hot temper.. we dont fight very often AT ALL... big arguments I would say once or twice a year ... we have been together 12 years.. so thats saying a lot. I think my husband understands that I am stubborn and I need for him to just say..OK. and let me have the last word. then within 20 minutes later..I will talk with him and we can revisit the argument and talk calmly.. usually we still disagree but at least it doesn't stay a war of the words.
I would say we've had about three big fights in our almost 4 years together.
It depends on what you consider fighting. We have disagreements where there is a small, reasonable amount of anger or hurt feelings once every other month or so. Usually this lasts for about 20 minutes while we calm down and then we discuss the issue. One thing that has helped us greatly is saying "I know where you are coming from, you feel like _________________________________". That way even if we don't agree I know he is hearing what I am saying and trying to see things from my side.
Big blow out fight, leaving the house, screaming, or taking hours to get over it? Now that wedding planning is over I estimate once every other year or so (about what it was before we got engaged). Wedding planning stress is something I never want to go through again! Like my sister told me, if you are able to get through wedding planning together your marriage will be just fine!
I voted once or twice a year. We dont usually get in fights that escalate.
We bicker A LOT, but I don't really consider that fighting. It's usually over little things and being with me running around the apartment yelling OMG WHY DO YOU NEVER HELP ME DO THE DISHES? or something equally ridiculous. We resolve those kind of arguments very quickly. :D
Big blow out screaming matches? We used to be once every other month, but have worked really hard to communicate better and are down to once or twice a year.
Once or twice a year. Usually springs from something idiotic his family has done. 
We rarely have, what I would call, big fights (I would define a big fight as screaming and/or crying). Before planning the wedding, we bickered, but had not had any big fights. The wedding (as is often the case) brought up a tonne of issues regarding family, expectations and money. lol So, it took a while to work through that stuff. We had a couple of big fights last fall.
Since the wedding, we've probably had 4 bigger fights...I've been out of work for a long time, stressed and we'd like to move and start a family; lots of topics to freak out about. It's also been difficult to combine families as our families are very different.
Now, we bicker a fair amount I'd say. My husband is not a yeller, but I am...when he yells, I know it's serious.
Our most recent bicker-fest was extremely stupid. I'm at the tail end of canning his family's pickle recipe and, after a night of working on it, none of the jars sealed. lol I lost my shit last night when we not only had to buy a new canning pot, but had to heat-process a whole bunch of jars again. He was very sweet and very calm. Me; not so much.
Haha, I'm in the minority here. We fight every week! There is always something that happens where we get pissed and have to take a time out and get ourselves together. We both are completely stubborn and get angry very easily. It's been like this for 3 years.... I wouldn't expect it to change just because we got married! Love it! And love how we make up! :) :) :)
Now thinking about it, we don't huge fights every week... that's probably once a month or so. But we have fights every week hands down. There's just no getting around it!
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