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I used to more, lately it's been rarely cuz my libido has been very low due to depression, stress, and winter. I always feel bad cuz I know my Husband wants to do it more and we should be doing it a lot more, I am just rarely in the mood.
Same here!!! Although this week I've been trying like crazy and got nowhere. I'm going winter camping for the weekend and told him this morning I expect to be ravished when I get home on Sunday, regardless of the state I'm in lol!!
This is TMI probably, but I'm peak of 'in the mood' during my period and he doesn't like it when I'm 'broken' as he says. That kinda sucks.
I'm a huge slacker in this department. I don't know why, but my energy and libido have really dropped recently and sex is the last thing on my mind. That, and our 'schedules' are totally off -- I don't want to do it in the morning when my breath is stanky and I'm groggy, and I don't want to do it right before bed when I'm exhausted, but those are the two times my FI always tries to get some.
I kinda feel like a fiancee failure with the lack of knocking boots...
For us is like a 60/40 he being the 60. I'm not exactly good initiating and altough he likes when I do it, I feel like I come out as awkward and forced.
for us it's usually me, he never initiates and it really annoys me, makes me feel unwanted to him.
Used to be 60/40 him initiating, but since I got pregnant I've been jumping him a lot more, so it's probably more like 60/40 me.
I have a hard time with questions like these because I don't really even know what "initiating" translates to.
I mean, if we're kissing and it starts getting more passionate and we end up having sex, who initiated? it's not like we have conversations where one of us says, "Would you like to have sex?" and the other answers yes or no
I guess when I'm more in the mood I'm more likely to do things like crawl into bed next to him and ask what he's doing (the bed is his makeshift office sometimes :), but again, does that mean I initiated?
Maybe I'm not complicated enough for the question, lol.
Well we have been together now for almost 3 years, and for the first year and a half it was usually me who would initiate. He often felt too shy to initiate, that it wasn't 'okay' for him to want sex, due to issues in his previous relationship. We talked through that though, and since we moved in together a year and a half ago he has become much better at initiating. So now it's probably closer to 50/50.
It's almost ALWAYS him, but the last month I have been making an effort. He has been teasing that my effort is something to the effect of:
me: Wanna do it?
him: Hockey's on.
me: Meh. Okay.
him: You're not going to try again, are you?
me: Nope.
him: Okay. Let's go!
So next step is seducing. Baby steps!
The first 2 years of our relationship, it was ALWAYS me for everything. I was his first girlfriend, so he never really knew how to go for it with kissing, sex, etc. It got to be really frustrating because he would never even kiss me deeply without me doing it first, so we talked about it and I explained to him that it made me feel like he didn't want me when he never initiated. Looking back, I think it was mostly just the living situation: we started dating in college, and we never had the place to ourselves.
Once we moved in together, our sex life changed a LOT for the better and now I'd say it's about 50/50, maybe with a little more on him since there's a week every month right before my period where I'm practically asexual.
@takemyhand: LOL I love your answer.
I'd say we're about 50/50. I am pretty straightforward when I want it. I just say something like, "Hey, you should come in the bedroom with me" or "Hey, take off your pants." Anything else feels awkward and forced to me. But he loves being the seducer, so there's plenty of times he initiates with little kisses and touches, too. It's a nice system :)
I feel like a bad girl because its all me. I want it all the time. FI is 7 years older then me n he said that his sex drive is lower now but i am just hitting my peak. I must add we been together for 4 years and the 1st year it was all him but the roles have changed.
I said 50/50 but usually it is me, I feel like he doesn't want to be pushy, but I would prefer if he did more often so I don't feel pushy....but alas, a girl does what she has to do!
@Snow00774: "broken" - lol thats why my guy calls it too, and sex during is a huge no-no in his book.
Most of the time I'm the one that gets things started, sometimes being sexy and really working at getting him in the mood (candles, a massage) othertimes its basicly "I wanna take care of something in the bedroom, you should help" LOL
When we first got together, I was jumping him ALLLL the time, to the point were I had to tell him he needed to start doing things to me. I was starting to feel like a live in rapist lol. But he loves it and is learning that I LOVE it, so its okay :)
Now days I would say its 60- 40% I get the balls rolling (sorry, couldn't resist)
@JessieK: Haha @ "Live in rapist". I feel like that most of the time...
I would say I would initiate 90-95% of the time which kinda sux, he rarely turns me down (maybe once or twice) but he doesn't initiate unless I have already made it clear I'm good to go ie dirty msgs during the day or a dirty comment while we are out - so in that case I guess it could be said I initiated then too hahaha. It used to bug me but now I am just like pffft if I want it I am just gonna start cos if I waited for him it wouldn't be too often hahaha
I used to alot and now i rarely do. I dont care about it if i'm feeling depressed. So ya...the winter is never fun haha.
I prob initiate the most and physically - my SO will say "you fancy some dirty time?" Whereas I use a more physical approach
I rarely initiate because he always wants to do have sex! My sex drive isn't top notch since I'm on the pill, but even when I do want to initiate, I really have to sneak it in between all the times he's trying to initiate, haha!
Most of the time one of us will waltz out of the shower naked, go up to thr other and say 'wanna do it?'. Yeah, we are sooo romantic lol
I do sometimes. He is usually the first to try. I hardly ever turn him down, so it's not like I don't want to try. He just beats me to it. The only time I've said no is if I was really, really sick (because I've done it when sick) or I was so tired I couldn't stay awake.
My fiance wants me to but at the same time he doesn't want to feel like i'm pushing it on him. So its a difficult science. I hint at it... When he hints back.. i initiate. But then other times he just does it. Sometimes his hints are when i least expect it so i have to sit there and figure out if he's just being nice or he has something else on his mind. I wish he'd just do it instead of waiting for me. but i know he's thinking the same thing. I have a higher sex drive then him. sometimes he'll go a week other times he cant go one night.
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Just curious! I know my FI LOVES it when I initiate but I don't do it as often as I should.. I'm probably under the "sometimes" option. I think it's the fear of rejection even though he never says no to sex... ESPECIALLY if he gets to be what we affectionately call "dead fish." :)