Post # 1
How often do each of you go out on your own (not as a couple) to hang out with your friends?
I ask because DH goes out at least once a week and I don’t have an issue with that.
I will be honest, I start to have an issue when it sysrts to become 3 to 4 times a week. We got into a little tiff last night about it bc he thinks I am overreacting and I shouldn’t bc its not like its every week. This week, he went out yesterday, it was a last minute thing. He shares an office with his bestfriend, so making plans are bound to happen on a whim. Then he came home and told me his friend got tickets to a game, so he is going to that tonite. And then Thursday he is going out again with his cousin.
Maybe its my PMS but I am annoyed.
Post # 3
I’d definitely be annoyed too. I mean, sure, occasionally weeks are going to happen like that but when it starts to occur several times a month then it’s an issue. DH started to do that a few years ago. So I added up how much he had spent going out with his friends. I showed him that had he limited to one time a week he could have had this big ticket item he had wanted. He wasn’t happy with himself so now he rarely goes out. For my dh, I know I can get his attention through his pocketbook.
Post # 4
@tksjewelry: +1. There will be occasional weeks like that but I wouldn’t deal well with one of those weeks more often than every 5 or so weeks.
@Daizy914: Nope not PMS, not unreasonable at all! My FI and I tiffed over this a several months ago, during the beginning of fantasy football. Since then he has kept it in check. But I know we’ll go through it again next fall with the start of football. Outside of that he will have busy social weeks here & there but we keep a good balance for the most part and it’s not a source of friction.
Post # 5
@tksjewelry: i was thinking about doing the add up thing. How long did you do it for before ypu showed it to him?
@vess5: thanks for your response.
DH says its not that often but it happens more than I want to put up with. Every few weeks, no problem but every other week? I dont like it. I feel like “what about spending time with me”
Post # 6
@Daizy914: To be honest, almost never. We socialize as a couple between 1 and 5 times per month depending on our mood and what’s going on. We also spend a ton of time with my siblings. Sometimes he will go off golfing with my brother while I hang out with my SIL but I still consider that couple stuff.
I’m sure a bazillion people will tell me I’m controlling and this is unhealthy…except it’s a mutual decision and not something I force on him. We both prefer it this way. When we aren’t at work, we prefer to be together. 10+ hours a day apart for work is more than enough for us.
Post # 7
Like once or twice a week….every two weeks or so…maybe?? we often socialize as a couple, since we are still newlyweds. He’ll occasionally go hang without me with some mutual friends or his brother, which is fine. But its not like every night of the week, which I would find annoying tbh.
Post # 8
@Daizy914: it varies, some weeks I feel like he won’t even leave the house and others it seems like I never see him! He probably goes out with his friends exclusively a few times per month and we do couple things a few times a month. A lot of our social calendar revolves around sporting events and the season– so it always feels really “blah” right now with cold, smushy weather and no football!
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
FI will see his friends often once a week without me BUT I am always invited and very welcome to be there. I usually decide not to go because they’ll go out after work and I feel too exhausted. I’m also just much less social and sometimes preffer the time alone. It’s much less often that I am out with friends without FI because none of my friends live in the same city as me. So over holidays or whenever I’m back in my home town I spend a lot more time with friends. Occasionally a friend will come visit me (1-2/year) and I will spend the weekend hanging out with them. More often we socialize as a couple. Most of FI’s friends are married so we are often getting together with other couples.
Post # 10
We live 8 hours away from our friends. So… Pretty much never!
When we visit Vermont I plan a girl’s night with my friends, and when we’re in New York he generally goes to the casino with his guy friends. But that’s abut it!
Post # 11
We rarely socialise without each other. But I have a couple of evenings a week when I am out doing hobbies. Dancing one night Archery the other. Those nights DH always says he will swim….but ususally stays home. If we are out socailly its usually togther.
Post # 12
@MrsPanda99: This is us too.
I would be extremely annoyed if DH were gone 2-4 nights a week. Not only do I enjoy spending time with him, but we have a house to take care of and i have 2 kids that love him to death and want to spend time with him.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
Once a week, sometimes once every other week. Most of our friends are other couples, so we love hanging out with the group or going on double-dates. I LOVE having girls’ nights, though, and DH likes going out with the guys a couple times a month.
Post # 14
@Daizy914: a month. It didn’t take long to add up to that big tool thingy he wanted. I’d say the month I put up with it was well worth it in the long term. A week or two the numbers don’t really have the same impact as a month or two’s.
Post # 15
Once a week or so, usually. He has a standing Wednesday night date with a buddy of his – Indian buffet and games (CCGs, board games or minis games). I started taking a class on Thursday nights and I’m starting to become friendly with the people there.
Post # 16
@Daizy914: I see my girls, one on one maybe 1-2x a month. Same with him and his guys. We live far away from our friends though. I have also stolen his guy friends wives as my friends as well so most of the time we all hang out together or the guys do something and us girls go do something. Which reminds me, I need to write one of the wives back! Oops!
I would be a little upset if DH went out several times a week. We had that issue in the past when I worked weekends. He made plans every weekend with his friends. Then I got a day off and he was like oh…. Then I got a job that I didnt work weekends, it was great for me but it took him some time to get used to it. Good and bad, he was so used to being alone on the weekends that he just made plans without thinking. He was glad he got to spend time with me but it was an adjustment. I used to get so pissy when I had to spend my days off without him cause he was with his guys. Its all different now!