Post # 1
I am using DH’s last name socially, but didn’t assume his or change it legally. I find I don’t really end up using his very often!
If you are using your spouse’s last name socially, what kinds of situations does that include?
For me, it’s mainly mail (mostly cards) and weddings. On FB I have both last names to make it easy for people to find me.
Post # 3
I use his on xmas cards and RSVP’s as well. One time I RSVP Mrs. this and Mr. That and they were puzzled so from that time on, I use his for stuff like that and on FB because I don’t want people to find me LOL. If they call me Mrs. That, I don’t mind and I don’t correct people but I don’t introduce myself as Mrs. that.
Post # 4
I thought I might use his name socially when we first got married. But, as it turns out, I hardly ever do. The situation rarely comes up. In our circles, most women don’t change their names, or the couple will hyphenate both names. Because the situation is so rare, it seems really strange when it happens, so I will often correct them while at the same time saying I don’t really mind what they call me.
The only times it ever seems to come up is occasionally for mail family weddings (only on my side of the family, not his), and sometimes with Christmas cards and things.
I also thought that if we have kids, they would get his name. I’m changing my mind on that. They will probably have two last names or a hyphenated name.
Post # 5
I’ve taken my husband’s last name, but honestly I have been married almost a year and have used it almost never lol. I’ve signed a few things with it, but in terms of social situations… I think that may have come up only once, if that.
Post # 6
I have a friend who took her husband’s name “socially.” Legally, her name is still her maiden name, Jane Ann Smith (not her real name). At work, she is known as Jane Smith. Her driver’s license and Social Security card read Jane A. Smith and Jane Ann Smith. Her bank accounts, car title, and deed to her house, all use her maiden name.
But she goes by Jane Jones most of the time she isn’t at work. Her Facebook says Jane Smith Jones. Her personal e-mail is [email protected] (the X’s stand for a bunch of numbers). If she meets someone new, she introduces herself as Jane Jones. She signs her Christmas cards as “John and Jane Jones.” If she orders something online or from a catalog, she might use either name…even though the credit card has her maiden name on it. As she says, “As long as they get paid, no one cares what name is on the check.”
It seems to work for her, for the most part. There is some confusion when people don’t realize she is known as Jane Smith at work, but after people get to know her, they seem to get it. Her coworkers know her husband and recognize Jane Jones as her name, but her clients only know her as Jane Smith.
I actually still refer to her as Jane Smith, not because I know her through work (I don’t), but because I’ve known her since high school and still think of her as Jane Smith. But I still think that way about most of my high school friends that are married. But If I need to write her name on something, or refer to her by name, I will use Jane Jones.
Having kids though, might change things for her. She and her husband plan to give any future children his last name. She had planned to keep using her name the way it is, but is now considering changing her legal last name to Smith Jones or Smith-Jones when they have children, because she is worried about having problems if she uses Jane Jones on her children’s medical and school records, when that isn’t her legal name.
Post # 7
@Neva: Is your friend me? LOL! That is exactly what I have been doing thus far. I might just keep using it socially until we start TTC (a few years down the road).
Post # 8
@AB Bride: My FMIL chose to not change her name when she married. From her experience, I think using it “socially” didn’t really kick in until she had children and they became a family unit that included children with her husband’s last name. Interacting with teachers, etc she was often addressed (and did not correct) as “Mrs. FI’sLastName”.
Post # 9
I hyphenated, and socially, I choose to go by Mrs. Hislastname. But legally, which is 99% of my life, I am Mrs. Herlastname-Hislastname. Which is so tough! Everyone has me as either Maiden or Married – its rare that I can get someone to use both names, unless I set up the account. For instance, college has me as hyphenated officially, but my logon ID for the online clases is maiden. Insurance is hyphenated, but thats an issue in and of itself, since it’s Tricare.
The worst is that banks won’t cash checks made out to Firstname Hislastname, since that’s not my legal name. So when we got married, it was a fight to get our wedding presents cashed!!!
Post # 10
@Neva: That’s basically what I’ve tried to do, but I find it just doesn’t come up very often. When I sign a card, I don’t usually put my last name. Same when I introduce myself to someone.
When I order something, I do get it to match my ID. Usually they want your name as it’s written on a credit card anyway.
I’m just a little disappointed that there aren’t many situations where I use DH’s name! lol Taking it on socially seemed like a fairly big decision and it’s turned out to not really be used!
Post # 11
I know a friend who’s mom mostly went by Dr. hermaidenname for work and legally, however we all caller her Mrs. friendslastname simply becuase it was easier to have his parents be Mr & Mrs onelastname. So, it could come up more when you have children?!?
Post # 12
@DEBeachGirl: I’m not sure if that ‘when’ will happen
You’re right though, it probably is used more if children come into the picture.