(Closed) How often does your MOH bail out on wedding things?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

To be honest, it never even occured to me to have my MOH (and I have 2!) to check out venues with me – just my fiance and me.  And I think it’s few and far between to find people that would enjoy & willing check out templates for someone else’s wedding!!!  I didn’t even want to do it for my own!  In my opinion you may be asking a bit much

That said, you have whatever expectations you have.  All you can do is talk to her about it and see where the 2 of you agree and what she’s willing and able to help out with.  I personally expected basically nothing.  My 2 MOH (my bff & my sister) helped with nothing, went shopping for nothing, planned nothing.  They bought their dress, and I was happy as a clam.  Now as long as they show up in 2 wks for the ceremony I’ll give them each a gold star=)

Post # 4
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you might be disappointed a lot. My MOH didn’t go to my venue with me or to pick out any of my vendors. That’s what my then FI (now husband) is for. It’s our wedding, and no one will ever be as excited about your own wedding as you will be. My MOH also got married 2 weeks before me, so we did share a lot of our vendor information, but we hardly went to things together. If you’re expecting her to be there for all of that, you might want to let her know as I wouldn’t expect that being a MOH in anyone’s wedding.

Post # 6
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m going to echo what the previous two posters said: No one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you and your partner are. And that’s OK. That’s actually how it should be. If you’re at the point where you’re making definite wedding plans, then it may be time to pick your bridal party. Make sure to clearly communicate your expectations. Bridesmaids duties range from simply standing next to you during the ceremony to buying a dress/helping with diy projects/ hosting showers and parties/etc. Personally, I will probably only ask my maids to help with day-of duties.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Since you haven’t told her she’s MOH, how can you expect anything of her? Of course she won’t be thinking about your bridal shower yet if she doesn’t know you will ask her to be MOH and plan one! 

Also, how do you know where your bridal shower will be if you haven’t picked BMs yet? I think if you expect them to eventually plan it, maybe you should leave it up to them. Depending on their budgets and the amount of planning they want to do, they might want to choose another venue. 

When you do ask her to be MOH, I wouldn’t expect her to help plan the wedding (especially stuff like looking at invite templates). I would talk to her about what you both think the role entails and come to a general understanding so neither of you is disappointed. 

Regarding getting caught up in the hype – some girls have super-involved MOHs or BMs because their friend happens to be interested in weddings, party planning, or arts and crafts. Most of us aren’t in that situation, so no need to stress 🙂

Post # 8
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My MOH is completely MIA. She lives in another state and I understand her not being able to come to any events. But I was the MOH in her wedding and I flew out a week before her wedding to make sure I could attend her Bachelorette and Bridal shower and Rehearsal. I havent spoken to her since wedding in November. She was so rude and such a bridezilla, I was completely disrespected at her wedding. I even had to be DD the entire week I was there bcause I dont drink and she wanted to get wasted.

She never thanked me for flying out early, missing a weeks worth of work, missing 2 finals for school, paying for plane ticket, all my meals while I was out there, all her gifts (bridal shower, lingerie party, wedding gift) and she didnt even want to take me to the air port the day after the wedding, she had her mom do it.

She called me for the first time since November last week asking me when the Save the Dates were coming out and how much it would cost. I was so mad. STD’s went out months ago and everyone but her received theres. Even my brother who is in Afghan got his. I told her I didnt have any more, so I had to email her the information and travel arrangements. I havent spoken to her since.

Post # 10
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My MOH has been pretty awesome. She looked at dresses with me and spent a whole day driving to my semi-destination location to meet with florists and bakers and to see the sites.

However, I completely worked around her schedule on these things, and have asked her to do very little else. My suggestion is that if you want help with planning and making decisions, you both need to work together to schedule things. She’ll appreciate it and she’ll be much more likely to attend if you schedule together.

And pay for lunch/dinner when you do wedding things. It will show how appreciative you are, and make these outings more fun.

Post # 11
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you might be expecting a lot, considering she doesn’t know yet.  My MOH is my sister and I haven’t even asked her to do those things with me.  The way I see it, maid of honor =/= wedding planner.  Her job is to wear a dress, show up on time, and smile when she walks down the aisle in front of me.  Anything else she wants or offers to do is a bonus.

Besides, if she is going to throw you a shower, she gets to decide/envision how it will look.  That’s the fun part!

Post # 13
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The duties of a MOH, in the absence of prior agreement, are to show up on the day, wear what you tell her to, and be generally supportive.  They do not include anything before the day:  shower, bachelorette, dress shopping, venue visiting, etc.

If you want more than that, you can discuss it with your prospective MOH when you ask her.  However, that does mean that you have to be prepared for her to say that she does not have the time/money to do what you want her to do, and therefore to decline being your MOH.

And please do not invite anyone to be your MOH if your desire for her to serve is going to depend on changing relationships, etc.  Your MOH should be someone that you have a long-standing and stable relationship with.  If you pick someone who does not fall into that category, you will end up with drama in your wedding party.

Post # 15
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can completely relate!  the girls in my wedding party are very dear to me, but i was somewhat surprised to see they had little interest in doing things that i thought would be fun to do together.  i don’t think its anything personal, i have just come to realize that its true, not many people care about your day as much as you and your fiance do! 

Post # 16
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well I’ll just agree with the others.  If it helps, I would say think about when you want to ask the BP.  If you want to wait, that’s fine.  But until you ask the BP, don’t expect anyone to offer to help with stuff, or necessarily ask about stuff.

If I was a friend and was unsure if I’d be in someone’s wedding party, I would maybe ask about the wedding once or twice.  But I’d purposely try to be zen about it, because I wouldn’t want to make things awkward by talking about it, if she wasn’t planning on asking me. 

And I don’t think 2dbride was saying the MOH was “serving you”.  I think she was refering to the act of “serving as MOH”.

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