(Closed) How old should ringbearers and flowergirls be?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I guess it depends on the kid. Most 1.5 year olds I know would be intimidated by the large crowd, music, and wedding-related hub-bub. I also picture the mother trying to to coerce the kid to walk down the aisle without getting distracted or scared. I think it’s better when the focus can be on the bride…

But, while I love kids, I’m skipping the whole ring bearer/flower girl thing completely, so maybe I’m biased? Either way, I would pick someone old enough to do the job and mature enough to realize what’s happening.

Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

I think the conventional wisdom is that they should be between 4 and 8 years old.  Maybe you could include a 3-year-old, but, at that age, they’d probably need to be accomanied by an adult down the aisle.

I haven’t ever seen a wedding party including an 18-month-old in a wedding party…..but that sure doesn’t mean it’s never been done.  πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My daughter who is my flower girl is 3 years old.  I’m worried she will get clingy to me in the back of the church and not walk down.  All I could do is hope for the best, and I am hiring a babysitter to wisk her away if she gets to cranky during the mass.  I also need a backup to in case we have to walk/drag/carry??? her down the aisle.  Now my nephew who seems really shy, walked down the aisle when he was about 1 1/2 – 2.  So I say go for it, have a backup plan, and keep your fingers crossed!!!

Post # 6
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

If you really want them involved (niece or nephew or someone equally close), they could be the "honorary" ring bearer or flower girl and their parent or your parents, whomever they are comfortable with, could carry them or walk them down the aisle.

They would still be cute and dressed up, but you wouldn’t have to worry so much about them not doing it or being scared of the crowd.

I think 1.5 might be too young for them to do it on their own.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

A great question! I was worried on the other side – my niece will be almost 9 so i thought that might be too old. 

I have been to weddings where the little kids can’t get down the aisle – one parent even tried puttinga  toy at the end to coax him down – and this ws just for the rehearsal! I think at any age under 5, you should just be prepared for them to get really freaked out and not go, stop and sit down in the middle of the aisle, etc.  Kids are kids.  1.5 seems really young to walk and will likely need someone to hold their hand down the aisle.

If you think this will be funny/cute – go ahead.  If you will be mortified if this happens you might want to reconsider.  In any event, they will need a parent minder.

Also, make sure there is a plan for them to be seated! My niece was in a wedding at age 5 and stood with the bridesmaids.  Well, after 5 minutes she started dancing, talking to the bridesmaids, and then to the bride herself – before my poor brother got up and whisked her away…..

Post # 8
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I agree – kids between 4 and 8 are most willing to wear the cute outfits, walk where they are supposed to, stand still, be quiet – etc etc.  I also think the ‘cute’ things kids do defintitely adds to the personality of the ceremony.  I love watching the little ones!  I was 5 when I was a flower girl and I still hear the stories about how I sucked my thumb the entire way down the aisle.  Also I was told to be quiet up front – which I was – but I was learning how to count and apprarently I was standing up there counting the pews rows – silently – but I was mouthing the numbers and pointing to each pew as I counted.  So really – kids will be kids – just be prepared for that!

Then you get boys who are 6 – 7 – 8 and there’s NO WAY they’ll put on a suit πŸ™‚   You just never know!

Some of the younger ones may walk down the aisle – then go sit with their parents.   Also the younger ones may be more willing when they are accompanied by their older siblings.  I’ve also seen a 3 year old flower girl walk up the aisle with her mom who was a bridesmaid – she just wouldn’t do it by herself.

I’ve also seen really young ones (under two) pulled in a decorated wagon.  That way they are part of the ceremony – but they just have to sit there.  I think an older ring bearer pulled the wagon.  Or maybe an adult pulled it up the aisle.  It’s an option if you really want the 18 month old in the wedding.  Or you can just dress the baby up real cute and include her/him as the flowergirl/ring bearer in pictures.  Kinda of an honorary position πŸ™‚

The moral – I don’t think there is a prefect age πŸ™‚ 

Post # 9
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My flowergirl will be 10, which is a little old, I guess, but I think all little girls should have the chance to be a flowergirl, and she is soooo excited. On the other end of the spectrum, my girlfriend had a flowergirl that was 18 months, and was pulled in a decorated wagon down the aisle…very cute. At my SIL’s wedding this past summer, they strategically positioned parents and grandparents along the aisles to persuade the flower girl(2yrs old). As she hesitated, the next person would call her to them. It took her awhile, but she eventually got down the aisle, and she’s as shy as they come.

Oh, and my "ring bearer" is 20!

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee

We originally had 1 jr ring-bearer who was 1.5 years old, one flowergirl who was also 1.5 years gold and 1 ring-"master" (as he called himself) that was 5 years old.  The ringmaster was perfect – no problem with him walking down the aisle.  The jr ringbearer didn’t make it but the flowergirl did.  If you don’t mind the fact that the younger kids might back out last minute – then go for it b/c when they do make it down the aisle – they are the cutest thing EVER.

Post # 11
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

The popular thing I’ve seen at a few recent weddings is to pull the smaller child down the aisle in a decorated wagon, and it’s totally cute.  This is a good idea for any child that’s under the age of 3.  The wagon was either pulled by an older flowergirl/ringbearer or one of the BMs/GMs.

So I don’t think there’s an age limit.  You just have to be prepared in case they get freaked out.  At the rehearsal, there’s no audience, it’s different on the day of the wedding where there’s 200 people staring back at you!

Definitely agree to not make the kids stand up there with the adults.  Once they make it down the aisle and your photog gets the great shots of them, let them sit in the front row with relatives.

Post # 12
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

our ring bearer is my littlest brother, who’s 11… so he’s a bit old. but i didn’t want anyone else. πŸ™‚ our flower girl is 7… perfect age, i think!

my opinion is as long as you’re ok with the fact that things can go wrong last minute with young FG/RB, then go for it. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2008

My Ring bearer (my newphew) was 2. I had him walk down with my husband. For some odd reason my newphew has taken a huge liking to my husband, so we told him he needed to be his helper for the ceremony. He did great! Stood by his side the entire ceremony. Looked so cute in his tux too!

Post # 14
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Have who ever you want, no matter the age!  Just be aware that you may need to be flexible.  If an 18 month old doesn’t want to walk down at the last minute, no pressure, just skip that part and move on.

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My sister in law had her nephew, who was 20 months, be ring bearer.  He literally threw himself down on the aisle and started to scream at the number of guests.

 My fabulous nephew will be 22 months at my wedding, and I think it’s just too young to attempt.  Less than two is a toddler!  We have my fiance’s cousin, who is 4, and he’ll be great,  with the requirement that we call him "Ringmaster" because there are no bears involved πŸ™‚  That’s old enough to be trusted with something as important as  our rings, and to understand the sanctity that I’d like our wedding ceremony to have.

Post # 16
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

The real issue is that at 18 months, or 2 years, or even 3 years, they just don’t understand what you’re asking them to do, and that’s the biggest reason you can’t actually count on them to do it.  Also in the latter part of that age group they often hit a shy age, where  a kid who was really outgoing a few months before now just wants to hide behind mommy whenever there is a strange adult around.  Obviously in that case you’re not going to get them to march up the aisle in front of 200 strangers.

The best advice here is the part about being flexible.  You can pick a darling niece or nephew who looks to be great for the part, and have them freak out about the number of people in the church and end up in tears.  By around the age of 4 they become fairly reliable – able to understand what’s going on and remember their part in the proceedings without being prompted, and usually past any extreme shyness.  Earlier than that its sort of a crapshoot!!

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