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How old were you....please make me feel better...I'm down today

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
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    Busy bee
    pec1216       Alabama

    Lately I have been questioning what people will think of BF and I getting engaged soon...we are both 22 and know that we want to marry each other so that's not a question. I don't know if it's because I'm the oldest child & grandchild but my family seems unprepared for me to be engaged. I mentioned something to them last week about one of my friends being married already and their response was "I didn't realize she was that much older than you?" She's only 23! Albeit I am still in school and won't graduate for a couple of years but I'm working full time and have a license in what I do so it's not like I'm a part time student and worker...I work 7:30-4:30 M-F and go to school M-Th 5-9...both full time!

    So just to ease my mind or maybe not, how old were you....

    Started dating, engaged, and then married???

    I don't think we're crazy for wanting to be married next year but maybe I'm wrong...

    Oh and to top off my anxiety my mom is going to be meeting his parents and grandparents for the first time tonight! Awesome!

     
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    Helper bee
    ebs1123    July 9, 2010   Omaha NE

    Not crazy - if you know it's right, you know.

    We met at 16, dated ever since and got engaged at 23. When we get married, we'll both be 24. At least in our area of the country, we're actually slow to get married since we didn't do so right after college.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    mary-alice-me    May 24, 2009   Kentucky

    You're young! Although when I was 18 my grandparents told me that they won't give me birthday presents anymore, but they will give me anniversary presents. Talk about weird pressure!

    I was 25 when we met, 28 when we married. I was a month shy of 27 when we got engaged.

    The timeline is different for everyone. If you meet the right person young, all the better.

     
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    Helper bee
    LacyLust    May 21, 2011   Ohio

    We started Dating when I was 17. We dated 5 1/2 years before we were engaged (this past August) I'm now 23. We will be getting married in Spring of 2011. I will be 24. I think it all depends on you and where you are in life. I will be done with school next month. We both have good full time jobs & have just purchased our first home. We will be beyond ready come May 2011!!

     
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    Bee Keeper
    KMSull    August 7, 2010   Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    I'm 23 now, and we'll be engaged in February, married in August when I'll be 24 (my birthday is May 2). When its right, it's right, and as long as you go into it with both eyes open and realize that it's GOING to be hard, you'll be fine.

    I feel like so many people who get engaged/ married young (including myself) expect it to be SO EASY because their relationship doesn't have the problems that everyone else's does and that they're different. Life has a funny way of handing you problems you don't expect and they always seem to affect relationships the worst.

     
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    Bumble bee
    bvig    September 2009   wedding in NJ

    We met at 22 (We're the same age)

    Started dating at 23 or 24

    Engaged at 27

    Married 28

     
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    Busy bee
    lolaj       Queens, NY

    Well we started dating when we were juniors in college and now I am 27 and he is 26. We have been together for 4.5 years and we only moved in together 9 months ago. Mind you we are not engaged yet.

    Every relationship is different. i know people that got married when they were 23 and I know people that are 30 and not engaged.

    If you guys feel that this it then who cares what anyone else thinks. If you want to get married now and that's what makes you happy then go for it because in the end you have to live your own life for yourself not for anyone else.

    Your family will come around once they see that you are happy.

     
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    Abilee    5.21.2010   Youngstown, Ohio

    When it's right, you just know. There's no other way to explain it than that.

    My fiance and I had only dated for 5 months when we got engaged. We'll have been engaged for a year and a half by the time the wedding rolls around. And when we get married, I'll be 27 and my fiance will be 30. I guess we're not exactly considered young, though we're certainly not old.

    Even if your parents seem resistant at first, they'll come around once they realize how happy you are and that you really are a responsible adult.

     
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    Newbee
    BriarRose0708    7/24/2010   Michigan

    We started dating when I was 20 (he's 2 years older).

    Engaged when I was 23.

    And I'll be 25 when we get married in July.

     
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    Bee Keeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

                          Me    Him

    Met                 18      21

    Engaged          22      25

    Married            23      26

    My parents are still getting used to me being married. It takes time because i'm the oldest daughter and also, now the only child. So just move on with your life, what you want to do, and they'll get used to it. They may "never" be ready

     
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    Busy bee
    missrain    January 2, 2010   Austin

    We started dating when I was 23 and he was 25. We were engaged after I turned 24 and he turned 26, and we will be those ages when we get married on January 2nd!

    I echo what the others have said: it all depends on the people and where they are in life. We specifically are waiting until he finishes school to marry, but we didn't wait til then to get angaged.

    I read a statistic recently that 25 is the median age most women marry for the first time. That number has been rising steadily, but it's not all that far off from where you are. Do you still live at home? I know my parents had a hard time coming to grips with my adulthood until I was living on my own and financially independent. Even then, if you are the eldest child that's going to be a big adjustment to them. Is this your first serious relartionship?

     
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    Honey bee
    krissybee    October 15, 2011   :: chicago IL ::

    Started Dating / together since : me = 16  him= 17

    Got engaged : me = 26   him= 26

    Wedding Day : me= 28  him = 29

     
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    Sugar bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    Started dating: Me 20, Him 22

    Engaged: Me, 24, Him 26

    Getting married: Me, 27, Him 28

     
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    Helper bee
    The immigrant bride    June 25, 2010   Santa Barbara, CA/Los Angeles, CA

    Started dating: me=23 him=25

    Got engaged: me=24 him=25

    Wedding day: me=25 him=26

     
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    Busy bee
    SoonToBeMrs.Kiss    June 11, 2011   Central Pennsylvania

    We met when I was 10 and him 12, started officially dating when I was 18 and him 19, and got engaged when I turned 22 and him 23. He is 24 now, and will be when we get married, and I will be 23.

     
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    Busy bee
    pec1216       Alabama

    Thank you all for your advice and kind words.

    @missrain- I live with my grandparents because of their age they needed some help. I could afford a house and have looked at several but every time I mention moving out they pitifully ask if they have done something wrong....how do you respond to that? This will be my second serious relationship, the first one they thought I was going to marry but we just weren't meant to be. My family loves BF and knows that I'm going to marry him; I think it's just hard for them to realize that I'm grown.

     
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    Sugar bee
    Tanya123      

    We met when I was 23.  Got engaged just before 24.  Got married at 25. 

    You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.  Goals , job, etc.  And if you get engaged at 23, you probably won't get married until what, 24?  That doesn't seem too young to me.  But I don't know you or your family or bf.  And they know you pretty well.  Have you talked to them to see if there is some other reason behind this, they feel you aren't ready to marry.  Parents are a hard read sometimes.  (Although I'm not sure this is coming from your parents.)  But generally parents want what's best for their children.  So it's a good idea to consider what they have to say.  Unless you ahve rotten parents, you probably won't find anyone else who is much on your side as your parents.  ON the other hand, sometimes they can lose perspective, and not realize (in protectng and making sure their kids have a good life) that you've grow and can actually make good choices for yourself. 

    It's a blancing act.  Have an open convo with them.  And tell them the ways in which you area prepared for marriage.  I know you're 23.  Maybe you feel like you shouln't have to explain things.  But I think it will look like the mature thing to do. 

     
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    Busy bee
    missrain    January 2, 2010   Austin

    Yep, sounds like a case of "but you're our little girl" syndrome! Good lukc, pec1216... when the time is right, they will come around!

     
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    Bee Keeper
    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    we met when i was 25. we got engaged when i was 26, and i'll be 26 when we get married (a week away from 27). he was 29 when we met, and he'll be 31 when we're married.

     
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    Bumble bee
    Jaxx317    July 17, 2011   Brooklyn, NY/wedding in the Hudson Valley

    started dating when i was 25 and he had just turned 27. not engaged - yet - but assuming he proposes before my 30th, i'll be 29 and he 31. our actual wedding will be determined by our finances so i'm guessing we aren't actually going to have a wedding until 2011 which make me 31 and him 32 (if we do it before Nov 2011).

     
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    Sugar bee
    RoddyBride09    September 5, 2009   Bethlehem, PA

    When we met: 23 me - 25 him

    Engaged: 27 me - 28 him

    Married: 27 me - 29 him

    We have been together a total of 4 years this past October 29.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Minutiae    May 2011  

    My sister was...eighteen, I think? When she started dating my BIL. They married when she was 20 and he was 22. Happily married five years later and expecting their first child.

    My man and I started dating when I was 20, he was 28. It looks like we'll be engaged at 21/29 and married just a hair over our 22nd and 30th birthdays. In our situation, I'll be able to get married right after graduation and it won't interfere with a job/career, and my parents will be able to send my younger sister to college b/c my student loans won't be tied to them anymore.

    Age =/= maturity. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders; I'm sure you'll be able to handle any of the challenges you face! :)

     
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    Bumble bee
    realeastcoaster    July 11, 2009   Canada

    We met when I was 24, got engaged at 25, and married at 27. The most important part of that process thought wasn't considering what age we were when each event was happening, but focusing on the fact that it felt completely natural and right.

    Maybe it's just because you're their first child to get engaged and married - my older brother got engaged a month before we did - and my parents were a little "One of our kids is old enough to get married?" in response. Lucky for me, by the time we got engaged, they were used to the idea of becoming in-laws and there wasn't any awkwardness, although I'm sure there would have been otherwise, even though I was 25! lol..

     

     
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    Busy bee
    DaisyBride    June 1, 2009  

    We are the same age (well, I'm 5 weeks older and he never lets me forget it!)

    Started Dating - 21 (Had just turned 21)

    Bought a house - 22 (Almost 23) - I think this delayed the engagement a bit financially, that's why I listed it

    Engaged - 25

    Married - 26

    As far as I'm concerned, as long as you are over 18, age doesn't matter.  It ALL depends on the people involved.

     
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    KMSull    August 7, 2010   Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    Ha, I love the charts! This post made me smile. Glad to see so many girls being supportive of eachother!

     
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    Helper bee
    ashleyjane    1/16/2010   Tampa, FL

    I'm 23, FI is 21. we started dating at 15 & 17. young marriage is beautiful:)

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Minutiae    May 2011  

    @ashleyjane: Exactly! I'm definitely quoting you on that in a blog post. :)

     
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    Bumble bee
    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    I was 21, he was 20 when we started dating.  When we got engaged, I was 23, he was 21.  And when we get married, I will be 23 and he will be 22.  So I think if you are ready to make the next move, then go for it.  Def not crazy. 

     
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    Sugar bee
    Tulip61110    June 11, 2010   Philadelphia

    Started dating: Me 23, Him 24

    Engaged: Me 27, Him 28

    Getting married: Me 29 (well, two weeks before my 29th birthday), Him 30

     
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    Bumble bee
    jhphi    January 1, 2008  

    Every relationship is different-- I was 30 when we met, 31 when we got engaged, and 32 when we got married.  However, if I had met him when I was 22 or 23, we still would've gotten married.  I think it just takes meeting the right person.

    Don't let others get you down!  Just think how young a lot of our grandparents were when they got married-- and they seemed to make it through perfectly fine!

     
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    Bee Keeper
    daydreamwanderer       DC

    You know, age is so subjective. I have friends who are in their mid 30s who are so immature and who I'd quickly say are not ready to get married, and at the same time, one of my good friends got married at 20, is incredibly mature (as is his wife, 6 months younger than him), and I can't imagine them not being together anymore. Conversely, I know some 30-somethings who act like they're in the 50s, and some 20-somethings who act like they're in high school. Or maybe it's really all the same thing. :)

    Actions and attitudes speak much louder than numbers or years, IMO. At least once you're a legal adult ;)

     
    32.
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    Blushing bee
    Miss Frenchie    December 2009  

     

                        Me            Him

    Met:              18             24

    Dating:          19             25

    Engaged        24             31

    Getting married in 29 days!!

    It has been a rough road, my parents gave us a hard time at first but we have been living together for a few years and everyone gets along etc.

     
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    Busy bee
    fuschiasparkles    November 4, 2011   FL

    I think early/mid twenties the perfect time to get engaged! Alot of my friends around my age are engaged now (22-25yr olds) or have already wed.

     
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    Busy bee
    surkim    September 2, 2012  

    We met at 18 and started dating at 20.  We're 24 now and not engaged.  Not formally, I guess.

    I have friends who are younger than me and have been engaged for at least a year, and I've had a few friends who got (or are getting) married at 22/23, right out of college.  I also met a guy who was getting married before he graduated, because his FI was going to grad school and they wanted to stay together.  

     
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    Bee Keeper
    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    Everyone is different but remember that your family knows you best and has your best interest at heart!

    We met at 21

    Engaged at 26

    Married at 27

     
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    Helper bee
    FutureMrsDuff    8/28/2009   Bloomington, MN

    Met: 18

    Engaged: 27 (him), 26 (me)

    Married: 27

    (We're only 3 months apart in age.)

     

    I feel that when you know, then you know. If you have all the resources that you need to start your life together, and if that's what you want, then no one else should be able to judge you for that.

     
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    Honey bee
    AnnieAAA    October 25, 2009   Dallas, TX

    I think its completely different for everyone! I was experiencing the other side, where eveyone couldn't understand why we weren't engaged yet :)

    Met: Both 20

    Engaged: Both 24 (basicaly 25 b/c our B-days are right after)

    Married: Both 25 (basically 26 b/c our B-days are right after)

     
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    Helper bee
    mallorynjmf       Louisville, KY wedding in Vero Beach,FL

    We met at: me-16 him-17

    Started dating me-17 him-18

    Engaged: me-21 him 22

    When we get married: me-23 him 24

    Well since we have been together since we were so young and have been together for 5 years and will be together almost 6 on our wedding day... I feel like we are at a perfect age.

     
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    Busy bee
    Bellini    January 1, 2011   Washington, DC

    engaged at 22!! 23 now, getting married right after i turn 24.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    snmcdowell    9-13-08   Chicago

    Met at 19, dated 7 long years, engaged at 26, married at 28, celebrating our first anniversary at 29. Hated the delay at the time but now I think it was the right thing to do to wait until we are both mature enough to handle marriage.

     

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