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We are definitely private but to a certain degree. There's just some things only a woman can say as in woman to woman that a man can just never do! LOL so it's cool to have awesome friends and family to go to but definitley not always! : )
None of your options aplied to me. My husband is very private, which is fine with me. I am not private at all, and my husband is fine with that. Although I will say that I draw a big distinction with what I tell who. I tell my best friend just about everything because I know that she loves both me AND my husband and that she can give me really good advice sometimes and tell me when I'm wrong (or give me confidence that I'm not wrong, sometimes). I know that she will never hold anything I tell her against my husband or bring it up to him. I also tell my mom a lot of stuff, but only good things. I make it a point to never complain to my family about my husband because I know it would be harder for them to 1) realize that I am similarly imperfect and 2) forgive and forget as quickly as I do.
My momma always said, "Don't share your problems because people don't forget but you forget in the bedroom!" I only share positive things, with the occasional gripe (FI won't pick up his socks!)
I voted for the first option.
I am extremely private. There are things in my life I haven't and would never tell my own mother about. I have the opposite problem (and it is a major problem) with my FI. He is currently living with his parents, and he tells his bloody mother just about everything...including what I consider my personal business. And I know she doesn't keep her bloody mouth shut so it ends up being shared with all his family.
We've had many arguments over it. He thinks it is being 'close' with his family. I think it is not understanding that at the age of 41/43 respectively, we need to have boundaries....and more importantly, privacy.
Luckily he will be moving 200 hundred miles away from his parents in the near future.
I'm a talker and terrible at keeping secrets. It's not that I tell everyone I know, of course, but I have a circle of friends who I go to for emotional support (and vice versa). My best friend knows absolutely everything that goes on in my relationship, but she's practically my sister and has been there since I fell for FI (it's because of her that he finally stopped being a dummy and asked me out), so she has the best perspective on things out of anyone else I could talk to.
That said, FI is VERY private and there are things I do keep to just us. Definitely don't talk to almost anyone about our "bedroom" issues because I do think those things are just for us.
It depends for me.. things like our fights/issues etc.. we pretty much keep to ourselves. But issues I have with his family.. I talk to my friends and the bees and he doesn't really like that all of that is online lol
I'm private and DH really isn't. But we made an agreement early on that we would never share our problems with family members. Often family members will hold a grudge long after the couple forgives each other.
I am extremely private. I don't see the need to share overly personal things with friends or family. My SO is less private and it drives me nuts sometimes. He will blurt things out in front of people that I never told them and I want to hit him. I'm very talkative and open with people but I don't share every detail. In fact I leave most details out. If something is important I will mention it.
I didn't vote, and my situation is more like @CorgiTales; dh is def not a talker, but I am to a certain extent, with a select few people I confide in, and dh is fine with that. like, right now I'm ready ttc and dh isn't--if I only talk about it with him, it'll drive him crazy, and if I don't say anything to anyone, I'll go crazy. So I talk to my mom and my bff about it occassionally, and had one really cathartic convo about it with my bro and sil when they found out they were expecting their second baby. Dh knows i've talked to them all but understands. Similarly, before we got engaged I was getting impatient and would confide to a few friends, and he understood and appreciated that. or I've also vented about smaller things too, or asked advice from friends. we have a pretty even-keeled relationship though, so there's nothing that I've ever said that a friend or family member could potentially hold against dh. Most our bickering is usually about chores, so no one is going to be like, "dh, you're a terrible person bc you didn't take the garbage out immediately," you know? ;)
I don't often like talking about fights with other people because I don't want them to get a skewed perception of him. I certainly don't say anything to my famly because things with them have been rough for a while. Occasionally I message close internet friends if I really need advice that won't ruin friendships, and sometimes I'll ask for my close friends (whom I know won't change their opinion on them when I'm really hurt) if I need to. I don't think he really talks about it to other people, and I try to keep his family out of them. The only time I ever say anything to his mom is after we've made up if it was something silly like my birthday arguement, but I don't talk about intimate stuff with her or his dad. I don't want to add any more drama to an already dramatic issue.
Neither of us air our dirty laundry for anyone to see. Not that there's much of it, but when we're upset or arguing about something, we're the only two who know about it.
One of the reasons FI and I got together is because we're both private. I think he's more private than I am but our business is ours alone.
I am pretty private. I will share the gripes like he steals the remote or turns down the heat, but if we have had issues before I have one friend I will talk to but that is about it. In a past relationship I told my mom and sister a lot and they eneded up hating him. Rightly so in the end, but I learned my lesson. We haven't had any problems or big issues yet, but if we do it will be between us, well and maybe you ladies too. lol
@CorgiTales: I agree -I'm in the same boat. BF is very private. VERY private. Whereas me, I can't hold it in! And he's okay with it as long as I'm not telling everyone and their mothers. Mainly I talk to my closest friend who will by my MOH and another friend here where I'm living.
We're both very private. I might share a funny fight with my BF once in awhile but never any serious gripes.
Of course when it comes to our fights I'm pretty private as well. Again, my future MOH is there for me but I never hash out everything. I'm working on getting better at NOT needing someone to talk to about it because I don't love that I do that.
I meant more for happy things like wedding ring shopping and planning - that I share with her because I need someone to squee over it with me!
It really depends on the situation. I am VERY close with my family, sister, SIL and mom especially. I tell them almost everything. BUT personal stuff about my husband? I would never disclose without asking him first.
If we're having any type of problem, argument, disgreement, whatever - and we need outside counsel. We actually made lists together of people both of us are comfortable with talking to about our marriage, people we REALLY trust will give our spouse quality advice, not take a side or bash the other spouse. So I have a list of guys I am comfortable with him talking to about me, and he gave me a list of girls he's comfortable with me going to about our relationship. It is SUCH a good idea and I highly suggest it.
My husband is really good about me sharing stuff though, he really doesn't care for the most part and my family ADORES him so they find our little stories very funny. But he doesn't overshare with his family which I respect greatly because I wouldn't want that.
I think that the point isn't what's private stays private, but that both of you/us have set ahead of time what can be shared so that there is no embarrassment, resentment or hurt that happens as a result of poor planning/communication.
I used to confide I'm my mom & my bf about my last FI. They ended up hating him & would try and talk me into leaving him.
I know because I love my FI I can forgive him and get over things he does easier. I see the good after the bad, they just hear about the bad.
One of My BF's is my FI godsister. I know if I was sharing with her like he is sharing with his cousin she wouldn't feel the same about my FI. And spending time together would be not as pleasant for either of us. & while I wouldget past the issue she would think he is a jerk!! Lol
We are both very private, but I do open up to friends and family about things that aren't really a big deal or that we've already resolved. We both don't ever vent to people in the heat of the moment, we wait until the situation has a positive and productive result then share if it makes sense.
We are both very private, but I have a few select friends that I will open up to. I just have to make sure to avoid telling family because my Mom has the worlds biggest mouth. If I don't want total strangers to know, I had better not tell her.
voted that we are both prviate. i do share things with my one and only friend but it usually funny things and positive things. i have come to realize that friends are great but when you have an argument with you SO they are usually going to be on your side even if your wrong. and thats great but makes it hard to see where we were wrong. takes two to argue.
I think we both share with our family and friends at times and at times we know it's wrong but sometimes you just need to vent or to get an honest outsiders opinion. Sometimes it can be a good thing too - a week before our first anniversary, my SO admitted he still loved his ex and probably always would (not in that way). I was devastated and was planning to end it, it was my siblings (brother and sister) who stopped me - they said the truth was he'd only been split up with her for a year and 2 months at the time and he had been planning to propose to her - in other words, his only real crime was being too honest for his own good and perhaps wording it badly.
Now we've been together 2 and a half years and I KNOW he doesn't have feelings for her, it was just still raw for him at the time but if I hadn't shared that with my family I would have lost a great thing.
god, i'm a blabbermouth. you'd think by my age i'd learn. we're a year into our relationship and i really am working on cutting back with whom i share things. i have a few great friends who are very understanding and i know i can turn to them for honest advice. i don't get into day to day things, but we've had some big issues that would have been impossible for me to keep private (like, changing our minds about moving in together- people ask about stuff like that).
i've stopped sharing anything much with my family (they ask too many questions and have too many opinions). sometimes i think i've been so open that i can't turn back!
my SO doesn't say a word to anyone about ANYTHING. i'm not sure he knows how much my friends know :)
@CorgiTales: Same. FI doesn't share, and I do and he doesn't mind.
He's very private and I don't mind (: I'm less private (and SO doesn't mind), like I'll talk to my mom or close friends about the good things and minor diagreements. We both keep major arguments/problems or like more intimate details to ourselves (:
I am a pretty private person. When I was in college I used to share all of my relationship woes with my girlfriends, but now I definitely believe there is definitely such a thing as too much information.
I think especially once you're engaged or married, your primary relationship is with your partner. By sharing intimate details with a parent or friend, it can seem like letting them inside the relationship. I guess in general I'm a pretty private person and don't like to air dirty laundry in public.
I'm happy to share good things, but our friends and family don't need to worry over small disagreements. Like some PPs have said, I'm okay with very minor, good-natured complaints like "He hogs the blankets," or "He never puts dirty dishes in the dishwasher!" Other than that, though, I think it's best to work things out between the two of us.
@MaraBeth: I'm with you! I'll in good humour gripe about silly things. Like his crazy music taste etc. & on occasion big things to Friends, not family, ever & its issue's over hurtful things he's done or said but not a lot so they know all our business.
He however talks to his friend about our money issue's, are arguments over ex's he said anything that bothers him & he feels he needs to talk about & their are no boundaries. If they wanted to talk about bedroom stuff he doesn't see a problem with that either. But he says they don't. I'm mortified!!!! & One side of some of our issue's must make me look like a biotch!!
He said he feels bad I don't feel I can confided in anyone. !!?? I have let's of people I could talk too. I'm just not like that!
Where do I go from here? Is he entitled to his way & I live with it & hope it doesn't end like my last relationship? Do I talk to him? I know we'll fight & not see eye to eye.
Stressed out!!! : (.
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Curious about how much you or your SO share about your relationship?
Are you or your SO okay with it?
What kind of stuff crosses the line?
Me.. I'm fairly private. Mentioned to my FI when we first started dating. Especially with involving family he said he agree'd!
Once in a blue moon I'll cry on a friends shoulder & get their advice. Mostly I use you guys!! :). Lol
My FI. Has a best friend who he owns a business with and is his family (cousin). I recently found out that he tells him almost everything. My FI says he is like another spouse for him.
Ive had this situation before with my last FI which is why I brought it to light in the beginning of ours. My ex used to confide in his sister. She was a nice girl!! I liked her & They were close. Over time with more & more of his side of stories ( I wasn't aware of how much he was sharing)
She naturally got only his side & I became the villan. You can't defend yourself or say bad things about someone's family member so fighting back would just make it worse for me. It was a large contributing factor to our separation! People talk. & if you think it always stays with the person you confide in your wrong. Especially when it's family. They talk!!
Not to mention it makes me uncomfortable being around them knowing they have all one sides of our bad moments. Never wanted to be in this situation again. But. Here I am.