Post # 1
I admit, I am not very put together at this time in my life. The house is a mess, I am a mess, I had today off and I just watched TV all day inctead of doing anything productive. I see some other women in my field and they are so well put together, hair done, make up done, nails done, dressed well, house spotless, home cooked meal everyday and some of them even have kids. Here I am barely functioning, me and the hubby have not had a family dinner in a long time, I just go to work and come home from work and I am done for the day. I have no energy and more importantly I have no interest. Everything is a mess and I did not even work that much this month. I can’t even recognize myself lately from the person I was few years ago and no idea how I got here. It is like I am on auto pilot mood or something. All of my emotions kinda feel muted, I can’t explain it.
What I want is to be out together personally, have a great clean apartment, cook on my days to cook, and be happier. I know what I want and I know how to get it but its just the actual doing it part which is so exhausting. anyone else feels this way?
Post # 2
I feel like this 24/7 sometimes. I do work full time but my job is mentally exhausting and even though it’s not physical I get home half the time and don’t even want to cook dinner. It’s especially worse when I haven’t taken my medication (I have bipolar disorder II) but what helps me is when I literally just force myself to go through the motions. Eventually I just start doing things because it comes naturally and I don’t drag my feet as much.
Sometimes you have to just go through the motions, one thing at a time, to get a handle on life.
Post # 3
I feel like I’m slowly getting my life together! I’m by no means 100% put together right now. The apartment is a mess, I’m overweight (though down 22 lbs), I feel like I suck at style (but don’t want to buy new clothes while I’m losing weight), but I have started cooking more. I think you can’t expect an overnight change. Pick one thing that you want to work on more. And start making a conscious effort to work it into your routine. Then once that becomes habit, start adding other things. It will all come together eventually!
Post # 4
thesoontobemrsv : I think you are right, something needs to change
Post # 5
Ugh i fucking hate cleaning. It’s the bane of my existence. If I could eat glass over cleaning the house I think I would. That is a bit dramatic I know but seriously I have no energy or drive to do it. I get it done, albeit not even once a week but I do it. I try to do something while cleaning that will help me through it such as put on some good music and sing and dance. I probably look ridiculous to an outsider but I have to do that in order to make me feel better. I FORCE myself to enjoy it, lol.
on a serious note, I’ve definitely been there. I think my life now is probably more settled than it’s ever been although I decided to go back to grad school after ten years and I’m scared as hell that I won’t be able to do it but you know what, I gotta try.
The symptoms you’re explaining though seem more sinister and I’m worried that you’re more than tired. Perhaps depressed (I am in no way a doctor and can’t diagnose you) but the point is that maybe it would benefit you to talk to someone and discuss your symptoms because it might be deeper than you admit?
You took the first step by reaching out here, now can you confide in someone in real life? Such as your husband or a trusted family member? In the meantime, good luck Bee. Hope you can find comfort soon.
Post # 6
This is something that my SO and I are really actively trying to work on before we get engaged, because we figure if not now, when? Our apartment is a total mess and we just generally aren’t very good about being proactive in terms of cleanliness or home organization, so we really want to feel more responsible before we add in the extra steps of wedding planning and then being married and preparing for a family. I totally get you though, it’s a struggle sometimes!
I agree with PP that I think talking to a therapist or doctor about what you’re going through is a good idea; describing your emotions as muted and saying you don’t have energy to do anything is worrisome and I want to make sure you are taking care of your mental health!
Post # 7
I think a lot of people LOOK put together but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t struggling. Some of the people I know who are the prettiest with the cutest houses have other issues they are struggling with. That could mean depression, emotional baggage, family issues, relationship issues…you get the picture.
The older I get the more I realize that everyone struggles. Everyone has things that they wish they could do better. There are days when I call it a success that I got out of the house with pants on haha. I do know a handful of people who hire a maid to come in once every week or two and they say it is 110% worth it…so maybe try that? Like others have said, focus on one thing at a time. Maybe cooking — start meal planning for the week and grocery shop one day per week so that you buy what you need for those meals. This has helped us a ton!
Post # 8
I dont have it together. I am burnt out and am having trouble sleeping even though I exercise and am active. Not getting enough sleep saps my mental energy completely, which isn’t good when I am trying to learn a new job and make a good impression. My SO and I just barely manage to keep our place fairly clean, and we get takeout too much because we are too tired to cook. If I could just sleep, I know I would do better.
Is there a reason you are so burnt out?
Post # 9
catapple : I have had a tough last 4 years with my job and I have gained some weight over the course of last 4 years as well. I also have a little demanding job now. My hours change month to month so my schedule also changes month to month so its tough to stick to one schedule. I think it all started when my puppy passes away and it was my fault. She threw up and I did not think too much of it because sometimes she ate too fast and did throw up and it was not a big deal usually. Next day she was not acting right so I did take her to the vet and she was very sick and we ended up putting her down because the vet said that she might get better temporarily with the treatment but that shell get sick again soon. She was only 6 months old. Anyway after that I was depressed for a long time until a year and 1/2 later we got another dog and that helped but I don’t think i kicked the depression completely.
Post # 10
Cheekie0077 : I have talked to my husband about it multiple times, he thinks its our bed and that we are not getting good sleep. I feel like he just thinks that I am being lazzy and can control how I feel. The problem is that I sleep all the time. I can spend all night sleeping and then sleep all day the next day and I never have problems falling alseep and I don’t wake up at all during my sleep. But no matter how much I sleep, I always feel like I can sleep more
Post # 11
We’re pretty good at maintaining a clean apartment because I am OCD like that. We cook dinner 2-3 times a week. But omg I am fucking exhausted. I made dinner tonight and now I am laying on the couch with my wine. It’s a balance. I am always sooooo tired too. I can sleep for hours if given the chance. I fall asleep on the couch every night
I hope you don’t take this wrong but it seems like you may be a bit depressed? That’s exactly how I used to feel.
Post # 12
I would start with a checkup, do some blood work. It could be something as simple as anemia or vitamin deficiency. I would just rule out the easy stuff first, then see a therapist if your Dr doesn’t find anything.
Post # 13
jalvia : I can tell you that I’ve dealt with symptoms of depression and when I was depressed my sleep schedule was all messed up. Allllll I wanted to do was sleep, I was always tired and I always felt like I couldn’t or didn’t ever want to get out of bed. There were times I didn’t care if I never woke up. I could have slept forever. That is bad. It was debilitating. And until I talked to a therapist and got some help it would have continued that way. Please, please please talk to someone and get some counseling. You owe it to yourself to be happy.
Post # 14
ljm308 : so agree!
jalvia : by the definition you stated above, I would appear “put together”. However, I am the first to admit my many, many shortcomings and things that need improvement. My house is spotless at all times only because it gives me great stress when it’s not and shit gets lost or misplaced when my home organization systems breakdown. Sometimes, I wish I could just RELAX about it. It takes a lot to constantly be picking up after my slob DH and 2 kids (luv them anyway but it’s exhausting and many times frustrating). I or DH cook most nights, healthy meals bc family dinner is what we anchor around. We sit together, as a family, with no electronics and discuss our day. It’s awesome but A LOT of work – planning, prep, cooking, clean up. Sometimes I wish we just did take out. Finally, fashion and beauty is my passion, and I love it, but when I stop and think about all the money I have spent on “had to have luxury purses, shoes, etc, etc”, it makes me sad. Granted, I always funded them with discretionary cash but it’s still a lot of time thinking about it, shopping for it, maintaining it, etc. I do sometimes wish I were a sweatpants wearing mom hair, don’t care person.
My point is, life is about trade offs and what you invest your time, energy and headspace in you naturally give up something else. The grass is always greener on the other side. I bet there are A LOT of truly amazing things about your life and values and what you prioritize and I would encourage you to continue with them. YOU DO YOU! Best wishes!
Post # 15
Ha, I don’t even have a job at the moment as we moved to a small town for DH’s job and there’s nothing for me. So I’m just hanging around the house all day. The more I do nothing the more I just fall into apathy and can’t make myself do anything at all. Appearance-wise I can get it together when I have to (except my hair… I’ve never figured out how to make my hair look professional!) But just because I look fine doesn’t mean a lot.