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There seem to be four big steps in the 1/2/3/4 progression of relationships...
The Modern Way seems to be to progressively test drive the relationship through its natural phases:
When did you move in together (or plan to move in together): after you'd been dating for a while, after you got engaged, or after you got married?
We moved in together after dating for a year. We probably would have waited longer, but his lease was up and his roomate planned on moving in with her BF.
We'll do the following:
Ours is a financial and somewhat moral issue since we're parents. If it seems to be a bit confusing for the kids, we'll do JOP quickly (like my friends did) and have he dress, minister, tux, reception wedding on the original date later this summer/early fall.
We dated for about a year and a half before we moved in together. It was another year before we got engaged.
We took the modern way approach and moved in together after dating for two years. I was stuck in a difficult situation with my parents (long story), and I moved in with a friend. I was at my fiance's place practically everyday, and it made the most sense to move in together. We were engaged less than a year later, and we've been super happy with our living situation.
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I'd lived with boyfriends before (2), and by the time I met FI I was so, completely, over it. I'd just moved into an amazing new flat, had great new friends and a lot going on socially, that there was no way I wanted to tie myself down in any capacity with a domestic partnership. Furthermore, while I don't regret living with boyfriends (in fact living with them was what helped me realize we weren't right together), I'd come to the conclusion at some point that it was just not something I wanted to to again.
FI and I were crazy in love when I found out unexpectedly that I had to move back to the States, and if we wanted to stay together he'd have to come with me. Without an employment visa, and in a country he was unfamiliar with, it made no sense for him to live alone, so we sublet a condo together for a few months.
When he moved back to Europe I lasted all of six weeks without him, hopped on a plane, and we've been living together since (which also works best, as now I'm the one without the work visa, job or car).
Just goes to show how easily sometimes what you think you least want can sneak up on you (and make you insanely happy).
We moved in together after almost a year, but we decided after only 4 1/2 months!! We were LD and the main decision was for me to move back to Seattle. It didn't make sense until my research season (I travelled for research during the northern fall and early winter) was over, so I moved after that!
It's nuts b/c I never, ever could have imagined making such drastic life changes for a guy so quickly until we started dating. It was 2 1/2 year after we moved in that we got engaged (mostly b/c of my wanting to graduate first).
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Oooh Mr. Bee, you are at 666 posts. I think you need to post again.
Our path:
1) Meet
2) Avoid him for 3 years
3) Date (long distance) for 2 years
4) State unequivically that I will never move in with someone unless we are engaged
5) He moves in (so much for #4!)
6) Get engaged (4 months after he moves in)
7) Marriage (15 months after engagement)
We probably moved in together too soon, after only dating a year, but we moved apart for a year, just to check and make sure we were on the right track. :) Moving in together before getting married was definitely a good thing for us. :)
We moved in together as soon as we were "pre-engaged" - knew we were going to get married and just hadn't done the offical ring thig yet!
We started dating and within about a month or two we were spending every night together, but taking turns staying at each other's places. After a few months of that we started staying at his place only and after 6 moz decided to move in together officially.
Almost exactly 1 yr later he proposed. We moved pretty quickly, but we've both been in many relationships and sometimes you just know when things click :)
My FI and I...we're strange. Love at first kiss. Our scenario is non-traditional to say the least, and Mr. Bee I couldn't even answer the Poll because we're none of those!!
1. Kiss in an elevator
2. Move in together
3. Date for a while
4. Get engaged
5. Get married
Yep, you read that right! We moved in before we even really started to date! It was that instant of a connection. I can't explain it. We just knew. Really, from the start we knew we'd get married!
Our Short Story:
We were young so it took us longer, but I'm glad we took it slow!
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We moved in together after about three months of dating - yikes, eh!? I always said I would never want to live with someone before marriage, and my friends would tell me I was crazy and old-fashioned. But there were soo many extenuating circumstances...
- We were both living/working in Mexico, in apartments directly on the campus of the research facility
- Admin kicked me out of my apartment over Christmas to give to someone with more seniority, thus I was living with my boss for a few months (so awkward).
- After the important person moved out of my old apartment... admin assigned it to FH!
- I was going crazy living with my boss, no new apartments were coming available, we were trying to decide whether it was a serious enough relationship to start immigration/visa proceedings so we could be together after our contracts... so it just made sense for us!
I'm the "unique" vote. The man and I were good firends (and coworkers too) and both broke up from other relationships. I had a big apartment and no roommate to help me fill (and pay for) it, and he had no place to live. So, he moved in. And we started dating. So yes, we've been living together since before we started dating. (Though we've since moved to another home together, and one of us switched departments at work.) It was/is a good situation for us in so many ways. A huge learning experience and we know exactly what to expect from each other in most situations.
He bought a house 8 months after we started dating (I had bought a house a year before we met). He asked me to move in on the day he got his house & I told him we would talk about it when we were together for 1 year...in the meantime I basically spent 5 nights a week at his house....paying the mortgage on my "closet" lol...and we moved in together last July after being together for a year & a half (I sold my house...which I loved...but his house was more central for both of us as far as commuting & mine was more $$$$ so easier to sell).
we're not moving in together until after we get married. this is mainly due to the fact that we have been at different schools for all of our relationship.
Meet at 15 years old.
Start dating at 21.
At 21 and 1 month realize you are the loves of each others lives.
Date (long distance) for 4 years.
Date and live in the same city for 2 years.
Move in together.
(Insert objection by my family here...they got over it after a few months)
Date etc for another year.
Get engaged.
Get married (well, not yet. October 2009!)
For all you non math majors, we dated for 6, moved in, got engaged after 7, will marry after 8. Psyched to finally make it official!
We dated for 3 1/2 years, most of which was semi long distance, living over the course of that time either 2 or 3 hours from each other. Then we moved in together. We have been talking about "when we get married" and "when we have kids" for the last couple of years. Though we are finally enjoying seeing each other daily and in no rush. So I'm here to soak up ideas for when we officially become engaged and I can put my ideas into fruition. :)
My parents gave us the "we're not paying for the wedding if you move in together" bit, so... yeah. I'm actually glad tho. I think it'll be more special this way. And he got a job way far away, 2 months after we thought about moving in, and I wouldn't have wanted to move 1000 miles away but be planning a wedding here.
Us moving in together was not really a want, it was a necessity at the time.
A lil' back story, I've been on my own since I was 18. My mother was a different way of thinking and pretty much told me "you're an adult, move out". So I did.
So after renting for about 7 years, my father (who does accounting) has been suggesting for YEARS to invest in a house. After 2 years of his nagging, I finally felt like I was in a place to buy, but I wanted to save some more $$. I swallowed my pride and asked my 'rents if I could move back in with them for a few months so I could save some extra money. I did say that I would pay to stay there, but figured they probably won't change me as much as I was paying for rent. My mom didn't say no, but for 30 minutes she listed every reason why she DIDN'T want me to stay there. Meanwhile, Mr. Sushi's mom (he was living with her at the time) had asked me to move in with her. Hmmm..do I stay with my parents who obviously didn't want me living there, or with Mr. Sushi and his mom who had asked me to move it?!
I moved in with Mr. Sushi and his mom and lived there for about 6 months before buying my own place. Mr. Sushi then moved in with me. Although at the time I totally wasn't ready to move in with Mr. Sushi when his mom asked me to move in with them, it has been the best thing for our relationship and totally have no regrets. I've also more close with his mom because of it.
I really didn't want to live with someone unless I was married or at least engaged to them. Husband had lived with someone before and the break-up moving-out process was a nightmare. We did this:
We were only dating for a couple of weeks when we moved in together. Apparently it was a good move though... we've been together for 5 years now. :)
Ours is going the pretty traditional route...needless to say I can't wait till the wedding!!
1) Date
2) Get engaged
3) Buy a condo
3a) FI moves into Condo while I stay at home
4) Get Marrried
5) Finally move in!
@misscamera - did you get a lot of flack from friends and family for that? We sure did.
Mr. FF and I had been dating for 3 years by the time we graduated college. We're both very independent (he'd had an apartment though most of college that I was practically living in anyway) so we got an apartment together. The nice suprise was that my very traditional parents helped us move and brought over a bottle of champaign to celebrate with, then turned out to be totally cool about us buying a house together before we were even engaged (I mean everyone knew it was coming, but getting settled fincially for us was a bigger deal than getting engaged)
So ours was
1. Have my mother introduce us
2. Sort of date
3. Agree we were actually, in fact, dating
4. Move in
5. Buy house
6. Get engaged (finally!!!)
We hadn't been dating that long...actually only about 7 months. I purchased a house about a year and a half before we lived together so it was interesting at first, he didn't always act like he had responsibilites but since we got engaged in October it has been smooth sailing!
I moved in with him after 7 months of dating, and about a year before we got engaged. Nobody's family was upset, we're old enough to live our lives how we want to.
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@MsSushi You're so lucky to have such a sweet FMIL!
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We got engaged in October and won't live together until May. I can't wait.
We ended up getting engaged almost a year before we moved in together. Because we were in a long distance relationship. It took us a while to find some place to move together jobwise.
My boyfriend and i moved in together the day after i graduated highschool, and that was almost three years ago, we've been dating for 6, and we're finally engaged
We dated for 3 months before I went back to colloege 3 hours away, did the long distance thing for a year (he would stay with me when he visited), I graduated, moved back in with my parents (he lived with his dad). I got a job in Los Angeles, he had been commuting to Los Angeles for work for years, it only made sense we move down there, and the only way to afford it was to do it tigether. I don;t think my mom was thirlled, but we've shown her we're adults now and can get along on our own. plus it has made us stronger, getting to know eachother so intimately in our own place. We got engaged after living together almost 2 years, on our three year anniversary, getting married 17 months later! Plus looking to buy a house soon after the wedding.
I'm with Mrs. Bee- I knew my family would be too upset if we moved in together before being engaged. We moved in together about a month before the wedding. Which STILL made my sister mad.
So our situation was kind of unique. I have to bet that no one else had this experience?
1. Meet and become friends. For *10 years*.
2. Become housemates with 2 other friends (not roommates). Still just friends.
3. Start dating.
4. Get our own apartment.
5. Get engaged and plan a wedding!
I think our situation was good in some ways and bad in others--there's not a lot of mystery when you start dating someone you've already known and lived with for many years. However, we already knew each other's families and our parents knew each other and everything, so it was never awkward once we got together.
We decided to move in together after dating for about 4 months, moved in together after 6 months, got engaged after a year and a half getting married at just over 2 years of being together.
We're quick little buggers!
We moved in together about 4 years into our relationship. We moved into this 460 sq ft studio in san francisco, and when my dad came to look at it, he said, "Wow, how are you going to fit two beds in here?"
He was serious. Not in a strict fatherly way, but it really didn't even occur to him that we'd share a bed. Man it was awkward. I had to tell him that we'd only have one bed. AAAAAAA!
We moved in after we'd been dating for a little over 6 months. But honestly, we knew a few weeks in that this is forever. :)
So we moved in after 6 months, got engaged after 1 year, and we'll be getting married after just over 2 years together.
We knew each other/had only been dating for 4 months when we decided to move in together and then did it 2 months later. We had only even lived in the same city for 2 months before we moved in together. But hey, it worked for us. :)
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