(Closed) How rude is this? I don't know whether to be annoyed.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t see why not if she has a +1. Maybe her boyfriend can’t come and this friend was available.  

Post # 4
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be annoyed but I didn’t tell my guests who they could and couldn’t bring. If you are giving +1’s I think it’s up to the guest to choose who they bring.

If you are only giving +1’s to those guests who have SO’s then that’s different.

Post # 5
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think it’s a big deal.. a +1 is a +1. Did you specify she could only bring a certain person?

Post # 6
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t be annoyed, but everyone has different parameters for their wedding. Some people only invite +1s if they know them or if the couple is serious/engaged. We invited +1s across the board – guests can bring whoever they choose.

 

Post # 7
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t be annoyed. Maybe they broke up or he could not come for whatever reason and she dosn’t want to be alone.

Post # 8
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This happened to us, but we didn’t find it to be a big deal, at all. Like a PP has said, if she has the +1, then there’s really no harm… it’s not like she’s bringing an extra person.

Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes I would be annoyed and I wouldn’t allow it. When I allowed plus ones for couples in serious relationships(1 year or more), engaged/married and printed both names on the invite. If their spouse can’t make it then that is a guest or friend of ours that can take that spot rather then some random person whom I don’t know and don’t want there. The only people who got random plus ones are people coming from out of town.

If you guys prefer that spot go to someone you know call her and explain there this limited space and that a spot that can go to a friend/extended family member.

Post # 10
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would look at this as a good thing. Instead of bringing her BF who neither you nor your fiance know, she wants to bring a friend from HS that your fiance does know.

Post # 11
Member
2686 posts
Sugar bee

I’d be annoyed, but I wouldn’t make it a big deal.  Unless the invitation named her and her BF specifically, she can use the +1 any way she wants.  The important thing is that you’re still planning, catering, and doing seating charts for the same number of people.

Post # 12
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well you didn’t give her a +1, you invited her and her boyfriend.  So technically she can’t just decide to invite someone else – the invitation was not to her and a random guest, it was to her and her boyfriend.

That being said, although she was very rude for asking, I don’t see the harm in letting her bring someone else – you were already planning for that extra person anyway.  Being gracious will always make you look good 🙂

Post # 14
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

  IMO, everyone you wanted to invite should have already been invited. You shouldn’t be counting on declines or +1s to not make it in order to invite another person. I wouldn’t be annoyed. I originally gave that person a +1, whether it was specified or not, and they should be able to bring someone if the original +1 couldn’t go. If my FI couldn’t go with me and I was told I couldn’t use it for someone else (especially if I really only knew the bride/groom) I probably wouldn’t even go. I would feel extremely out of place by myself.

Post # 15
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Loveylove13:  If you specifically invited her boyfriend, it was indeed rude of her to ask for a substitution.  Wedding invitations are not tickets to an event to be traded. 

If, however, you invited her with a +1 and just assumed she would bring her boyfriend, then you can’t really say anything as +1 can be whomever she likes. 

If its the former, how you respond is really up to you.  If you’re okay with letting her swap the invitation, fine.  If you’re not, then simply respond that the invitation was to her boyfriend only. 

Post # 16
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@Loveylove13:  It really depends on how you invited her.  If you invited her Barbie Jones “and guest” or +”1″ then she is free to bring whomever she likes.

If you invited Barbie Jones, and Jack Johnson then only Jack may attend, and if cannot then it’s not transferable.

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