Post # 1
boyfriend and I are spreadsheeting a guest list for the wedding. We’re going to use it to help us settle the where to get married debate (we’re hoping to make it as cheap and painless for our guests as possible).
My dream wedding is 75-150 people, at the lake, low key and casual. Our budget is $10,000, although it might get cut since we’re building a house this fall.
We’re already at 258, without parents adding guests. If only 70% come, we’re still at 180!!! I want to throw up.
We’re ranking an A list and B list, as well as likelyhood of attending either location. I’ve brought up the +1 issue, and it blows his mind that you wouldn’t give people a +1.
How ruthless have you been to get the numbers to where you wanted them or could afford them? What tools have you used?
If you’ve seen them in the last year?
If you have them in your cell phone?
If you can name their +1?
Post # 3
very ruthless. 🙂 if they’re not one of my go-to people or within the tight circle of my go-to people, they didn’t get invited. no current / former colleagues on my side – i’d rather have my friends! no +1 unless they are seriously dating / married, basically the people who are invited are the ones that i’d be upset if i never saw/ heard from them again.
btw, the whole a list b list thing didn’t really work for us – not unless you’re planning on 2 sets of rsvp response cards. most people don’t respond until the due date itself, if at all.
our wedding is also 1/2 way around the world (literally) from our extended families so we knew that there were going to be a lot of nos and knew who those would likely be. we thought 80 would show up from the people we sent invites to. our headcount currently stands at ~75 (deadline was 8/1)
Post # 4
Not very ruthless 😉 I’m too nice and I didn’t want to upset anyone so I gave every one a +1. I wanted 80-100 guests, we invited 161. My RSVP due date was yesterday and right now I’m sitting at 83 confirmed with about 20+- more possibly coming. Not too bad but I probably lucked out with all the OOT guests, I knew a lot of them wouldn’t come.
Post # 5
I’m ruthless, he’s not. If I don’t talk to you on a semi-regular basis and if I do not have your phone number, you are not coming. Bridesmaids and some out of town guests get plus ones, that’s it.
On the other hand, he needs to invite his best friend from third grade that he hasn’t seen in 15 years AND the parents of this best friend. I won’t complain because his parents are paying for most of our wedding, but I certainly hope that his random guests politely decline. We are capped at 100, and over 130 are invited. I have no choice but to be ruthless.
Post # 6
We invited people we talk to often. For us, this meant all of our close friends. It was pretty easy for us to draw a line between close friends and not-so-close, no problems there at all. I’m really really close with my entire dad’s side of the family, so they ALL got invites, while none of my mom’s side will be invited because I haven’t seen/talked to any of them since I was 16. Plus they’re crazy anyway. On my FI’s side, almost all of his extended family was invited, but we drew the line at some that he doesn’t really know. If they ahdn’t met me, that was kind of a dealbreaker too. My parents didn’t get any friend invites, his mom got a few but we knew them well.
So I guess we were pretty ruthless 🙂 But both of our sets of parents were supportive of this. The lowest we could bring ourselves was inviting about 150 total. I would have loved to go lower, but we cut a lot as it was.
Post # 7
I was very ruthless. we had multiple cutting the list sessions and one fight with my mother. I have a big family, who I’m close with, but my venue only holds 110 (on purpose, i want a small wedding). If you’re not a first cousin, aunt, or uncle then you’re not in. And you have to be extremely good friends. I really don’t feel bad about it, it’s making my life so much easier!
Post # 9
Pretty ruthless. Our wedding will be small – 50 guests. We had to really stick to that since we are planning an outdoor ceremony, and our rain “back-up” can only <span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; color: black; font-family: Verdana;”>accommodate 50 people. I’d hate to invite more and have to use the rain back up and tell some of the guests “Oh, by the way, thanks for traveling so far but you can’t come to the wedding. See you at the reception!”.
I’m sure you guys will work it out! Having an “A” list and “B” list is definitely a good starting point
Post # 10
Pretty ruthless, to be honest. I wanted less than one hundered people (preferably no more than 75 but we will see). So I cut all adult cousins, high school friends I hadn’t seen in a year, etc. I was lucky that my mom was super supportive in keeping it as small as we could. Neither of our parents gave us “their” lists of people to invite either so that made it easier!
Post # 11
Never thought of myself as ruthless, but I suppose I am.
I only want people at my wedding I really care about. For the ones I wasn’t sure if I should include or not, I used the “do I know their b’day” rule. If I know when their b’day is, and I celebrate it, they are in. If I don’t – they don’t qualify.
Immediate family, of course, and life-long family friends that are more of an obligation, but I couldn’t imagine not having them present.
FI did the same thing, and while his list is smaller than mine, we ended up with a range of 161-190 (the list is still in flux).
Post # 12
Very ruthless. We only invited people that we talk to on a regular basis. Not many got plus ones if they weren’t married/living together/engaged.
We are doing a semi B list. We didn’t send STD’s out to his work people, so, as horrible as it sounds, once I get 10 no’s back, I’m sending out invites to his work people. Thank gosh I not overly friendly with any of them!
Basically we didn’t invite anyone that upon sight we didn’t remember their name.
Post # 13
very ruthless. at first we only wanted 125-150 guest. we were very selective with our guestlist. we invited all family and the rest are good friends, people we both have known for along time, and friends we grew up with and we are at 190 guests. but we are still leaving out a big chunk of people we both still talk to, but not very close with.
Post # 14
I wanted a very, very small wedding. We invited all family – aunts, uncles, first cousins. We only invited friends who had known us both, together. This made for a pretty tight guestlist — meaning, no old college friends who had met him once, etc.
If I were inviting old friends I keep in loose contact with because I wanted a bigger celebration, or because I wanted to share my new life with old friends (valid reasons I can think of doing it) I don’t know what criteria I’d use. Probably just whether we “talk”: you know, not just chat or smalltalk, but really have an interest in each other’s life.
Post # 15
I hate to say this, but you’re dreaming with a $10k budget. Reality: $10k will be enough for 40-50 guests. Unless you do a super casual reception ie; nix flowers, cake and punch, etc. Then you can have your 180+ guests.
Our budget was $10k (granted we are getting married in so california) It is costing closer to $14k and I cut flowers and am a DIY queen.
Post # 16
SO ruthless. We are only having about 25 people to our wedding so it was just immediate family members and then friends who are so close they are pretty much family. It was really hard to draw the lines, even two couples we hang out with a lot and are very close to weren’t invited, but they totally understand. We really had to be strict about where to draw the line, because once one cousin is invited, or one friend from college, its like “well, what about ___ and ____?” and it gets crazy!!!!