How Should He Tell His Parents We're Engaged?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Call and tell them straight out would be my advice. And the sooner the better. You don’t want them finding out from someone else or through facebook.

Post # 3
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your fiance needs to be the one to handle it, as it is his family.  If it was me, I would want him to do it sooner rather than later.   When dealing with extended families, the best policy is that he deals with his, you deal with yours. 

I know you don’t want to hear this, but its a bit telling that he doesn’t want to tell his family.  I would have a discussion with him as to why.  It has to be something beyond you both being young.  If he can’t deal with his family being disapproving, thats not a great sign in a relationship.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

LarLa:  Ditto.  You moved out of state and you’re living together, plus you’ve been dating for 4 years.  It shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.  I would tell them over the phone so if the reaction is less than enthusiastic you can always end the call and give them some time to get used to the idea before meeting up with them in person.

Post # 6
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

coachhw:  BOTH!  You are a unit, an engaged couple, a future married couple.  Do this together.

Post # 7
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

My advice would be to just tell them! I get nervous about the day it finally happens because my mother doesn’t like my boyfriend. But I just think the day I can tell everyone I will be so happy and will shout it from the rooftops! No body is going to rain on my parade – when my boyfriend finally asks me LOL!

Post # 9
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Have your fiancé call them with both of you on speakerphone. If the reaction from them is one of concern, then hand it off to your fiancé to handle.

Post # 10
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you’re mature enough to get married, you’re mature enough to be upfront with his parents and accept their reactions.  <br /><br />You both need to tell them today.  You are now a team, you and your FI, so you both need to be on the line. 

Post # 11
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You are both young but at the end of the day it’s your decision to get married and nothing anybody tells you is going to change that.  I also think people should wait to get married until they are at least 25 but ultimately my opinion doesn’t matter because it’s not me getting married, it’s you.  So face the music and deal with it.  When people makes comments about your ages tell them that’s nice and change the subject because it’s really none of their business.

Post # 12
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ellicott:  I agree… sort of like the idea that if you are too embarrassed to buy condoms you shouldn’t be having sex. If he can’t face his parents about this then it would make me question his maturity and that would be a red flag

Post # 13
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

coachhw:  Just do it. He should just call them after work or on the weekend, ask that they both get on the phone, he has some news, he’s asked you to marry him.  Then let the chips fall where they may.  If they react okay, he can put you on the phone.  If they react badly, he can deal with them on his own.  

I recommend that immediately after telling them you are engaged, he tell them about the long engagement, the plan to finish school first and whatever else will reassure them you are not getting married tomorrow.

Good luck.

Post # 14
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly, it is up to your FI. Yes you are a unit, but it is his parents and he should decide. 

My DH had this thing about telling people stuff in person. It is very important to him. He told his family a month after we got engaged because it would be the first time everyone would be together. When I got pregnant, he waited until we could all get together so I was already 11 weeks. His sister couldn’t make it and he tried really hard to have her come meet us but it just wasn’t going to work out. I was in my second trimester when he was forced to tell her over the phone for a few reasons, but he was really disappointed about not telling her in person. It got irritating at times, but I didn’t want to take away this moment for him. Likewise, I get to tell my parents big news the way I want to and he doesn’t get in the way. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors