Post # 1
I’ve known my friend since I was in grade school (we are 28 now), so we obviously go way back and have had our differences before. I got engaged in November of 2012 and asked her to be a bridesmaid; she got engaged in January of this year. No problem there, I’m very happy for her, even though some of my friends have expressed concern because he is actually her first boyfriend. Anyway! My fiancée and I chose a date in July to be married, and then she decided to choose the date 2 weeks later in July for hers. Still, not that big a deal to me. Except that hers is a destination wedding and I will have just spent a lot of money and time on my own wedding. I’d love to be able to go, but money and being able to take off time from work are issues.
icing on the cake is thisis though I am not a bridesmaid (because she just wanted her sisters to keep things uncomplicated, I guess, as we have quite a few close friends), she asked me to watch/babysit one of her friend’s young children during the ceremony and during pictures! my other close friend has told me that all this would be a friendship-killer if it were her, but I keep telling myself just to enjoy my wedding planning, being engaged and in love, etc. how would you all feel about this situation?
Post # 3
So is she having a friend in the wedding then, after she told you she just wanted her sisters in it? It sounds like that’s what you’re saying given the fact that you’d need to watch her kid. That’s a little off-putting, right off the bat. Despite that, I do think that’s quite a lot to ask given that your wedding is 2 weeks prior and you’ll be just getting back from your honeymoon, most likely, and you’ll certainly be strapped for cash. I can understand you wanting to be there and support her, but she seems to be completely disregarding your situation. Maybe it’s because she’s just caught up in the hype of getting engaged/married and isn’t really thinking…? I’d confront her about it and explain your situation. If she’s an understanding, good friend, she’ll get it.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t mind helping a friend with the child minding if I were able to attend the wedding. If I couldn’t afford to attend, I would simply tell her, Surely that won’t come as a big surprise to her given that she knew you were getting married two weeks before her(she did know your date before she set hers didn’t she?).
Would it be easier to afford to attend her wedding if you also made it your honeymoon?
Post # 5
Thanks for the replies, ladies. The person whose child I’d be watching is actually a friend of hers who is doing videography. her bridesmaids are her two sisters and her future SIL whom she’s known a little over a year.
She did know the date of my wedding when she chose hers, and she asked me if it was okay. I said I didn’t mind because I’m not one to try to dictate someone else’s big day. Maybe I should have? Her wedding is in Colorado, and I love the mountains and all, but we have already planned/booked our honeymoon at an all inclusive in St. Lucia. Part of me is thinking. I’ve known her so long and this is a huge day for her. But the other part of me is like, she doesnt think of me or any of our other friends enough to be bridesmaids, my fiancée and I both cant take off any time from work after nearly a week and a half for our own wedding, and if I’m paying money for a flight, hotel, and rental car, I don’t really want to be stuck babysitting. And I love kids!
Thanks again for the advice!
Post # 6
Watching them will only be for a little while. She probably asked you because she trusts you. You could always say that you might be too jet lagged / exhausted from you own wedding planning and that someone else should watch the children
Post # 7
I would try to make it if possible. I understand the BM thing….I don’t think it’s that she doens’t think enough of you…it may be that she values yours and her other friends so much that she doesn’t want anything getting complicated and risk loosing friendships. With that said, if you can’t make it, I would use the work excuse. (not saying it’s an excuse..but I would go that route over finances). It makes total sense that your work can’t afford to let you off again so soon after your wedding and honeymoon. I don’t see how she could refute that or blame you for it….
Post # 8
Does she intend for you to miss the ceremony altogether to babysit?
Either way, I don’t think it’s worth risking making your boss angry to try to take time off immediately after doing it for your own wedding and honeymoon.
Post # 9
She chose to book a destination wedding two weeks after your wedding and honeymoon. If she’s surprised when you turn round and say you can’t afford it or take any more time off work, she’s an idiot.