(Closed) How should I feel about this?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

What’s going to happen when the wedding comes around?? Are his parents not invited??

Post # 4
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

They have to know sooner or later if he intends on marrying you.

Have a serious talk with him about this. It’s his responsibility to let his family know. He should not be putting you in such an awful position!

Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hmm my fiance told hid mother that “She is the ONE, I will marry her no matter what, I feel myself around her and I hope you will love her as well mom.”.

This seemed to work.

Your fiance needs to be serious about this, he is not going to live with his mom or parents but you. You are his future, and not his mom.

We don’t choose parents, it’s choosen by karma.

Lastly your fiance cannot play like this, this isn’t high school anymore, if you are the ONE for him ,then he will do anything it takes to make you both happy, and not hidding under the rock.

Best and wishing you happyness in this cruel/fake world.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How long have you been together? IMO, he is not taking this seriously, or is just using the engagement to lead you on, or to keep you in the relationship. I would have a serious heart to heart with him and explain that an engagement is NOT something you should be hiding, unless you are planning a “big reveal” or whatever.

Post # 7
Member
8325 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly if th family dislike you already do you really think they are going to believe that it was their sons idea? I think not- they are going to blame you for the lying.

I think it pays to be honest always and even more so in this situation. Your FI is just setting them up to dislike you more!

Post # 8
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Not cool. 

How can he honestly make the adult decision to get married if he is still keeping secrets from his Mom? 

Post # 9
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would not feel good about it unless there is some really good reason (besides the fact that his mom does not like you).  I think even if that is the case, his mom needs to start accepting now that you are the woman he is with and the person he wants to be with for the rest of his life… better now so you guys can work things out, than later when the wedding rolls around and she gets angry that you guys hid this from her and ruin the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think this is weird, and I can’t pretend I don’t. 

If you LIE to them ever, about anything, they will never forgive you. So any hopes you have of a good relationship with them will go down the drain. Don’t agree to lie if they ask about the ring. Ask for a time frame for the secrecy, during which he can tell them himself, but after that it’s got to all be out in the open.

Post # 15
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ProfessorGirl:  Agreed.

@imalittleogger:  I don’t normally do/say this, but in the case, it has to be said….this is f*#&ed up.

His attitude is disrespectful to you, his parents, himself, and your relationship.  I’d take the ring off and tell him until he’s ready to “man up” you can’t possible agree to marry him.  I’m serious.  This is a big deal and it sucks, but you need to stand up for yourself.

I agree with PPs that when this comes out, the shit is really going to hit the fan.  If I were his parents, I would be so incredibly hurt that my son would hide something this significant from me that I don’t know how the relationship would recover.  I would also seriously question his judgement and ability to act and live like an adult.  He is scared of his parents’ reaction.  Perhaps that’s understandable, but he still needs to call them and let them know the happy news.  

You having to back off from his family because he’s afraid is only going to worsen your relationship with them.  His poor sister is going to wonder what she’s done to make you stay away.

I get that he’s a private person.  My DH is too.  However, getting married isn’t exactly a private thing (a wedding can be, but the marriage is different).  It involves the state and both of your families in your relationship.  For your future, he needs to tell them.  If he insists that he won’t do it, I think that’s a massive red flag (and I really REALLY hate using that term) that he isn’t ready to marry you.  

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