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I am also struggling with this dilemma, maybe lower the age range to something a little more accomodating than 18? I was thinking that my cutoff should be more like 15... Bump for more ideas!
Hmm that's really tough. Honestly I'd say that if people are flying in from another country, it would be a lot to ask them not to bring their children. How many other kids would it mean total if you sucked it up and invited kids? If it would make it an insane amount of children then perhaps you could just make exceptions here and there for extenuating circumstances (i.e. people coming from a whole different country to attend your wedding). In that situation, people should understand that it would be impossible for those people to get a sitter or to leave their kids at home in a different country while they attend your wedding. You may get some flack but people need to just understand these things. That being said, if you are deadset on no kids (which I understand because we're not having kids at our wedding) then just impose the 18+ limit and see how people react. Some people will probably decline because of it but if you're OK with that then do what you want.
I say 18+.
We're having no kids, but one of my BMs is 15. So we're doing 15+ and that's working out well so far.
@hotchild, yeah I am doing the 15+ mostly for the fact that I have a few siblings that should not have to miss out on my wedding. I'm thinking kinda along the lines of PG-13 haha. Hopefully parents of the younguns will understand!
@ToasterCat: It's just a perfect excuse. If someone asks, I can just say the youngest BM is 15 so that's our cutoff point. Our reception is formal and evening and just not for children period.
Thanks for the advice so far! Keep it coming!
To answer a few questions -
- I thought about making the age 16. That would mean inviting 3 of the 5 cousins, which would be fine. I was thinking if the age limit was 18, we could say its an adult only reception.
- If we let everyone invite their children (regardless of age) we'd be talking about 30-40 kids (which isn't at all what we want) and would be prohibitively expensive.
- We would provide childcare for the children flying in from another country - assuming they are actually coming (FI thinks the won't, but his Mom insists they will). The children don't speak English, and I can't imagine how enjoyable it would be for them to go to a wedding in another language when they'd be the only kids there.
@texasmeredith: We're saying adults-only. I just have the excuse primed in case anyone asks, "Well why does XX's daughter get to be there?" (my cousin the BM) Honestly, we're only going to have two teenagers anyway (both in the wedding party) so it shouldn't make that big of a difference.
@ToasterCat - Yes - its a lot of extra kids! We both have large familes, so we have young cousins and we have tons of cousins with kids. Plus we're in our 30s, so we have lots of friends with kids. All of our friends with kids totally understand and respect our wishes for an adult only reception. Our familes are the ones that seem to be insistent on bringing their kids.
I would invite the family and if people ask about it just tell them that you didn't want the family to have to be split up. If nothing else they could bring all of the kids and you could set up a night of movies and games for the two younger ones as they most likely won't want to be at the wedding anyway if it's that formal.
I had this situation come up... we are doing an "adults only" reception because we want our friends and family to be able to enjoy themselves without having to retire early because of sleepy kids. This made an awkward situation with my Dad's cousin who has 5 daughters. 3 of them are over 18, the younger 2 are 13 and 6.
I sent seprate invites to the girls who are over 18 (2 live at home with mom - one actually lives with my parents while she attends college in their city). I called the mom before I sent out the invites and explained the situation - she was very cool about it. Asked if the 2 younger girls could come to the ceremony if they expressed an interest (sure!) and moved along.
May not work in more uptight families, but it worked out alright in this case. Good luck!!
We're also on the 15+ train, although we're wording it as "high school children of local guests are welcome to attend" on our website. :)
Our 'rules' are kind of convoluted though - we also said OOT guests can bring toddlers and babies, because I'd rather they come with kids in tow than not at all.
Thanks for all your suggetions! We decided to split the family and talk to my Uncle about it. I really don't think the younger ones would be happy to be there anyway, so hopefully my family is understanding.
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Wedding Bees, I really need your help with a sticky situation.
FI and I have decided to have an adults only wedding and reception. We are having a full mass wedding and reception at a very nice ballroom that is not child friendly. Neither one of us want children at the wedding (we love kids, but our wedding is going to be a more formal affair and its not a child friendly event). Our mothers think all kids should be included, but understand our decision.
The problem? My aunt and uncle have 5 children that range in age from 10 to 22. If we invite them, we can't exactly exclude FI's second cousins that are 9 & 11 (and possibly flying in from another country). And then we have a bunch of other kids that are my second cousins, children of friends, etc. and we'll have to explain why some people's kids are invited and others aren't.
So what do I do?
- impose an 18+ age limit and invite 2 of the 5 children (those 18+)
- invite the whole family, even if that means we have to include FI's second cousins and at least 10 other children in that age range
- other comment (see below)