Post # 1
My FI’s cousin called him yesterday to say that she got our STD card and was excited to come to the wedding. They talked for a while and she mentioned that she is planning a birthday party for her Mother who is turning 80. My FI asked if there was anything that we could do to help and she just asked if we could provide her with the addresses for some people in their family. When I came home from work I emailed her with the info that she had asked for and I was happy to be able to help her out.
This morning I checked my email, well to my surprise this is what I read
Can’t wait to meet you…. Congrats to the both of you!
I don’t know who (Jane and John Doe) are… Did I forget about a cousin? That could happen, we tend to breed like rabbits! 🙂
Thank you so much, we’re thinking about Sunday afternoon, the day after your wedding… It’ll be late enough in the day, so everyone can sleep off the hangover…
I hope the plans are going well, good luck with everything….
All the best
She did not mention to FI that she was planning on hosting the party the day after our wedding considering her Mother’s Birthday is not until September ( we are getting married August 11th).
We are planning on hosting a day after brunch at our reception venue but we were hoping to keep that a surprise for our guests until the invitations went out.
Thanks Bees, I just don’t know how to deal with this situation without coming off as being being selfish or a bridezilla.
Post # 3
I would come out and tell her that you were planning on hosting a day after brunch. I understand that you wanted to try to keep that a surprise, but that’s not really much of an option if someone is considering having a birthday party the same day as your brunch. Just let her know in a polite way so that she doesn’t find out through the invitation.
Post # 4
Call her and discuss your secret plans but be prepared to hear that she isn’t going to change the date.
Post # 5
Couldn’t you host a brunch and then still do the party in the afternoon? You shoul ask what time she plans to have the party. It honestly seems do-able to me. But if you think they might overlap, I would let the cousin in on the surprise brunch. Then she push for the party to be later in the day (using the hangover excuse) without giving away anything. I also can understand why she’d want to do it right after your wedding since most people will be in town and people won’t have to travel again a month later.
Post # 5
Will there be people coming in from out of town? That may be why she wants to have the party the same weekend. In which case I think that’s totally reasonable of her.
Post # 6
I think she might just be trying to take advantage of everyone being in the same place. I bet if you told her you were thinking about a brunch she would move the time back a bit.
Post # 7
I would communicate with her. Tell her that you have already made plans for the brunch (even if they are not finalized yet), that you are planning on surprising your guests at a later time, and request that she not share that information .
She may still want to hold her event later that day to take advantage of the fact that all the relatives are together, and I guess you really can’t stop her, but people will have to make their own decisions about how much partying they can fit into one weekend.
Post # 8
I think that she might be using the fact that people will be in town for the wedding to take advantage of timing and not make family travel twice.
Let her know about the brunch politely and hopefully she will plan the party for after brunch!
Post # 9
@Mrs.Goguen: I would be annoyed if my FH’s cousin was planning another big family event the day after my wedding! Her email seems nice enough though – as someone else said, maybe she thought it would be easy to have the birthday party the same weekend as the wedding since family will be in town. Unfortunately you can’t really tell her what to do or tell her to change the date of her mother’s birthday party, but I would call her (don’t do this over email if at all possible, b/c sometimes it’s hard to determine people’s tones via email) and be really really sweet and also apologetic and ler her know that you have the day after brunch for your wedding. Take it from there and hopefully she will move the birthday party. Or you could also have your FH talk to her since it is his cousin and he’s obviously closer to her.
Post # 10
@2PeasinaPod: @vmec: @RunsWithBears: Thank you Bees, I will just have to let her in on our plans; she can be a bit of a drama queen so I was trying to avoid it.
@Over the Moon: All of their family lives within a 15 minute drive of each other and get together quite often. The uncles all have a standing lunch meeting twice a month.
@jo.lee: @julies1949: I know how convenient it will be for her to plan things considering everyone will already be together for the wedding but if roles were reversed I probably would have chosen a different weekend to host the Birthday party.
Post # 12
@AshleyR83: I will probably have FI speak to her; he is way better dealing with people than I am. Thanks
Post # 13
I agree with other that she is probably doing it since all of the family will be together anyways. As long as it is late in the day I don’t see what the problem would be.I loved our brunch and sending the day with family(we got married at a big resort and spent the day at the water park) talking about things that happened at the wedding that we all missed and just catching up in general. It might be a great way for you to get to spend more time with your OOT guests. I would definately let her know what you have planned and ask her to plan the party for later in the day.
Post # 14
@Mrs.Goguen: Yes, and then you don’t have to be the “bad guy”!
Post # 15
@Mrs.Goguen: ooohhhh, if EVERYONE on his side lives close to each other, then I would definately have FI talk to her. Maybe even talk it over with your ILs and see what they think about chosing another date and then they can go to bat for you both as well.