- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I should prob go anon for this, but instead I’ll just delete this at the end or something.
In law school, I met this girl. We’ll call her X. X and I were assigned to a project to do together and we got along really well, ended up getting A+s on the project and the class and stayed friends thereafter. Well, X was also friends with FI, who she had met and been friends with before I met her. I don’t remember how long each of us were friends, but I’d say like 2-3 years before I met her, FI met X.
X and I were really close, hung out all the time, we were essentially besties. I got in a relationship with my exbf and towards the end of the relationship (the last 4 months or so), she kept telling me how I should be with a guy more like her friend FI. I tried really hard to make the relationship with my ex work, but ultimately it was a failure and I decided it was over. During that time, she was also telling FI how amazing I was to my bf and how much he sucked, didn’t deserve me and how FI should be with a girl like me, etc. But – no matter how much FI asked her, she refused to introduce us, she just talked us both up to each other. Not sure what her reasoning was – maybe bc I was still in a relationship.
Two weeks after I ended things with my ex, X’s live-in bf (of 5 years) threw her a surprise graduation party and invited both me and FI and that’s actually how we met.
FFWD a little bit after that – maybe like 3 months into mine and FI’s relationship, and one night she invites FI over bc her bf was supposed to go out for a guy’s night. I had a bad day at work, I called FI to talk to him, he told me he wasn’t going to be too long and he didn’t get home until after I already went to bed for work. I come to find out that her bf actually DIDN’T go out for guy’s night, he ended up staying home, they all ordered pizza and had a grand old time. I felt left out, for sure, but more hurt once I found out from her bf that she specifically did not want to invite us both together to her place anymore bc she didn’t like to see us together, we were too lovey dovey. She confessed to my FI that seeing us made her miss those beginning days with her bf and made her feel like her relationship was missing something.
I confronted her about the fact that they didn’t think to invite me once her bf decidd to stay in, even though I called, and the fact that she actually didn’t want me there – I told her I was hurt by her actions and that even though they were friends before, I didn’t find it appropriate to invite my boyfriend and not me. I never really understood bc they didn’t actually hang out that often before FI and I met, but we hung out at least once a week and all of a sudden, she didn’t want to see me, she wanted to see him alone?
Her response was to call me a psycho. She either said I was a psycho or was being psycho, I can’t remember – apparently this makes a difference to my FI, but I don’t think it does.
Anyway, I got really upset and wanted to stop speaking to her, but my FI said that X is his best friend and would really appreciate it if we didn’t fight, so I tried for MONTHS (like 5 or 6) to invite her out constantly and she always has a fake-nice reason not to go out with me. Then our birthdays came around – first mine. She did NOT wish me a happy birthday. 2 weeks later is FI’s – and she texts him. To me, that’s a very clear message that she was sending me. At that point, I flipped out and told him that he cannot continue talking to her unless he backs me up and puts her in her place. It was really hurtful to me that he didn’t support me and say to her that she was wrong and needed to make up – no, instead he was telling ME to swallow MY pride and invite HER out and continue to get rejected, but he wouldn’t just say, “X, what you said to my girlfriend was wrong and you two need to make up somehow.” Or whatever.
Anyway – that was THREE years ago. They have barely spoken since then, maybe once like 2 years ago, and that was that. Now, FI wants to invite her to our WEDDING. He says she is a very important person in his life, he wants her there bc she helped set us up and she’s the reason we found each other and that she’s a great friend. I told him that she would need to apologize. Randomly (he promises he didn’t ask her to send this email), she emails me congratulating me on my engagement to FI (9 months late.. but whatever) and saying it was “unfortunate” that we aren’t close anymore. No real apology. I responded very nicely and said thank you and then added her on Facebook. Nothing since then.
Part of me wants to email her and tell her what I feel and that I’m only contacting her bc it was important to my FI that we clear the air. Part of me wants me to leave it alone and let him contact her, asking her to apologize to me. Part of me wants to demand that he block her from everything and never think of her again (this would make me happiest lol – but I get the feeling it’s not an actual option).
Sorry it’s so long, it’s a long story with a lot of hurt feelings and I’m sure tons of miscommunications.
Advice? Please be nice, I know I might be wrong, but I did a LOT of things for this girl that I would never have done for any other friends and her calling me psycho was really hurtful and then spending 5 months being fake-nice to me was incredibly insulting.