Post # 1
- Fiance’s parents are divorced and he is an only child.
- My parents are married and I have 2 siblings.
- We have lived with his mom for the past 8 months.
- My parents are an hour away.
Okay, so here is the situation:
- My mom called about a week and a half ago asking if we would like to come down for Easter weekend to visit. I asked the fiance, he said sure, and I told my family I will be there.
- Then about 5 days ago, fiance’s mother asked if we would attend a Saturday Polish Mass to bless the Easter breakfast, which is a tradition. I am assuming fiance told her yes.
- So, then we decided to attend Saturday Mass with his mother and then drive down to my family afterwards.
- When his mom heard we weren’t going to be there for Easter breakfast she told us that there was no point in going to Mass to get the food blessed.
- But if we leave after Easter breakfast, we get little time with my family.
Now, we don’t know what to do.
I know my fiance feels obligated to spend holidays with his mother because she has no other family to spend holidays with. I even feel like she guilt trips him a little. But, I haven’t seen my parents for about 2 months and it would be nice to visit them.
Post # 3
Not sure if this is an option.. but why don’t you visit your family for the weekend and he stay with his mom so she’s not alone at Easter?
Post # 4
I’d split the time. Your FMIL is being a bit unreasonable. You have two sets of parents to spend time with, not just her. Plus, you are living with her and see her all the time.
I think you guys going to mass on Saturday and then going to your parents is being more than reasonable.
Post # 5
Even though his mom only has him to celebrate with, she’s going to have to learn to share now that you’re in the picture. If it were me, I would follow the plan you’ve already made: Saturday mass with his mom and then drive down for Easter with your family, which your FI agreed to.
I get from FMIL’s perspective that it’s kind of pointless to her for you to attend a mass that blesses the food you’re not eating the next day, but the real point is that you’ll be spending time together, isn’t it?
Post # 6
go visit your family on your own, and your FI can stay to celebrate with his
Post # 7
Parents always want their children with them on holidays, but you can’t please everyone. I say you go to your mom, since you already promised her, and tell his mom you will make it up with another holiday. Maybe you can spend Easter and Thanksgiving with you mom and 4th of July (or something she cares about) and Christmas with his mom. They both need to learn that they can’t have you and your FI all the time.
Post # 8
If that’s an option, I would split up for Easter as well. That’s what FI and I are doing anyway, since it’s our last unmarried Easter before we have to stress every year over where to spend the holidays.
If that isn’t an option, I would split the time and just let people be disappointed. You’re really being fair in doing that.
Post # 9
Would his mom be willing to travel with you guys to spend the day with your family?
Post # 10
You two already made the commitment to spend Easter with your family, so I think your initial plan to go to Saturday mass with his mother and then go to see yours. Sounds like his mom is just pouting and hoping she can get her way by saying if you’re not going to give her all the time she wants to not even bother with a compromise. Since the two of you are engaged now is a good time to sort out how you’ll spend holidays. Alternating is always a good idea because it leaves the least amount of negotiating, it’s simply a matter of whose turn it is.
I disagree with the advice for the two of you to split up on Easter – you’re going to be married soon and it’s a good time to start acting as a unit. Holidays are about family, so it seems quite silly to not spend it with your soon-to-be husband! And it jsut gets even more complicated when children come along.
Post # 11
Split your time. They’re lucky you’re even considering it right now; there will come a day when you just don’t care about making everyone happy anymore, and you’ll just stay home with him instead of drive everywhere. They’re going to have to get used to the fact that the other family is just as important as they are!
Post # 12
@mrschmura: do your families get along? Maybe you could bring his mom to spend Easter with your family if she’s all alone.
Post # 13
Do Saturday mass with his mom and then drive to your parents for Easter Sunday. It is more than fair, considering you made plans with your family first. Can you do a lunch with your FMIL on Saturday?
Post # 14
I say go to your parents. You made plans first and you don’t see them much. You live with his mom, you see her all the time. Maybe you can have lunch Saturday with her instead of Sunday.
Post # 15
Go to your parents as enjoy the last easter as an ‘unmarried’ person. Let FI stay at home and celebrate with his mom. Think of it as the last concentrated holiday with your family.
You’ll have the rest of your life to figure out how to share holidays… and, let me tell you, it’s NOT fun!
Post # 16
I would either go Saturday with FMIL & have an EARLY breakfast, then head to your parents or have FMIL go with you to your family’s celebration.
My sister’s FMIL never does anything with her family so she’s always invited to our big family gatherings.