(Closed) How should I word this

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Will you be paying for drinks or apps?

Post # 4
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ehhhh…. You really shouldn’t be hosting your own engagement party.  It’s considered a little AW-y to throw a party in your honor.  Maybe if it’s for only very close friends and family, then I could see it being ok.

If you do decide to have one, since you are hosting a party, you should really pay for something.  You can say on the invites something like “Come join us for appetizers and drinks at XX.”  Then guests know exactly what you are paying for.  If you can’t pay for anything, then don’t have the party or move it to a different venue.

EDIT: Move to a different venue where you can pay for things.

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@RunsWithBears:  agreed.  It seems a little strange to invite people to a party you’re throwing for yourselves and ask them to pay for their own meal.

Post # 6
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Per etiquette writers it is totally fine for a couple to host their own engagement party since it is not a gift giving occasion, however, it is not ok to invite people to a party and not provide the meal if it is at a meal time.

 

@lmmd:  

You should actually provide at least appetizers  for your guests and then at the restaurant guests can choose to order something off the menu if they want to.  The invitation should reflect that appetizers will be provided and should be at a time that would not be traditionally “dinner time”.

Post # 7
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Vegas Pug:  Actually, I’m pretty sure etiquette says you should NOT host your own engagement party.  Which writers say it’s ok?

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

One must not throw a party in one’s own honor (engagement parties, showers, bachelor/ettes.)

If the party is thrown for you, hold it at an off-meal time to provide light apps and drinks.  The OP is short so I’m not sure if this is exactly what is going on, but it sounds like you might want to host dinner for some but not others?  If this is the case, please reconsider as it is rude.

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You should not throw your own engagement party, at least use someone else to rsvp to so it appears as though someone else is hosting, and under no circumstances should you ask them to pay for food.

However, if you have made a decision about bridal party members, you could always have your MOH call or send emails, asking people to join you for dinner to celebrate your recent engagement. 

“Hey we were thinking about taking Bride and Groom out to BlankRestaurant to celebrate their recent engagement and would love for you to come”

A facebook event would work in this type of situation and people would understand they are paying, since it’s not a party, but a dinner invite.

Post # 10
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@RunsWithBears:  +1.

You shouldn’t be throwing yourselves an enagement party, but if you do, you need to pay for it.  You can do apps and drinks as long as you avoid the dinner hour.  Or if you want to do dinner, choose a cheaper venue that’s within your budget.  Pizzeria?  Cookout at home?  You have lots of options.

Under no circumstances should invited guests be expected to pay a dime.

Post # 11
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree that your guests can’t be expected to pay. That’s one issue I wouldn’t compromise on. Change the venue, change the menu, change the guest list — something so that the guests can be guests and not financiers. 

I also agree that etiquette says you can’t throw your own party, but I would happily toss that one out the window. If one of your friends/family members has the space, the time, the financial means and the inclination to handle the whole on their own, more power to them. But what if that doesn’t all come together for any one person in your life? And what if, as often happens in these modern times, the potential guests don’t know each other well enough/at all to call each other up and ask them to pony up cash or space for a party? I’d never want to put anyone in that position. But does that mean you can’t have a party? Phooey. Host your friends! But make choices that allow you to truly host them in some fashion. 

Post # 13
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i’m not much a politically correct or etiquette type of person (oh well!) lol and I just know my friends and family wouldn’t mind paying for their own food, i mean we are paying for them to come to our wedding that were spending thousands on! just me though!

Post # 14
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@lmmd:  It’s fine to invite people for appetizers and desserts as long as you avoid meal time.  8:00 PM would be a good start time.  Most people will plan to eat dinner beforehand if they know what to expect.

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