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It'll be awhile for us. I want to finish school before I have kids. I'm not sure how long that will take at this point. I do hope that we can have our first child before we're 30 though!
Well I can only speak from experience..I'm already a mom so we'll already have one! We are discussing a possible second..but I"m an older bride so we'll just wait and see.
I think it's important to have couple time and allow for time to just be married. Adjust to the new lifestyle and also maybe save up a bit (kids can be expensive!). The first year of marriage is a new change and I think it's important to sometimes just "be" a newlywed couple. Before I became a mom, I travelled. I saved up money too. When that time came around I was ready 100 percent. If my guy and I do decide for another child, then it will only be after at least six months married but preferably a year..we'll see if my body can handle that then.
I wouldn't rush things unless you've: 1)lived together already so you've had the adjustment in lifestyle 2)had ample "couple" time 3)travelled (just something I feel is important and fun to do b/c when you're new parents it's difficult to arrange) 4)your body and health dictate that your body or health says you have to start trying soon or else (endometriosis or some situation your doctor/ob informs you of)
We are probably going to wait a year or two at least before we try to have children. We will be 23 and 25 when we get married so I'm hoping by the time I'm 26 to have one, (I'm the 23 year old).
My biological clock is just ticking away. I'm not even joking, I see babies, or pictures of babies, or think about babies and my ovaries start just twitching. Luckily my FI is ready and willing, so we'll probably start trying around the 6 month-1 year mark...we do want to take a little time to be married!
Check out this thread:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-thinking-about-pregnancy-during-engagement
for some more people thinking about kids soon.
It's going to be a while, we're both pretty iffy on kids. I think we'll probably have 'em but not until I hit 30 or later is the plan. I'm pretty sure we could both be competent parents at our age, but I want to travel and make sure we have stable incomes, etc.
amandopolis- I feel you. Only recently has this started happening to me, although to a lesser extreme. It's more like I never thought about having kids, but when I see pictures of babies I kind of can see myself with kids and think you know, maybe I could do the whole family thing.
I have to be honest. I love babies. T has a young daughter and I get to spoil her rotten (along with my son and his son to)! I do and might love another baby (he might too) but we're having fun now. Our kids are old enough (except for daughter) to ride all the rides at theme parks, go away on long vacays with family, and old enough to successfully stay with grandpa or grandma when we're on couple trips. No more diapers right now. (she is almost four) and we have somewhat of a good level of couple and family freedom. We'd have to scale back on our travel and a few other things if we had another. Cooperatively we'll have three kids.
But we LOVE kids! We'll just cross the bridge when we arrive at it..and then decide.
we will try asap, I am turning 39 this year and really dont want to take fertility pills and have octuplets, he comes from a small family just one sister and no nieces and nephews and really wants kids, so we want them as soon as possible
We talk about this once in a while... we go out to dinner all the time and love to do things on a whim--usually small stuff (let's go for happy hour tonight!) but sometime big stuff (I booked us a four day trip to Cabo, pack your bags!). And we fully realize that this aspect of our life would probably change if we have kids. So, we're definitely in no hurry, but he's already 36. I am only 26, so I don't feel any rush. Ugh, I don't know!
Does anyone else not know? I don't have a plan and neither does my FI, but sometimes I feel like we should have a plan... or like that we should be able to "see" ourselves as parents at some point. Right now, all I can see is just the two of us, traveling and eating good food and drinking fabulous drinks. We're pretty selfish right now! But I think I want us to have children some day.
Is anyone else in a similar position--you think you want kids, but you certainly can't imagine it soon, and actually have a difficult time imagining it at all?
hey kara 321,
thats great no hurry, see we already travelled extensively and have had alone time for 2 years, yeah dont feel rushed you are entitled to alone couple time
We've both decided that at this point in our lives, children are not something we want. Maybe in the future, but not as of now.
We both want to start trying immediately. My FI is 33, will be 35 when we get married, and according to him, he doesn't want to be in a wheel chair when our kids graduate from college. I realize that men have children well into to their old age, but my FI feels a sense of urgency. I'm all for it! I wanted kids yesterday!
We'll be 24/25 when we get married so I'm in absolutely no rush. I'd like to wait about three years at least - we've got a lot of fun stuff planned for ourselves for the next few years and as much as I love kids, I don't quite want the responsibility yet!
We are in no rush either. I am still considering graduate school and we want to experience married life together for a few years before thinking about children. :)
We're in no rush. We'll both be 26 when we're married, so we might start trying around 30 or so, depending on our situation.
i'm 32, he's 36- and we still don't know. i feel pressure to decide as time is ticking and i just don't know. choosing him to marry was so easy, shouldn't the kids one be too?
Kid's are in the 5 - 7 year plan but not planning to try before that. I know I want kids and I definitely feel the biological pull already (I'm 24) but considering we've been long distance for so long, we want ample time to be a twosome and live together as newlyweds, before we pick a place to settle down and have babies.
That being said, I can't wait to be a parent. :)
We would love to have kids pretty soon. I'm 30, and he's 27 and like amandapolis my clock is ticking away.
We've had this talk right away. We decided for sure we want to enjoy our first 6 months together and reconnect (especially since he'll be returning from deployment a month before the wedding). I think once that 6 month mark hits then we'll have our talk again and see where we are at in our relationship. We both want big families (4 children of we are blessed). My only concern is my age obviously. I know women are having children much later in life, but I don't want to be an old lady going my kids high school graduation..lol
To tell you the truth, we wouldn't mind having a honeymoon baby! I'll be 30 when we get married, but my age isn't really the issue. We just both love kids, and are really looking forward to starting our family. I think we'll sort of have to see where we are at financially after the wedding...and will sort of take things from there. Either way, we probably won't wait more than a year to start trying. Fun to think about :)
i dont want kids for probably another ten years because I want to finish graduate school before I have kids and make sure I can afford everything pretty comfortably... He wants kids in about 5 years so we might settle to start trying in about 7 years... (we are getting married this August!!!)
We did it backwards, our main question was: How long are we going to wait to get married after having the baby? LOL. We got married when our son was 14 months old because we wanted him to be our ringbearer and walk down the aisle with his sister, my 13 old year daughter from previous marriage. But we are asking ourselves if we are going to have anymore....
Well for medical reasons we are going to be trying ASAP. . in my case it is a sooner the better situation.
In the past year or so I really have felt my body telling me that it's time. So probably within a year of getting married we'll start trying for kids, if not sooner. We've lived together for 6 years already and are practically married w/o the paper so we dont' feel the need to adjust into "married life" so to speak. FI is the same way that he does not want to be a old man when our kids are in high school.
So god-willing we will be parents before I'm 30 and he's 33. And for a whole host of reasons I really do have a deep down fear that we cannot have kids so I don't want to play with mother nature any more than we have to.
We both absolutely love kids and it will be truly devasting for me if we cannot have biological kids of our own but I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it. ![]()
My FI and I have talked about kids for a while now. I come from a large close family while he comes from a small scattered family. My family is what my FI dreams about having which is great because I absolutely would love having a large family (money permitting of course).
Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised if I was pregnant the night of our wedding. The women in the fam are pretty fertile. I would like to wait a bit though just because of some uncertainties in our life right now. Plus I would like to have a house before bringing any baby into this world.
Although I absolutely love babies, we have 3 nephews and a niece to love on until we're ready for our own! I'm just starting a graduate program which will take at least 5 years to complete, so we're going to be waiting at least 6-7 years after the wedding to start our family. This allows us to have a little nest egg built up and to hopefully have a decent sized home to raise our children in.
The plan is to start working on having kids on our wedding night, my clock has been ticking for awhile. I will be 36 when we marry and he will be 34. We both are ready and are hoping it happens fairly quickly for us.
We will not be trying for a long time...We are both young still and would to accomplish a few things before extending the family. This includes me finishing up my masters and eventually a PhD and traveling to all 7 continents, although I really only have 2 more to go (Australia and Antartica) :P
I suppose this is our current stance but our views may change as our marriage and relationship progress.
if it were up to me it would be the following december. but he wants to wait about a year or so first. we will have school loans to pay off and he wants thoase mostly gone.
Probably just a couple of years. Sometimes I want kids now, sometimes I can't imagine ever being ready. We've been together and lived together long enough -- not to mention we're both getting older -- than in 2-3 years we'll give it a go.
One of the things that attracts me to FI is that I know he'll be a good daddy. I tell him this infrequently, but I think about it a lot.
We're going to start trying within 3-6 months. By the time we get married, we'll have lived together for a year. And he is 39 and I am 32 so if we want to have two or three kids, we've got to get crackin'!
My husband and I waited 2 years after we got married. It gives us quality time to spend more time with each other before having a child. I kinda of miss the time we spent together, but I'm very happy to have additional family to our home. My daughter gives us plenty of laughter and joy over the years.
1 year...we get married in June, he moves in in Nov/Dec, so we're going to give it a few months. My biological clock is just waiting to explode on me and I'm only 23...at least my belly will hopefully snap back faster, right? eek
Booooo medical issues.
I oscilate HARD CORE. One day its never, the next its tomorrow :) we'll see. With us, it's never calculated or planned, so I'm sure it will be a surprise of some sort :)
I wil lbe just 26 when we get married. I would like to have our first child before I turn 30, so in the next 3-4 years.
We have been living togetget 3 years and I love it! The plan was to start trying right after the wedding but I think we might wait a couple of years, we like our childless life too much. Although, my clock was ticking really hard a couple of months ago he wasn't coming around to the idea.
Kara I am SO like you! My FI and I say geez...we LOVE to pick up and go, we couldn't imagine not being able to just go out whenever we want to & travel whenever we want to. We really envision the rest of our lives traveling the word together.
Like you, its not so much imagining having kids now, its the fact that we can't imagine it at all. We are both 25 right now, but I don't see it happening ever. We're both on the same page and I just don't think having kids is for us :)
We're going to wait like 5-7 years after getting married to have kids. We've been together 5 years and have been living together 4 years, so we're not necessarily waiting just to get to know each other better as a couple. Rather, we're waiting for financial and personal reasons. I have a lot of graduate school to get through! Plus, neither of us feels ready to have children anytime soon. We quite enjoy the childless lifestyle at this point. We also just bought a really small condo in a downtown area, so we literally don't even have room for a kid. Luckily, we're younger (I'm 23 and he's 25), so we have the time to wait a while :).
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