(Closed) How soon is too soon to have children??

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

What do you mean by too soon?

I think the better question is are you and Fiance ready (financially and otherwise) ready to have kids?

Post # 4
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Have children whenever you and your husband feel you are ready 🙂  The biggest considerations for me are:

  • Am I done with school?
  • Are we financially stable?
  • Do we own a house or have immediate plans for purchasing a house?

Post # 5
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

It depends on you and your honey…  We have been married for a little over 9 months and are likely to have our little girl in the next day or so.  For us, right away was the right time, but then again, I’m 38 years old, we have stable careers, we own a house, and we talked about doing this from before the wedding.

Congratulations on your wedding and good luck making the right decision for your family!

Post # 7
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We are planing on trying right away after the wedding. I don’t really think there is any too soon, just depends on what you and your Darling Husband want.

Post # 8
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think it’s different for every couple.  By the time my Darling Husband and I will be able to live together, we will have been married almost 10 months.  For us, I would say that would be way too soon to start having children.  I want us to be able to actually enjoy being married and living with eachother.  Ideally, we’d also like to wait until we are 100% debt free (except the mortgage) and he’s mostly through school before we start TTC…but…the military always tends to throw a monkey wrench into our plans and my clock literally started clicking when I was 16….only b/c I have endometrisis (not because I wanted kids back then)…So, we may have to start trying way before we had originally planned.  But, I guess I would rather have kids “too soon” than to not have them at all.

Post # 10
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

so personal – but its when you are both ready for the responsibilities that go with having kids.  Maybe that means a house, financial security, education completed, you have enjoyed being young and going out, travelling, etc etc.  Babies are cute but they are a LOT of work, money and time!! 

Post # 11
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@beronicab…I am so cringing as I type this because I promise I’m not trying to sound too cliche’…but, maybe you’ll know when you know? lol  Or, when it happens, you’ll be happy.  Right now, babies are so not in the picture for Darling Husband and I, but if we were to have an oopsie baby, we’d be thrilled.  My dad and I are pretty close and alot alike, so I was talking to him about kids and how I hoped that someday I would feel ready to have them and he said, “You know, I don’t know if anyone is ever “really” ready to have kids.”  I mean, we can plan to our little hearts content, but it may not happen on our time, or it goes differently than we had planned, or maybe we’re not 100% debt free when we conveive, or I end up with triplets lol…the scenarios are endless. 

Post # 12
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

So, I will be more blunt than usual, since it sounds like you actually want honest advice…and you aren’t just asking about some DIY project (hehe, technically it is!) but a major life decision.

Any baby is blessing, but if you are getting intentionally pregnant then I think you need to consider the following.


your health (it’s easier to continue workout programs than to start new ones…are you really ready to give up the foods/drinks you need, etc.)

$$$ (babies are very expensive, even if everything goes well…I’d try to have zero debt and at least 3 mos expenses in savings before TTC..we also paid off our cars first…what if the baby has a problem and needs extra $ for medical reasons…also, life insurance, etc…consider the legal aspects)

age — for us, this was a pretty overriding factor, as I was 30 when we started TTC, so sometimes that trumps the others

housing — do you live where you can see having a baby?  We both owned houses before getting married, so that was fine, but we have spent a bunch of $ fixing the house lately to be baby ready…remodels don’t sound fun w/ a newborn (dust everywhere!!!)

career — did you just finish undergrad?  I would think long and hard about the importance of your career to you vs do you want to be a stay at home mom.  Depending on your career field, taking maternity leave in the first year or 2 out of school could majorly impact your career.  If you are OK with that, then fine.  Also, make sure you understand if your company qualifies for FMLA and what their maternity benefits are.  If you do qualify, you have to work there at least a year before taking FMLA.  Granted, I got married at 29, but in my field (whether it’s PC or not) taking maternity early on would have been extremely career limiting.  I had to put in the hours and build a reputation, etc.  I personally am very invested in my career, even if I end up eventually being a Stay-At-Home Mom, I wanted to take advantage of the degrees I have earned.  Again, if you are OK with this, that is up to you and your husband to figure out.

I also recommend taking 3 months to further prepare yourself (emotionally, financially, but especially physically before starting the TTC process…do a bunch of reading).

For me, we got pregnant at 10 months, and it was pretty hard, even w/ all the reading and preparation I did.  I had morning sickness pretty badly weeks 6-14 and last time I got sick was week 20.  I was surprised at how vulnearable I felt, since I’m normally very independent, etc. 

I’m @ 25 weeks, and this is already so much harder than I ever could have imagined.  However, I ALSO feel SO amazingly blessed to have this LO growing in me!

Post # 13
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

cannotwait’s advice is awesome. When you have those ducks in a row, you’re ready to go. I’m especially glad that she mentioned personal health. It can take a lot of women a good amount of time to move from thinking of health as “I look good” to “I can grow a human being.”

Post # 14
1104 posts
Bumble bee

You can never be 100% ready, bc in truth you have no idea what lies ahead. So it boils down to both of you feeling as ready as you could possibly be – which is probably about 75-80% 🙂 We have been together 7 years and we are in no rush to start yet – I definitely wanted some time to enjoy being married first, we have some more travel we want to do sans children, and I am only 28 so I don’t feel like the clock is ticking just yet. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Post # 15
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think it kind of depends on how long you were together before you got married as well. Or if you guys lived together before you got married. But… it’s personal for ever couple. I’ve been with my FH for over 10 years, lived with him for 6 and we’re STILL not ready for kids. Time to talk to your hubby and see where he stands I think!

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